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Monday, March 25, 2013

So sad there is a need for this again.

Today's post is in memory of a young person, gone too soon. I didn't know him, but he was a schoolmate of Annie's. I wrote the words below following the tragedy of another young person leaving life behind in a way that no one seemed to be able to explain. She was 16. The young boy who died last weekend was just 14. I cannot even imagine what it must feel like for his family.

I'm sure the blog analytics experts would say here is the place where I should insert links to the previous posts. Maybe, but you might not click those links and what I have to say -- again -- is something I think is important. Important for my kids, for yours. So here they are. Please take the the time to read them. Then go hug your kids or your friends' kids or the kids you see at church and tell them you are there.

Dear Annie, Charlie & Robbie -- 

Have someone.

Have someone, an adult, in your life that you can talk to. Of course you can talk to me or Dad. But I was a teenager once. I know that sometimes your parents are the last people you want to talk to. And that's ok. We don't have to know everything. We might want to, but we don't have to.

But have someone who you trust to tell those things to. Have someone who you can confide in; who will keep your confidence and who will also know how to take care of your heart; who will know when to just listen, when to step in and do something more.

And to your friends who might be reading this, if you need someone to be that person in your life, I am here.

I feel like I should go on here to say how much you are loved, how much joy and pride you bring to my life. Those things are true and I hope you already know that.

But I think I just really want to say have someone, because no one could replace you in my life.

Love,
Mom

After I wrote that, my brain and my heart kept churning, until I realized there was more I wanted to say. And that was this:

Be someone.

Be someone who is willing to walk across the cafeteria or the playground to talk to the person who is always standing alone, no matter what others might say.

Be someone who steps outside of your circle to partner up with someone you don't know very well for the science project or the sit-up challenge in gym class.

Be someone who smiles and holds the door open and says "I like your hair" or "You are a good artist" or "How was your weekend?"

Be someone who really listens -- puts down the cell phone, the video game remote, the laptop and listens with your ears, your eyes and your heart.

Be someone who hears what others are saying...and what they are not.

Be someone who refuses to laugh at another person's expense.

Be someone who isn't defined by a group or a label like "hipster," "jock," or "nerd." Instead be someone who has friends in all those groups and who can bring people together.

Be someone who is honest, who doesn't sugarcoat your own life. Be real so other people can see that we're all in this human-ness together, that we all struggle.

PhotobucketBe someone who lets others know that they matter.

Be someone who isn't afraid to break a friend's confidence and go to an adult if you think they are in danger.

I know it sounds like a tall order. But I know you can do it.

I believe in you.

Love,
Mom

6 comments:

Momza said...

This is meaningful, purposeful, tried and true good wisdom, Amy.
Well said. Thank you.

Basilmomma Heather Tallman said...

As the mother of a 14 year old son I thank you.

Elizabeth Yura said...

2 years ago on April 1, my son took his own life. He was 22 yrs old and had custody of his 16 month old daughter. His ex wife took her away from us and moved her across the country. Our loss was two fold. As a parent this has devastated me, destroyed my marriage, and the toll on his brothers has been horrendous. My son was black out drunk when he committed his final act. And I'm sure had he not been so ill with alcohol, he would have never done such a thing. I begged and pleaded with him to get help. Some times, no matter what you do or say, nothing is ever enough.
You never get over it. You just learn to live with the pain.

MsMelis said...

This post really hit home. I often feel the exact same way. Many special people in my life have "rescued" me during times of crisis. They are angels on Earth as I call them.

Nancy said...

I remember reading this the first time that you wrote it and my heart hurt for the family. My heart hurts once again. Thank you for being someone. I hope that I am someone and that my daughter always has someone to go to in her times of need.

Rachel said...

Heartbreaking loss - I don't get it.

But I think it's such a needed thing - to be intentional about telling our kids (even in writing) that they have value and that we are there for them.

And that second part... is what you can't train into them... it's what you model, encourage, and foster to grow in their good hearts. So much of it depends on us to help them be compassionate persons. So thankful you are such a part of that in your kid's life.