Late night thoughts on grocery shopping on Christmas Eve eve

Almost the last thing I wanted to do at 10:30pm was go to the grocery store. But it was December 23, Christmas Eve eve, and I was bound and determined to lay in the supplies for Christmas day before Christmas Eve.

It had already been an expensive day. New brake pads (4 of them) on the van, an oil change for Annie's car, the last of the Christmas gift purchases -- all of which were more or less planned for -- and then the totally unexpected need to replace Annie's one and only pair of eyeglasses when they accidentally broke in a moment of horseplay with Charlie. So I was determined to spend wisely on this trip.

That meant I sat down ahead of time to update my Target Cartwheel and match up coupons to as many things as I could. By the time I hit the Target parking lot, it was 10:30pm. Here is what went through my head:

1. Thank God Target is open until midnight tonight. 
2. Stick to the list, Amy. Stick to the li--ooh! Gingerbread houses (Note: Restraint was victorious)
3. Oh, we do need bananas. And ketchup. (Victory short-lived)
4. 5 people with two weeks home for Christmas break? This is gonna be expensive.
5. Merry Christmas to me -- I'm buying the pre-made veggie tray instead of making it myself. (For the record, I was going to clean, chop and assemble it myself, but the only celery I could find was a seen-better-days package of organic celery. You can't have a proper veggie tray without celery.)
6. Wow. The key to shopping on Christmas Eve eve is coming late at night. There's practically no one here. 
7. I'm not buying hot dogs. Robbie will eat 5 in a day and then they will be gone.
8. So many 2 for $5 deals. Did I mention this is gonna be expensive.
9. I will buy one bag of "good" bagels and one bag of Market Pantry bagels.
10. Ding! Ding! Ding! Doing the happy dance here! Spiral sliced ham for $1.99/pound, minus $1 per pound with my coupon, minus 10% on the Cartwheel, minus 10% for the Red Card + Rx Rewards = spiral sliced ham for about 80 cents a pound! Let's buy two!
11. Yes! The last box of sugar cookie cutouts. Bake and decorate. Perfect! I wonder if that's on the Cartwheel?
12. Crappy cereal as Christmas gifts...brilliant! 
13. Seriously, all the hash browns are gone? Yes, I could make my own, but it's Christmas. See #5.
14. Chocolate chip peppermint slice & bake cookies?! That must have been what Beth did for her party.
15. Don't forget the dog food.
16. Orange juice. Better write "do not drink" on this when I get home or it will be gone before Christmas morning.
17. Can beef jerky be a stocking stuffer? 
18. Almost finished. Just need to find the hashbrowns, oh! and batteries. Duracell 9 volt. I have a coupon for that.
19. Why are batteries so flipping expensive? 
20. Where did all these people come from and why are there only 2 checkout lanes open?
21. Coupons, Passbook, Cartwheel, pharmacy rewards, Red Card. It's like a game.
22. I win! Took $50 off my total. 
23. It really might be easier to push this cart home than unload it into the van only to unload it from the van to the kitchen. 
24. Where are my keys? And my phone? Maybe shopping while exhausted isn't a great idea.
25. Midnight. Whew. Closed down the store. I sure hope that someone is awake at home to help me carry all these in and put them away.
26. I am DONE. I will not set foot into a store until sometime next week...oh crap. Forgot I need one quick thing at Walgreen's. I'll make Mike go. 
27. Bet this might make a good blog post.

The Laundry Manifesto

Dear Kids:

I know that I have admitted in the past that I kind of enjoy doing laundry. I wasn't lying. I like watching my DVR'd shows while folding laundry in the family room. However, there are some aspects of the task of laundry that I do not enjoy. For that reason, I feel compelled to write and share this "Laundry Manifesto."

1. I will wash, dry and fold your laundry. I will not, however, put it away. That is your responsibility.
2. Socks will not be matched or folded. Instead, they will be immediately placed in the sock basket. Please don't ask me for socks. Get thee to the basket and find some for yourself.
3. Clean and folded laundry will be placed in neat piles on the couch. If you wish to sit on the couch, you must first carry the piles to their appropriate locations. The floor is not an appropriate location. Neither is the bottom of the stairs. Nor is under your rear end on the couch.
4. Hell hath no fury like a woman whose laundry piles have been shoved, smashed or unfolded instead of carried upstairs. Put the laundry away or wrestle somewhere else.
5. Once clean laundry is moved from the couch, it should be put away. Pants and shirts with buttons should be hung in your closet. Hollering that you can't find "x" item, only for me to enter your room and find it on the floor will not be dealt with kindly.
6. I am your mother. I gave birth to you and know you probably better than anyone else does. That does not mean I always know which t-shirts are yours. If you discover one of your siblings' clothing in your pile, do not throw it in the dirty clothes. Carry it to their rooms. Even better, be daring and put it away for them.
7. I encourage you to check your pockets before putting clothes in the laundry. Any money left in said pockets becomes the property of the laundress. 
8. If you need something specific to be cleaned and ready for tomorrow, 11pm is not an okay time to let me know that. 
9. You are welcome to use the washer and dryer. If you don't know how, ask. If you choose to do a load of laundry yourself, do the environmentally responsible thing and please make sure it's a load. Two t-shirts do not constitute a load.
10. You know that fury I mentioned in #3? Multiply it by 10 if you put clean items in the dirty clothes. Multiply by 20 if the clean clothes are still folded. 
11. Clean clothes that are found in the dirty laundry will be immediately selected for donation to the Goodwill. 

 If we all follow these simple rules (note: they are not suggestions), we'll get along just fine.

Love,
Mom.