I want to talk about how difficult it is to watch her slip away physically and how unfair it is that mentally she is absolutely aware of all the ways that her body is betraying her. I want to share about the dedication of my father-in-law as her life's partner and her caregiver.
But my in-laws are fairly private people. I'm pretty sure they would not share details about their lives to the extent that I've shared about mine on this blog. And so I hesitate to write the post I really want to write because it's just not my story to tell.
There is an offshoot of this situation that is mine, however. I can share my unease at how to support my husband in this transition, this long good-bye to his mom. I can confess that I have miserably failed at sending my mother-in-law cards and pictures of the kids and artwork that they've made. I can attempt to earn some redemption by revealing that I do call her, two to three times a week to give her a glimpse of her grandchildren's lives.
I know that plenty of times in the past 17 years of my marriage, my mother-in-law has been the cause of many an eye roll, an impatient toe tap, a passing of the phone as it's ringing because "it's YOUR mother." But I can count just as many times that she has been the source of laughter and joy and relief. She once came for a visit and a paid by the pound to have the dry cleaner do all the laundry I was behind on. (We're talking several trash bags full of clothes!)
I can look back objectively and see how she has supported me in my role as wife and mother, how she has only wanted to the best for us and done what she could to help bring that about. I can even look at myself and see that in many ways, she and I are very similar (though I am considerably less busty).
At 40 years old, I still have three grandparents living. It seems absolutely unfair that my children will lose one of theirs before Charlie and Robbie even reach their teen years. So, while the story of my mother-in-law's illness is not mine to tell, the story of her life is...and will be so that my kids are always aware of what a remarkable woman their GoGo is.
Thanks to Shell at Things I Can't Say
for giving me space to share what I can't say.
