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Friday, April 23, 2010

It's her loss.

So I was minding my own business on Facebook -- well, that's a lie because Facebook is all about minding other people's business, right? Anyway, I was on Facebook and I came across a link to an article about Biggest Loser trainer Jillian Michaels.

The article was a FoxNews report that was discussing a quote by Jillian that appears in "Women's Health" magazine. On the subject of motherhood, she said "I'm going to adopt. I can't handle doing that to my body."

Wow. That's so sad and clearly indicative that Jillian doesn't understand the first and most critical tenet of motherhood -- selflessness.

There aren't many women who would jump up and down for the opportunity to watch stretch marks streak across their bellies; who would sign up for months of nausea and wretched heartburn; who would say "sure, make my boobs sag, what do I care?;" or who would voluntarily expel a watermelon from their lady parts. No one would volunteer for that duty just for kicks.

But thousands of women do just that every day in a selfless act of love, in putting their baby's well-being above that of their hourglass figure. Some of those women carry the "scars" of pregnancy and childbirth around for a long time in the form of extra weight, bellies no longer fit to be seen in public, breasts that need significant help to fight gravity. And others are back into their size 6 jeans within a few weeks, pushing their newborns in a jog stroller while the other mothers clutch their coffee cups and mutter curse words under their breaths.

I don't miss having a newborn and the sleepless nights that come with it. But I do miss being pregnant. I miss feeling the baby move within me and having the choice to share that with someone, allowing them to put their hand on my belly, or keeping it all to myself like a sacred secret. I miss the mystery of wondering who the baby would look like. If he would have my nose or Mike's cheeks? I miss jiggling my belly to see if I would get a response in the form of a kick or turn.

Jillian would give up all that for a perfect body?

Wow. It's her loss.


Denise said...

Well said Amy. I was tiny at one point in my life. I was not a mother. Now, I am not so tiny, but I am a mom six times over. What a treasure it was to carry each one of them.

kimybeee said...

Right there with you Amy. I have never been a fan of her's, I don't watch Biggest Loser 99.9% of the time, but now I have no respect for her at all. It would have been different if she said that many children needed homes that didn't have them or even that her body was not suitable for a pregnancy. But to say she wouldn't do "that" to her body shows that she is not a person that would give a newborn what he needs. Did she go on to say that a nanny would raise the adopted kids cause she couldn't do "that" either???

I have to say that this kinda even pisses me off...

kimybeee said...

And you forgot to mention hemorroids and a peeing all over yourself everytime you sneeze!

Sharon said...

I applaud you! Excellent.
How sad. And it's especially sad (from the fitness sense), because she KNOWS how to get herself back in shape in no time should she ever have a biological child. Is she a lesbian?

And others are back into their size 6 jeans within a few weeks, pushing their newborns in a jog stroller while the other mothers clutch their coffee cups and mutter curse words under their breaths.

I almost spit my coffee out from laughing! That was so me after each kid I had. So so true. Except clutching coffee, regular Coke, and a Hershey bar. ;)

Unknown said...

Who told you my kids' first words were coffee and dammit? I remember when I first got my butt kicked by my now favorite Y trainer. I was so ready to leave her torture chamber until I learned she looked like that AND had three boys via her "lady parts"-(LOL).

Joanie said...

Good post, Amy! Actually I'd be surprised if she said she wanted children. I don't get a "mommy" vibe from her at all.

Jessica McCoy said...

I too am surprised that she even wants kids. I'm not a mom yet but I can't wait to be pregnant. Sure there is a lot of weight gain, stretch marks, etc but who cares. I'll be thankful for every pound and stretch mark when I get to experience motherhood.

babybeezymom said...

You are right. Even with two very difficult pregnancies I do agree that it is her loss. If vanity is that important then maybe she has deeper issues.

I am rockin' my sretch marks and belly roll. And sure, my bigger booty causes endless wedgies. But, it is wonderful to look at my little ones and see bits and pieces of my husband and I.

PS: Amy, I am a University of Findlay graduate. Born and raised in southern Indiana.

Anonymous said...

I too just saw that article, then ironically saw your post. It is sad and very selfish.

I get that being a mom and motherhood isn't for everyone, and that is their right - however to act like pregnancy is the plague is annoying.

I wouldn't trade those secret baby kicks, labor or those sweet, sweet baby kisses for anything!

Eternal Lizdom said...

Makes me lose respect for her. Sounds to me like she already is the biggest loser. I full support adoption- but for the right reasons. Not for selfish, superficial ones.

I also think it really disconnects her from her clients- how can she help women who have "done that to their bodies" with any kind of sympathy and care and concern??

Micah and Emily said...

Great post Amy!

What I think is sad is that one of the greatest gifts we have to leave behind is a type of living legacy of ourselves, a piece of us...I hope she wakes up one day and realizes she has missed out on one of the most incredible experiences of her life.

The gerontologist part of me says...well honey, you might have a great body now, but give it some time and Mother Nature make quick work of that!


Lighthousegal said...

I am more concerned about the second part of her statement - "When you rescue something, it's like rescuing a part of yourself". First of all, a child is not a "something". Second, adoption is not about rescuing. It infuriates me when I hear how all these children "need to be saved, so I am going to adopt one". The only reason to adopt is because you want this child to be part of your family. There are plenty of people out there who choose to adopt because that is their first choice for a multitude of very good reasons. But the saviour mentality is NOT one of them. There are so many studies and adoptee reports of how damaging that "rescue" mindset is to the adopted person. Yes, I was one of those people who would have given anything to be pregnant, but once I moved beyond pregnancy envy to actually looking at the long term picture of a family for life I realized that all my experiences were God's way of making me ready for my girls. I tell them all the time that God created JB and EB shaped holes in my heart. They were not created for my family, I was created to be theirs.

OK, off my adoptive mom soapbox now.

Old Woman said...

I think that Jillian's comments come purely out of "self-image" issues. How her body will look during and after a pregnancy..what changes will take place. And for that I am sad for her.

My husband thinks she's transgender anyway...LOL.

Beth Zimmerman said...

Amy, That was beautiful! I read just the JM quote to my husband and he said she obviously isn't as strong as she thinks she is! It is terribly sad that she is giving up so much to keep that tiny body!

Amy said...

@lighthousegal - Nancy, I think adoption is a beautiful choice -- obviously my own family wouldn't be here if Mike's parents didn't choose adoption. And when I read what she said about "rescuing something" it didn't sit right with me, but I couldn't really articulate why that felt wrong. You did it beautifully!

@Liz - Totally with you on how it disconnects her from clients who made the choice to have a baby.

@OldWoman - I like your husband!

Cat said...

Well-said. I think adoption can be a beautiful choice, but it seems like her motivation is off. If anything, having and nursing a child has made me a million times more appreciative of the wonders my body is capable of.

Molly McCaffrey said...

Thanks for telling me about this, Amy. I had not heard about it.

Jillian Michaels is an idiot if she thinks that the decision to have a child should be based on her physical appearance. And I'm glad she's not a mother if that's her take.

But I do think that her comments are instructive in the sense that it shows us how effed up our attitudes about woman's bodies are.

And it proves that we have the false sense that women should have the same body after they have children as they do beforehand—which is complete B.S.

We MUST learn to accept that older women should have a little meat on their bones! And I'm happy to be the first person to be proud of the fact that I do.

Katie said...

Sounds like she wants to adopt for all the wrong reasons. Yuck :( I'll take a "ruined" body any day, my kids are more than worth it.

Mary Bowman said...

O.k......I have to play a little devil's advocate here. I now think that being pregnant is beautiful and I am so blessed to have carried my three boys naturally. However, those feelings grew in me AS I journeyed through my first pregnancy. I knew I wanted children, but before my first pregnancy, I have to admit that I had some serious body image concerns. For me, I grew to appreciate pregnancy and motherhood by experiencing them. It dramatically changed me and how I view my body (among other things) I guess what I am trying to say is that since being pregnant and becoming a mother can change who we are and how we view ourselves, maybe we should be careful in how harshly we judge someone who has not experienced this.

Mrs4444 said...

I agree. Every now and then, when I feel a peculiar gas pain, I remember the wiggling around in there and smile, haha.

Thanks for the great idea to contact OfficeMax. It is done. :)

Amy said...

@Mary - You bring up a good point that sometimes we grow into our roles in life. I still think it's sad that she is unwilling to consider the possibility just because she is unwilling to risk some cellulite or stretch marks. Although, this is coming from a woman who was glad to finally have an excuse for being round. :)

Momza said...

You hit the nail on the head there sister.
What Ms. Michaels values is pretty clear.
And being good to our bodies is important, to be sure, but to worship our bodies isn't healthy.

Denise Austin, fitness queen, had children and continued her career. She said it made her stronger and her life richer. So it looks like Ms. Michaels is a little ignorant, yes?

Shelley said...

Wow, Amy - what a great post.

And Jillian sad and shallow is she that she doesn't want to bear a child because she doesn't want to "do that" to her body?

I personally don't think she sounds like such a great candidate for adoption, you know? Because any woman who is so selfish that she'd avoid pregnancy just because it would mess up her perfect figure is also the kind of woman who would never consider taking her enthusiastic little son to a track meet in the middle of a spring downpour.

Marine Wife said...

Having carried 2 Amazons and delivered both via Caesarian (i.e., basically being cut in half), I know that carrying and delivering babies can be hard on your body. But it's so worth it. I don't miss pregnancy or the lost sleep of newborn days but I DO miss the feeling of the babies moving in my belly and being aware that my body was creating a new life, cell by cell. So, I guess I'm okay with the extra lbs. and the flabby tummy. Then again, I don't make my living based on how I look. Good thing, too.