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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Yes Mom, I was listening.

 photo menmom.jpgTonight is the first rehearsal for the event that will give me my 4-1/2 minutes of fame, "Listen to Your Mother." To prove that I can walk the talk, and that I did indeed listen to my mother, here are 10 things I learned from my own mom:
  1. If there is a business that never seems to have any customers, yet has been in business for a really long time, it's probably a front for drugs.

  2. When I don't want to go to church, I just have to ask myself "Do you think Jesus wanted to climb up on that cross and die for you?"

  3. Almost anything can be fixed with a paper clip and a rubber band.

  4. When beginning a test, say a quick prayer to St. John Chrysostom. Apparently he is the patron saint of smart people.

  5. I'm not going to be happy until somebody ends up crying.

  6. When I can make a free throw while holding a bag of groceries in one hand, I will belong to the "cool mom" group.

  7. Real moms buy sandwich bags that fold over, not zip; orange juice concentrate; and Nestle Quik.

  8. If you see some cute home decor at the store, don't bother buying it because you can just make it yourself. You probably won't get around to making it, but you could.

  9. Should the need arise, Serenity brand protection is the best for a leaky bladder.

  10. If your kid says his arm is broken, it probably is. However, you can wait a day or two to have it checked out just to be sure.
Confession: I must not have listened that closely because I could only come up with 8 things and I had to call my sister to help me recall the last two.

Listen to Your Mother Indianapolis is Thursday, May 2.
Get your tickets today! (Really -- prices go up on April 15.)

You can read what some of my fellow cast members have learned from their mothers too:

Hillary at Midwest Berliners 
Robyn at Hollow Tree Ventures


Michelle said...

Love this! I didn't know about St. John. The big one in my house was St. Anthony for all of the lost things :)

RobynHTV said...

Love this list, and the fact that your sister helped you out!

I live by #8, too. ;)

Beth Zimmerman said...

#8 must be in the female gene! Even before Pinterest!

Anonymous said...

from AMY's Mom...
#4-I was told to pray to St. John Crysosten before a test to pray that the only questions on the test were the ones to which you know the answers...or was it while you were studying for the test that you studied the things that would be on the test, since the test was prob already printed by the time you were studying.

AMY, I am surprised you forgot my Emergency Room Rules:
1. Never take your child to the ER in July. That's when all the NEW interns have just started, and they are out to rid the world of child abusers!! (Even though you had just fallen off your swingset at age 3 and broke your arm.)
2. Don't ever go to the ER and tell them you think you are vomiting blood, unless you are SURE it's not spaghetti sauce, red jello, or Cherry Kool-Aid. Because if you say "vomiting blood," you're going to get a garden hose shoved up your nose and down into your stomach to find out for sure what it is!!
3. A little more on the serious side, don't EVER let the ER doctor, resident, PA, etc. sew up a cut on your FACE. Kindly insist on a plastic surgeon for that part of your body.

But I am glad you did remeber at least 8 things I taught you :-)

Amy said...

So that's why tests seemed so hard. I was praying to the wrong dude. I've been misspelling his name for years.

Love the new 3 things to remember. And now that they are written down, I'm sure to not forget them.