How Monday went down(hill)

My Monday started at 1:30am, when I went to bed. I stayed up late working on a project for work, one that I had to present at our 9am staff meeting. Bed at 1:30, alarm at 6am, hit snooze once or twice (or thrice). "I might get 5 hours of sleep," I thought to myself.

Enter Charlie with a bloody nose at 3:30am.

"Mom? Mom?" Why do they never ask for Dad? "I have a bloody nose and it's all over my pillow."

Ok. Out of bed, tend to bloody nose, be compassionate to big boy until the red tide has stopped and he's ok with going back to bed.4am. Zzzzzzzzzz.

6am. Boing! Boing! Boing! Annoying ring tone signals it's time to hit the snooze button.

6:09am. Boing! Boing! Boing! Snooze.

6:18am Boing! Boing! Boing! Oh crap!

"Anniecharlierobbie! Everyone up!"

Hop in the shower. Lather, rinse, out. Grab some clothes, attempt to shake the wrinkles out. Head downstairs to dish up honey nut genericOs and pack a carbalicious lunch for Robbie.

"Anniecharlie! Are you up? Robbie -- go get some socks from the sock basket. Charlie, I need to hear you...Robbie, now put the socks on. Your feet. Not on the kitchen table. Mike! Are you getting ready? She's gonna be here in 15 minutes! Kids come get your medicine. Robbie, the socks. NOW. Ok. Now shoes. Check the basement. Take this medicine. Charlie! You're gonna miss the bus. Come get your medicine. Annie, go start the car and turn on the defroster. Charlie..."

Up goes my hand, with Charlie's ADD medicine in it. Pop goes the pill in my mouth. Swig of Diet Coke and "Oh crap! What did I just do?! That wasn't my medicine."

And that was just the start to my day. I dropped the kids at their varied places, discovered two holes in the back of my shirt, and headed to a doctor's appointment. It was a new doctor in a new building. I found it easily enough, but wasn't sure which of the 4 entrances I should use. So I pulled into a spot, got out the registration letter and headed for an entrance. Clearly, the ADD meds hadn't kicked in yet because this is how I left my car in the parking lot:

Oops.

Off to the office, late for the meeting where I was scheduled to present the project I'd stayed up until 1:30am working on. You know, the project that my boss said during the meeting that we didn't really have time to discuss and could I just give a re-cap? That same meeting that I looked down at the agenda and saw another assignment that I was supposed to have finished but completely spaced.

Oh yeah, Monday was not loving me at that moment. Trust me, the feeling was mutual.

But things were looking up. Everyone in my office was set to go out to lunch to celebrate my birthday (belatedly). As the birthday girl, I got to pick the restaurant. So I did. But that place was deemed too far away. Plan B was a great Mexican place within walking distance of the office. I could almost taste the fish tacos and guacamole just thinking about them. That's as close I was going to get today...we walked there only to realize the place is closed on Mondays.

After lunch at Plan C, it was back to the office. My thoughts were racing (maybe those ADD meds?) and I had a tough time shaking the anxiety of the day. What happened next told me with no uncertainty that I had crossed into the danger zone.

I started thinking about how I would probably feel much better if I went for a walk. People, do you see what happened? The events of the day transcended my usual instincts to inhale some chocolate or find a donut STAT. Instead the unthinkable happened -- my stress had driven me to the point of CONTEMPLATING. EXERCISE. I told you it was serious.

Not wanting to get all sweaty, I opted instead to tune into the "relaxation station" on Pandora Radio. Some deep breathing and I was able to finish the work day.

The evening finished out circling back to get Mike's laptop bag that he left in the car of the woman nice enough to transport him to work and back; the younger-than-me people at Target giving me a whatchutalkinaboutwillis look when I said something about the Keystone Cops in reference to my day; and my internet connection blinking in and out as I am trying to finish this blog post.

Now I really need to hop in the bathtub and shave my legs. But I think I'll wait until Tuesday.

The Erma test

After spending two plus days at the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop, you can imagine the pressure I felt to come back and post something funny. I thought about it the whole way home. I even half-hoped my family would provide some fodder when I walked in the door.

I was so deep in thought that I barely heard, then subsequently ignored, the low fwap-fwap-fwap sound coming from somewhere behind me as I neared the end of the drive.

My hopes for humor-inducing minor catastrophe were dashed when I walked in to a pretty picked up looking house. Shoot.

Twenty minutes later, I was out the door again, on my way to the gas station/theatre class/soccer game/church. If there was a fwap-fwap-fwap going on, I didn't hear it. But as we pulled on to the highway, there was a very loud POPSLAP!

"What was that?" Annie asked.

"I don't know." I shook my head and kept driving.

There was no more fwap-fwap-fwap. But there was a loud and getting louder gruuuuund-gruuuuuund-gruuuuuuund. I looked around for some beater of a car driving by that could be making that ruckus. No luck. By this time it was clear that I -- or at least my car -- was the source of the ruckus. I didn't really want to pull over on the side of the highway, so I put my flashers on and slowly drove to the nearest exit, just around the bend.

That's when I noticed the bluish-black smoke and started to smell something burning. Had I lost my tailpipe? Was the radiator dragging? Was the engine on fire?

Now off the highway, I pulled over to the side of the road, turned off the car and braced myself for what I might find.

That bluish-black smoke? Does "burn rubber" mean anything to you? Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen, fwap-fwap-fwap, POPSLAP and gruuuuund-gruuuuuund-gruuuuuund are the sounds of a leaking, exploding, and finally shredding tire.

I am happy to report that I did NOT cry. I did what any other blogger/recent attendee of the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop would do. I raised my eyes to the heavens, laughed at the knowledge that Erma was putting me to the test, and started taking pictures.

(No, I don't think Erma Bombeck has the power to cause my tire to shred. I'm sure she put God up to it.)

After I was finished taking pictures, it was time to find the spare tire. I was pretty sure it was in the trunk -- under my luggage from the conference, my CPAP machine, the earth-friendly grocery bags, the extra fabric from Annie's $100 uniform skirt, the pair of shoes I meant to take back to Old Navy last fall, two Christmas gifts I knew I bought but couldn't find in December, three blankets in case we ever got stranded on the side of the road in the wintertime, and the body of Jimmy Hoffa.

Just after I moved all that stuff to the inside of the car and before I could figure out if our AAA membership is still active, a big maroon truck pulled up behind me and a guy asked if I needed help. After quickly reasoning that he wouldn't kill me in front of my children, I said sure.

Ten minutes and some small talk as I waved oncoming cars to the other lane later, I was on my way.  Thanks to Darrell of the big maroon truck for coming to my rescue.

And thanks to Erma for helping me laugh about it.

P.S.

Just had to share what happened after I posted yesterday in "Somedays I've got it (...all wrong):"

I needed to leave at 6:30pm to take Annie and two other kids to confirmation class. Simple enough, unless you can't find your keys. I finally found them at 6:40. Got in the car, all set to go, and...no gas. I had just enough fumes to make it to the corner gas station. Thank God for small blessings.

Today will be a better day. (I hope.)

Somedays I've got it (...all wrong)

I felt pretty good when I left the house this morning. One of those "look at me, I'm so on top of it" mornings.

I had looked ahead at the lunch menu and saw that school lunch was spicy beef and rice, a definite no-go for the boys. So I packed their lunches and while I was at it, I packed Annie's too. Then I even packed a lunch for me.

I'd made sure the boys "Teamwork Tuesday" t-shirts were clean and ready to wear today.

I told Robbie he'd be going to after care while Charlie went to the first day of his study skills class.  I made sure Charlie remembered about the class.

Before I left for work, I put dinner in the crockpot. Another small victory in the morning-time battle.

Then I left home and realized about 2 miles down the road that I'd left my cell phone at home. Hello, handbasket.

It was around noon when I realized that Teamwork Tuesday is next week. Oops. Pretty sure I'll be hearing about that one.

Then I looked at the lunch menu to see what tomorrow's lunch is, you know, so I can plan ahead. It turns out spicy beef and rice IS tomorrow's lunch. Today's was cereal and fruit. Something both boys would have definitely eaten. So now I have to make lunch AGAIN.

When I got to school at 3:30pm to pick up Charlie from study skills class, the teacher told me he was so eager and ready when he reported to her room after school...but that study skills class doesn't start until Thursday.

At least the dinner that was in the crockpot turned out to be delicious. I know this because I've already tasted it. Apparently 6oz. of fat-free yogurt, some pumpkin flax granola and carrots is not enough to call "lunch" because when I got home I was ravenous, so I dug into tonight's dinner. Just a small taste test, you know.

Fifteen minutes or so later, I heard my cell phone ringing. I found it (under a pillow on the couch) and saw that I had 5 text messages and 3 missed phone calls. Including one from the high school carpool saying that her daughter didn't go to school today and could I pick Annie up? Have I mentioned the school is 30 minutes away from home? In the direction I just came from 90 minutes ago?

 Happily, because I didn't return the carpool mom's message, she went ahead and picked Annie up. Well, that was a saving grace!

Nothing that happened (or didn't happen) today was tragic. Nothing was even urgent -- well, except making sure Annie wasn't stuck at school. But nonethless, I'm ready for Murphy to move along and take his law with him.