Madness

Today's topic, Class, is madness. Not as in mental instability, but as in the state of being mad -- ANGER. Though, I suppose it's true that anger can lead to mental instability. I could have called this post "Anger," but the term "Madness" seemed more enticing.

Anger is so consuming. It needles its way into my thoughts when I should be thinking of something else. It raises my blood pressure and makes me wish I hadn't forgotten to take my medicine today. It squinches up my mouth into a sour pucker. It makes me tired.

Anger is physical. It is tightness in the chest and clenched fists and feeling the need to hit or kick or tear something.

Anger is sometimes quick and then over. Someone cutting me off in traffic. A parent from the opposing soccer team saying something not very sportsmanlike. And sometimes anger is lingering, layered on over time, fusing itself into my very existence.

Anger is manipulative. It gets my heart into a shouting match with my head. My heart says "let it go, forgive." My head says "you deserve to be angry; you deserve to make that other person pay for what they did."

Anger is in some ways protective. It constructs a solid wall around the heart, saying "no one can hurt you if they can't get in." Except what anger doesn't tell you is that by not letting people in, the heart withers.

And so there is a choice. Rise above the hurt and forgive. Or give in to the anger, enjoy the temporary satisfaction it brings, and add another brick to the wall.

Sometimes I hate choosing.