Crossing the color line

When I was in my 20's, I had ideas for how my life was going to work and generally didn't have any trouble sharing my life's expectations with family, friends and co-workers. One of the things I was adamant about was that, when the time came, I would gray gracefully. I would not fall into the vanity of coloring my hair.

That coming from a 20-something is like a single woman declaring "When I have children, they will not run around the grocery store like heathens, they will be perfectly behaved in restaurants, and they will never talk back to me." Lofty goals, unlikely reality.

Sometime in my early 30s, I started coloring a bit just for the fun of going auburn or experimenting with blondish highlights. It really wasn't about hiding anything.

Now 18 years and 3 children after my bold declaration about graying, the hormones, the years, and the stress from both of those things have done a number on my hair. On the top, the strands of gray are becoming more prevalent. Why is that the gray hairs are the crazy-whack-funky ones that stand straight up or kink in four different directions?

I'll admit to having colored my hair on several occasions for the purpose of preserving my youth. Usually the color came from a box. Sometimes from a salon. But for the past four or five months, I've been going back to that "gray gracefully" theory. I work in a place that's all about positive aging, for crying out loud. So shouldn't I embrace my age instead of try to cover it up?

Well...that sounds good. However, the fact of the matter is that we're not talking about a few straggly grays in the crown of my head. Nope. The sides of my head are almost completely white. It's most noticeable when I wear my sunglasses like a headband (frequently) or when I tuck my hair behind my ears (almost always). Mike said I look like Paulie Walnuts from the Sopranos:

We talk a lot at work about successful aging. And I think that perhaps that means growing old on your own terms, aging in a way that you are comfortable with.

If that's an accurate definition, then I plan to be incredibly successful tomorrow with a box of Clairol Natural Instincts #20 Hazelnut.

How to talk to old pregnant women

We had a surprise baby shower today for my friend Julie. This is her 5th baby. Her 4th child is 5-1/2 and Julie is probably in her early 40s. (Julie -- if you're younger than that, sorry!) A few months before Julie found out she was pregnant, she decided to stop coloring her hair and go with her natural all-over silver gray.

As you might imagine, the combo of silver hair with a pregnant belly gets some notice. According to Julie, most people have been pretty polite about it. However, a few who have obviously not graduated from charm school could stand some training in things you should -- and should not -- say to old pregnant women.

So, in honor of Julie, Sarah Palin, my own mom who had her last baby at 43 and all older mothers --

Things you should NOT say to pregnant women of advanced maternal age:

• Do you know how old you will be when this kid graduates from high school? (As if Mom-to-be hasn't done the math herself!)
  
• Wow, it's so cool of you to offer to carry your daughter's baby!
• Guess you hadn't hit menopause yet after all.
• So which is worse? Arthritis or morning sickness?
• Boy, you're never gonna be an empty nester, are you?
• At least your stretch marks will be hidden by your wrinkles.
• Oh my gawd! Weren't your older kids totally grossed out that you still have sex?
• Obviously your husband is hot for older women!

Things you SHOULD say to pregnant women of advanced maternal age:

• Congratulations!
  
• The silver in your hair reflects beautifully off your belly.
• Older and wiser is a great combo for motherhood.
• I'd be happy to babysit.
• I just read a study that said babies of older mothers are smarter/calmer/cuter (insert something positive) here.
• Glad to see you guys still have some passion in your marriage.
• Lucky you! You get to play with toys again!

Got any other ones? Go ahead and leave a comment to share them with the class.