Are you suffering from FFS?

If you live in one of the 30 states in the U.S. currently under attack by the snow and ice, you are at risk for FFS. Family Fatigue Syndrome.

FFS affects each person differently and at different levels of exposure to family togetherness. Symptoms of FFS include:

• Locking yourself in the bathroom and telling those inevitably calling to you from the other side that you have a sudden and wicked intestinal virus and you can't possibly leave the bathroom for the next two hours.
• Inability to make gentle suggestions such as "could you please unload the dishwasher." Rather, what comes out of your mouth is "You have 5 minutes to unload the dishwasher or else you will never play video games again for the rest of your life."
• Poor decision-making skills, marked by manic thoughts of slipping down your icy street in your pajamas, screaming "Please don't make me go back there!"
• Acts of borderline child neglect such as locking the doors while the kids are outside playing in the snow, then going to watch a movie with the volume turned up REALLY loud.
• Distorted interpretations of Carol Brady. Instead of baking cookies for your loving offspring, you throw a roll of slice-and-bake cookie dough on the table and tell them to fend for themselves.
• Intermittent periods of catatonia during which your family says you have a strange glazed look and a frightful smile while muttering "Hi Boss! So good to see you again."
• Displays of desperation for animal care. This might show itself in ways such as throwing open the door, running to the middle of the back yard, disrobing from the waist down, squatting and going #2 while yelling, "See dog? It IS possible to poop in the back yard during a snowstorm!"

An associated affliction to FFS is HFS -- husband fatigue syndrome. This is much more severe than FFS. If you are feeling any stir craziness or animosity toward your husband as a result of being enclosed in the same house for days on end, suggest that he go elsewhere for a little while. Like Wyoming.

If you have any of the above symptoms, please for the love of all sanity, get out of the house RIGHT NOW. Go to a childless neighbor's house. Slip and slide your way to the grocery store. Sit in the car with a bottle of wine and Facebook on your phone. Save yourself. Do it now!

Ice-pocalypse

I definitely got my wish. Indianapolis is one big ice rink. My office and the kids' school is closed for the second day in a row. Fortunately, we haven't had any trouble with our power, though others haven't been so lucky. My sister's power was off for a few hours.

Here are some pictures I took yesterday afternoon, before the really serious ice hit. I don't think I'll be heading outside to take any more today. I just let the dog out and the wind is crazy wild.

As much as I was all for staying in the house -- even canceled my root canal -- Charlie was all about going outside and enjoying the weather. He even used the sled to "snowboard" down the backyard. (He was wearing a helmet when he was doing it on the driveway.)

Sorry to make you turn  your head. I always forget that I can't turn the camera long-wise when the video recorder is rolling.

Hope you're snug and safe wherever you are today!

Snow job?

One of the things I miss most about being a work-from-home mom is being snowed in for days on end. Back in my freelancing days, if we got a good snow, I could stay in the house for 3 to 5 days with no problem. I loved it -- the coziness of being warm inside, looking at the frosty scene on the other side of the window.

Now that I'm a working mama, however, that's not really a possibility. Sure, if school is closed, I'll stay home. But if school's not closed, then I still have to make the drive into work. (Well, I can work from home for a day, but not for days at a time.) These are the days that I'm jealous of my friends who are SAHMs, enjoying snowy days in their jammies.

So last night when the weather dude declared a "Winter Storm Warning" with 4-7 inches of snow predicted starting about midnight tonight, I tried really hard not to get my hopes up. It seems that where we live, the wind often sweeps storms just north of us and delivers the snow to our east and west, but not much here. Still, the prospect of 4-7 inches had me cautiously optimistic.

When I woke up this morning, the weather guy wasn't quite as animated about the storm, calling it a "Winter Storm Watch" instead of a warning, suggesting we might see 3-6 inches of snow on Thursday. Ugh! I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up. By the time tomorrow actually comes, we'll probably get 2 inches -- not even enough for a two hour delay.

My friend Lidia, who is a meteorologist by training and who used to work for the National Weather Service, assures me that a good amount of the fluffy white stuff will fall here. She says not to listen to the weather clowns on TV, but to stick with the reports direct from the National Weather Service, which Lidia swears under-reports snowfall estimates so they don't scare people.

And the NWS is predicting sub-zero temps and 4-6 inches of snow. So I brought my work laptop home, stopped at the grocery for milk and a few other provisions, just in case. But I am biting my tongue with the kids -- I'd hate to get their hopes -- and mine -- up.

But maybe if I'm lucky, we'll get snowed in tomorrow...and Friday...and the weekend too.