Office bathroom ettiquette

On the floor of the building where I work, there are two women's restrooms, two men's restrooms and two unisex/handicapped bathrooms. Each of the women'srestrooms have two stalls. I can't speak for the men's restrooms because I've never been in there, though now I'm a little curious...

Anyway, I was in the ladies' room closest to my office, when I heard someone else come in. I knew by the gait and by the shoes it was one of my co-workers. (I won't say who because I do have to work with these people.) As I was washing my hands, she stood behind me, waiting for access to the lone sink and said in a silly voice, "I broke one of the bathroom rules!"

"What bathroom rule is that," I asked.

"I came in here when someone else was in here."

"That's not a rule," I told her. "That's just a courtesy."

To be clear, there are no posted bathroom rules, though I think it might be a good idea. But after working in the same office for nearly five years, I've noticed the evolution of certain practices that could be included in a short set of "office bathroom etiquette" rules, or guidelines if you prefer to be softer about it. They would look something like this:

Office Bathroom Etiquette

1. If you happen to be headed to the bathroom at the same time as someone else, remember the boss gets the stall closest to the sink. The business manager prefers the one furthest from the sink.
2. The above should not really be an issue because if you are headed to the bathroom at the same time as someone else, it is courteous to go find another bathroom. That way you don't have to listen to each other pee.
3. If you have to go #2, please choose one of the single-seater unisex bathrooms. That way no one has to listen to your, um, activity. And you avoid offending anyone's olfactory senses.

At least one person in my office would take issue with #3, saying that it's ok to go #2 in the community bathroom if it's not going to be "grody" (her word, not mine). My contention is that you don't know if it's going to be grody until it's too late and isn't all poop grody by default?

I'd be all for a posted sign instructing people to avoid emptying their bowels in the community bathroom if at all possible. Or perhaps a more subtle approach would be to just put a picture of Winnie the Pooh on the doors to the unisex bathrooms, indicating that it is an acceptable "poo" room.

Anyway, back to the etiquette...I'm undecided about the acceptability of talking while peeing. If being in the bathroom at the same time as someone else is unavoidable (refer back to etiquette rule 2), should you quietly and quickly go about your business? Or should you initiate conversation so as to drown out the sound of pee? I suppose it depends on whether or not you know the person in the next stall over.

And of course, it should go without saying that one of the cardinal rules of bathroom etiquette is washing your hands afterwards, singing the ABCs twice for good infection control.

Have I forgotten anything? Is there anything else you would add?

For more office antics, try this fun game.

It works if you work it.

Remember Jill from my office? The one who is both clueless and brilliant at the same time?

Well, yesterday morning, Jill was looking for me. I was at an offsite meeting from 8am to noon. I had the meeting scheduled on my electronic calendar, which is accessible by everyone in the office. Because of the nature of the meeting (we were running a focus group), I had my cell phone (the dumb one) turned off.

When I got back in the car, I had four messages.

The first was from Jill:

"Amy, did you have a chance to review that CFL report? I need your feedback." That was about 9am.

The next message, recorded at 9:30am was from Annie:

"Mom, a lady from your office called looking for you. I told her you were at work, but she said you aren't there. She said she would try to track you down. Can you call her?"

Then at 10:15am, another message from Annie:

"Mom, where are you? Why aren't you at work? Can you call me? I'm getting worried."

Then at 11am, a tearfully panicked message from Annie:
"Mommy! Where arrrrrre you?! I'm scared you got in an accident or got kidnapped. Why aren't you at work? Why aren't you answering me? Pllleeeeeeaaaaaasssssse call me, Mommy! (sob...sob...sob...)"

So of course, I called Annie right away and assured her that I was indeed alive and well. Then I called Jill and explained to her if she had only clicked the little "calendar" tab in the e-mail system, she would have know right away where I was and wouldn't have traumatized my 12 year old daughter.

Technology: It works if you work it.

Try this at the office...

Looking for a way to inject a little fun into your workday? Try this game I call "Hello? Is Anyone There?" Here's how it went down at my office the other day.

Many of us in my department have offices along the same hallway. One of my co-workers -- let's call her "Jill" -- has the office two doors down from me. Jill is alternately the flightiest and the smartest woman I know. Because she would eat me alive if I tried to go head to head with her on strategy or project management, I take great delight in exposing her clueless side.

About mid-morning on Tuesday, I heard the clop-clop-clop of Jill's shoes in the hallway. After she'd gotten about 3 or 4 feet from her office, her phone rang. CLOP-CLOP-CLOP-CLOP sounded as she double-timed her way back to answer it, arriving a few seconds too late.

"Darnit! I hate it when people hang up before I can get to it," I heard her say to no one in particular.

At that moment, a lightbulb went off in my head.

So I waited for the next opportunity, which came about 20 minutes later. Clop-clop-clop -- Jill left her desk again. As soon as I heard her heels strike the hallway, I dialed Jill's extension. After the first ring, I heard the rapid CLOP-CLOP-CLOP-CLOP. Then I quickly hung up before she got within reach of the receiver.

"Ugh! Again?!" she cried out.

And again later that hour, upon the sound of her footsteps, I dialed the four numbers to her office, giggling to myself.

"Hello? Hello?" Jill called into the phone, obviously irritated. "This thing isn't working," she asserted, sure this was another failure of office technology.

Throughout the course of the day, I dialed Jill's extension numerous times -- on at least half of which I heard her fruitlessly running back to pick it up and growling at the dead air that greeted her. This was too much fun to keep to myself, so I let a few people in on the gag and even got the boss to fabricate a reason to summon Jill so I could dial her back again.

Now, the success of this ruse was based on my correct assumption that Jill was oblivious to the fact that there is a LOG button on the phone. At the end of the day, when I decided to 'fess up, I was nice enough to show her the log feature, displaying my own extension on her call log 16 times!

After calling me a few expletives, Jill, always a good sport, laughed and vowed her revenge. I'll keep my eyes open -- as I'm plotting my next move.