Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I am NOT the Biggest Loser

But I sure had fun trying to be.

Mike and I went to the Biggest Loser auditions in Indianapolis today. I wasn't sure what to expect, though I did have a slight hope that we might be picked for the show. Oh, how naive I was!

Photobucket

We arrived at Indiana Live Casino, where the auditions were being held, at about 9:30am. The posted start time for auditions was 10am. I'd planned to be there shortly after 8, however, we got a late start and then had a wee bit of navigational difficulty (read: the casino wasn't where we thought we knew it was). We parked in the designated lot and climbed aboard a shuttle that would take us to the clubhouse where the auditions were to be held.

There were about a dozen of us on the shuttle bus, and except for one young girl who was there to cheer on her friend, I was probably the smallest person on board. When we got off the shuttle bus and loaded into the elevator that would take us the audition space, I held my breath a bit and tried not to mentally calculate the weight load we'd just crammed onto the elevator, but instead prayed we would not get stuck between floors.

Mike and I knew there would be a wait and we were prepared. We'd brought books and magazines, healthy snacks (carrots, pears, pretzels), a laptop -- though we found no wifi. But we weren't prepared for what greeted us when the elevator doors opened. In front of us were about 25 tables of 8, all full of people waiting for their shot. To our right was auditorium seating, probably containing another 200 or so Biggest Loser hopefuls. We were instructed to just wait in the entry area until seats became available.

Looking around, I realized there are different classifications of fat. There is attractive fat, those people who are pretty or handsome, who just also happen to be larger in size. There is sloppy fat. These are the people who wear t-shirts and sweats and who don't do themselves any favors with their dress. There is cuddly fat, which is generally reserved for those big teddy bear-type guys. Then there is what Mike calls "can't wipe your butt" fat -- the very desperately, morbidly obese whose size makes even walking (and other daily activities) difficult. And they were all there, everyone tied by a desire to make a change -- or at least to have their 15 minutes of fame. For the record, I think I fall somewhere in between attractive fat and sloppy fat. Maybe I'm a fifth category -- plain Jane fat.

After only about 30 minutes of waiting in the entry area, we were selected with 6 others to take a seat at one of the tables that had opened up as the previous inhabitants had been taken for their interview. Our table was #1. A good omen, I hoped!

Photobucket In addition to Mike and I, the others at the table included:
  • CJ, a father of 2 with one on the way from northwest Indiana. This was his 3rd audition, including one in Chicago last weekend. Ironically, he doesn't watch the show.
  • Krystal, a 23-year-old from Michigan who auditioned in Chicago last year. She was accompanied by her mom who was there for moral support. 
  • Melissa and Jennifer, two friends from Cincinnati who were also BL audition newbies.
  • Jamie, a father of an adorable 22-month-old son, who lives in southwest Indiana.
  • Danielle, a beautiful African-American woman who was rocking some largely dangling earrings that I would not have even attempted.
We were encouraged to get to know each other. The BL staffers said that in several instances, contestant-wanna-bes who met at the auditions formed friendships (some even found love) that extended beyond the audition. In fact, this season's Courtney (who is from Valparaiso, Indiana) auditioned several times and formed an e-support group with some of the people from one of the audition sites. It was that group which helped encourage her to lose 100 pounds before she even was selected for the show.

Our table was friendly and chatty, but we didn't exchange e-mails or other information. I passed the time by updating my personal and 4th Frog Facebook pages with news about and photos from the auditions. My first post read:

Oh my gosh! It is a fraternity of fat here at the Biggest Loser auditions. And let's just say, I feel skinny right about now.

Thank you so much to those of you who posted messages of encouragement. I really appreciated them.

Annie, who was at home with the boys, requested photos. I felt a little weird about taking pictures of people I didn't know, so I captured this one for her because the gals in the picture didn't know that I was snapping a pic of them:
Photobucket

Shortly after we were seated at the table, we were given brief, 1-page applications to fill out. (Hint if you plan to attend a casting call: you don't need to fill out the 15-page app that's available online. That's only for mail-ins or call-backs.) I was number 504 and Mike was number 505.

Photobucket

PhotobucketThen it was more waiting. At our table, we talked about why we wanted to be on the show, what trainers we would choose to work out with if we had a choice (Bob & Jillian for me), and what foods would be hard for us to pass up during a temptation challenge. The responses to that included sweets, hot wings, bread, teriyaki wings with blue cheese, spaghetti, rib eye, pizza (Mike's) and ice cream (that was mine). By the end of that conversation, I was starving! Good thing I'd packed my pear.

Somewhere around 11:30 or noon, a member of the Biggest Loser staff came by our table to tell us that they were up to number 400. Always wanting to know people's stories, I asked if he was a part of the regular staff or if he was just working the Indy audition. He was a local guy helping out just for this audition. I don't remember how I did it, but I asked him if I could put on his Biggest Loser staff badge for a quick picture. He agreed, half-heartedly. Of course, I took the opportunity and looped the lanyard around my neck while Mike snapped the picture. The staffer was a little uncomfortable -- he probably thought I was going to get him fired -- and he drew the line at letting me pass the badge around the table so everyone could rub it for good luck.

Photobucket
There's no way I could have been mistaken for a real BL staffer -- they were all tiny, wispy people. But it was fun to pretend for a bit.

A little while later, the same guy came back to let us know they were up to number 475 and to brief us on how the interview would happen. (Although CJ and Krystal had already filled us in on how the interviews were conducted in other cities.)

We would be seated as a group of 12 in a U-shape in front of 1 casting director who would ask us to introduce ourselves. Then there might be one other question. The whole interview would last 7 minutes.

"Great," I thought. "I have less than 60 seconds to convince them that I'm fat AND sparkling."

After that I started to get pretty nervous. I think Mike, CJ and Jamie did too, because they got really chatty. I just wanted everyone to be quiet so I could run through in my head what I wanted to say. I was only mildly successful.

Photobucket Soon enough, we were taken from our table to a hallway just outside the interview room, where we waited for about 15 or 20 minutes. During that wait, Mike recognized someone we'd gone to college with. What a small (or in this case, large) world! Steve had a VIP pass for the auditions because he'd auditioned in years past in Louisville, Columbus and Chicago. Apparently, they call some of the previous applicants who weren't selected and encourage them to attend another casting call.

Anyway, catching up with Steve helped to pass the time and around 1:15pm, we were in the interview room.

Photobucket

Just as we'd been told, we were asked to introduce ourselves -- Mike cracked a few jokes during his introduction and I tossed out that being married with three kids is a whole lot like having four kids. Then we each had about 15 seconds to answer the question, "What is something about you that I wouldn't know by looking at you." For about 75 seconds, I sweated it out trying to figure out what the heck to say. When the interviewer got to me, I said "I'm a survivor of post-partum dpression."

Seriously? That's what I had? I knew it was dumb as soon as it was out of my mouth. On the way home, I thought of at least 3 better responses. But it was too little, too late.

On the way home, Mike and I talked about the auditions. We both agreed we were glad we'd done it, though he said he really went for me and I said I really went for him.

We would have received a phone call by 8pm letting us know we'd been selected for call-backs. The phones remained silent. We'll probably submit a home video as further application, but I don't really see myself driving all over God's green earth to audition in other cities.

I really hope Steve or CJ or Danielle make the call-backs. It would be so cool to see someone we auditioned with actually make the show.

As for Mike and I, we talked about the fact that if spending 5 hours to audition for the Biggest Loser was important enough to us, then we need to get serious about putting just as much importance on making some changes in our health. With or without the Biggest Loser.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Fragments of wisdom

Mommy's Idea

You know what the great thing about the internet is? I mean besides Facebook Scrabble and the ability to buy endless quantities of stuff you don't need without leaving the couch. It's that there is a plethora of wit and wisdom floating out there just waiting to copied, pasted, forwarded to friends, printed out and hung on the refrigerator.

Here are some of the tidbits that I've been happy to come across lately:
"What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?"  -- That one is from my friend Ann, who tells her kids to "be a blessing." 

"When your passion and purpose is greater than your fears and excuses, you will find a way." -- I'm not sure who originally said this, but one of my Facebook friends posted it today. Maybe she was the one who said it first? I'm not sure, but on a day when I had plenty of reasons why I couldn't go to the gym, it was one I needed to hear.

"Taking out the garbage is not a chore. It's being an adult." -- or a member of the family. By author Jon Acuff  

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -- Harry Thurman. I'm not sure how I came across this one, but it made me think of Annie right away. In fact, I think she's using it at her 8th grade quote in the yearbook.

"I am about to take a restraining order out on winter. I think it is stalking me." -- @crisgoode on Twitter. This one isn't so much wise as it is funny. And laughter is good for the soul...so maybe there is some wisdom there.

What pieces of wisdom have you found online lately? Here's some wise advice -- head over to Mrs. 4444's place for more Friday Fragments!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

So happy to be Loopy

Do you have friends you've never met? People whom you've become acquainted with via an internet community or blog or Facebook? Do you refer to them as "my friends Sue and Jane," even though you've never once breathed the same air as Sue and Jane?

I sure do. My oldest group of friends I've never met is a group of women who all "hung out" together on the January/February/March 1997 expecting message board on Parent Soup on America Online. How ancient does that make us seem? There's a cattle rancher, a firefighter's wife, a hairstylist, a nurse practitioner, a teacher. There are quiet women and women who could take on a truck driver and win (Cindy-girl, I'm talking about you!).

I've known these women for nearly 15 years, yet I've only me two of them in person. But I can tell you how many children they have (ranges from 1 to 9), what celebrity crushes they have, what their husbands' names are. We've gone through pregnancies, miscarriages, teething, potty training, illness, death, graduations and other life events together. I'm sure menopause is around the corner.

When our babies turned 1 year old, Parent Soup tried to make us migrate to the "Wonderful Ones" board, but we wouldn't hear of it. (Oh to have those kind of troubles today.) So we started an e-mail loop. We just e-mailed back and forth and copied all 15 or 16 of us on every e-mail. For a while, we met in an online chat room on Tuesday nights. Then life got busy and the e-mails came less frequently. But we still stuck together.

We're about 7 or 8 strong still and, thanks to Facebook, have experienced a resurgence in our connection.Our "babies" are turning 14 and our conversation is less about the kids as it is about us. I hope someday to meet up in person with all of the Loopy Moms.

But if I don't? I'll still talk about my friends from California, New Hampshire, Florida, New Jersey, Texas, Illinois, Colorado and Hawaii.

Love you, Loopy Moms! You are all close to my heart.


For more Pour Your Heart Out posts, click the image above.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Fat, selfish, co-dependent psychobabble?

 
As we were watching The Biggest Loser tonight, I was formulating in my head my blog post about this week's episode. But I couldn't think very clearly because Mike was vociferously airing his opinion about what happened during the weigh-in. Three members of the black team purposefully gained weight to ensure that their children would not fall below the line and be sent home. Seeing that he was so animated about their decision, I invited him to guest post tonight. 
 
Before you read Mike's take on the show, know that the opinion expressed below is not the opinion of this blogger, but I respect his right to think differently. And because he felt so strongly, I left his "colorful" language intact.

So without further ado, the peanut butter to my chocolate, the chips to my salsa, the milk to my Girl Scout cookies, my huzzzband Mike:
 
I watch the Biggest Loser with Amy almost every week. I don't blog about it, but Amy will tell you I have my opinions and willfully share them like an unwanted heckler at a comedy show.

But tonight's episode of BL made me think NBC changed the name to "The Biggest Gainer! Plus eight pounds to "stop the cycle of emotional eating" for your daughter? COME ON!  You are actually hurting two people -- yourself and your daughter. BL viewers and 4th Frog readers who aren't fat: if you want to to see the inner-workings of a fat, codependent family - it was on display tonight.

There were millions watching who DO NOT want to piss their opportunity away by guzzling water before weigh in. It's just selfish psychobabble and co-dependent scheming like this that got them fat in the first place.

What kind of example is that to set for your daughter? And how twisted is it to only hurt yourself in the process?

I actually plan on applying for the Biggest Loser and, if I am accepted, I am gonna kick butt if the new strategy is "To Gain and Protect." Play your games, mom - while I leave a trail of scorched fat behind me. If I am given the opportunity to win $250,000 AND change my eating habits;  I'm not gonna take a trial run and hope I get on again next season. I am going to bust MY ass and enjoy waving goodbye as my loose skin flops under my forearms.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Whateveryacallit

Pop. Soda. Soft drinks. Whatever you call those fizzy pours of sweetness, do you let your kids drink it? Read my latest post at the Fit City Moms blog and record your opinion there.

Sock issues

About a month ago, I was at my gym doing a video shoot for IN Shape Indiana. I told Jason, whom I've come to regard as my own personal camera guy, to be sure to get a shot of my feet because I was actually wearing matching socks. The marketing gal from the gym looked at me like I was crazy. Clearly, she does not have sock issues.

I, on the other hand, have sock issues. In theory, I love socks, especially the fun ones. In practice, socks do not love me. Socks in our house get thrown into a basket...which is currently about two baskets...and only get matched about once a year when I'm in the mood for a Netflix movie marathon.

In the mornings when the kids say, "Mom, I need socks," I cringe. I hate hearing that because the likelihood that they will find socks that a.) match, b.) fit and c.) don't have holes in them is about as high as the likelihood that I will be crowned Miss America tomorrow. To their credit, the kids have learned to roll with the sock punches. They grab two socks that are "close enough," though I do draw the line at Robbie wearing Mike's socks. Annie even makes it part of her personal style, often choosing two mismatched, but complementary socks.

I have thrown out all the socks in the house and started over with brand news socks, only to end up with mismatched basketsful again.

Mike is not immune to the complications of hosiery. He is notorious for snagging a pair or two of his dad's socks every time we go visit his parents (though I think now he does it just to egg his dad on a bit). For his 30th birthday, I asked people to bring 30 of something. His dad brought him 30 black socks.

Given all that, when I opened my e-mail and saw this deal from Eversave, I had to laugh:


I am SO buying this one.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Here we go again

A few weeks ago, my college buddy Amy wrote a post on her blog titled "I Don't Care What You Call It." The subject of the post was unemployment. I remember thinking at the time, "thank God that is not us any more." Apparently, I thought too soon.

Mike was laid off on Friday. We were both caught pretty off guard by this. He said his boss was very apologetic, though Mike knew that his position was kind of an experiment -- one which maybe never had complete buy-in from the owner of the company. Initially, we both had a fairly non-chalant reaction to the news. We've been here before. We can do this.

Separately, we've both considered what the blessings might be in this turn of events. Mike will be free to spend more time with his mother, whose condition continues to deteriorate. Maybe this was the window opening to make it possible for him to go to the Biggest Loser ranch (auditions are next Saturday). He can focus on the house and purging all the clutter that has collected over the past 13 years since we moved in. There will be no question of who is available to pick the kids up from school.

Over the course of the weekend, Mike has cycled through a range of emotions -- disbelief, hope, anger, frustration, sadness -- while I remained pretty stoic.

Until church this morning. I think church is the place where I can let my guard down. Where I bring myself before God and let all my anxiety and fear and confusion tumble forward.

This morning, my conversation with God went something like this:

"What is it? What haven't we learned yet? The past 4 or 5 years have seemed like we are swinging from one crisis to the next. Unemployment. Separation. Illness. Financial strain brought on by all the above. What now, God? In the last two or three months, I've finally felt like we were becoming whole again. Paying off debt, learning to trust and love again, enjoying each other's company. What the hell are we missing that our path keeps plunging us into chaos and disarray? What do You want?!"

Truthfully, I'm not blaming God. I don't think He has cursed us. But I do wonder what lesson we are supposed to embrace. I wish I could find it in that daily "God wants you to know" app on Facebook. Sitting in church, I heard Father talk about St. Francis and how after his conversion to the Lord, he was elated and joyful to be suffering in the service of God. And I began to think that perhaps my answer is somewhere in there.

Maybe our focus has been too internal. Perhaps we've been too focused on our own crosses and not doing enough to help others carry theirs. Is the clutter and chaos inside our home a symptom of too much time spent within -- on clinging to things inside? Will freeing our home of the trappings of wants and freeing our minds of the trappings of "us and ours" bring to life a new reality for us?

Perhaps a shift in focus like that won't bring Mike a job any sooner. But it just might make the waiting a little more bearable.