Fill in the blank

I've written before that I really enjoy the "God wants you to know" app on Facebook. My message for yesterday was this:

On this day, God wants you to know

... that God is crazy about you. God sends you fresh flowers every spring, a breathtaking sunrise every morning. If God had a wallet, your picture would be in it. If God has a refrigerator, your childhood scribbles would be on it.

 

That got me thinking...

If God had the last cookie, He would give it to me.

If God was Diet Coke, He would want me to drink Him up.

If God had the remote control, He would let me choose the show to watch.

If God was a color, He would be the sunniest, warmest yellow.

Now it's your turn. You fill in the blank:

If God __________________________________________.

Here we go again

A few weeks ago, my college buddy Amy wrote a post on her blog titled "I Don't Care What You Call It." The subject of the post was unemployment. I remember thinking at the time, "thank God that is not us any more." Apparently, I thought too soon.

Mike was laid off on Friday. We were both caught pretty off guard by this. He said his boss was very apologetic, though Mike knew that his position was kind of an experiment -- one which maybe never had complete buy-in from the owner of the company. Initially, we both had a fairly non-chalant reaction to the news. We've been here before. We can do this.

Separately, we've both considered what the blessings might be in this turn of events. Mike will be free to spend more time with his mother, whose condition continues to deteriorate. Maybe this was the window opening to make it possible for him to go to the Biggest Loser ranch (auditions are next Saturday). He can focus on the house and purging all the clutter that has collected over the past 13 years since we moved in. There will be no question of who is available to pick the kids up from school.

Over the course of the weekend, Mike has cycled through a range of emotions -- disbelief, hope, anger, frustration, sadness -- while I remained pretty stoic.

Until church this morning. I think church is the place where I can let my guard down. Where I bring myself before God and let all my anxiety and fear and confusion tumble forward.

This morning, my conversation with God went something like this:

"What is it? What haven't we learned yet? The past 4 or 5 years have seemed like we are swinging from one crisis to the next. Unemployment. Separation. Illness. Financial strain brought on by all the above. What now, God? In the last two or three months, I've finally felt like we were becoming whole again. Paying off debt, learning to trust and love again, enjoying each other's company. What the hell are we missing that our path keeps plunging us into chaos and disarray? What do You want?!"

Truthfully, I'm not blaming God. I don't think He has cursed us. But I do wonder what lesson we are supposed to embrace. I wish I could find it in that daily "God wants you to know" app on Facebook. Sitting in church, I heard Father talk about St. Francis and how after his conversion to the Lord, he was elated and joyful to be suffering in the service of God. And I began to think that perhaps my answer is somewhere in there.

Maybe our focus has been too internal. Perhaps we've been too focused on our own crosses and not doing enough to help others carry theirs. Is the clutter and chaos inside our home a symptom of too much time spent within -- on clinging to things inside? Will freeing our home of the trappings of wants and freeing our minds of the trappings of "us and ours" bring to life a new reality for us?

Perhaps a shift in focus like that won't bring Mike a job any sooner. But it just might make the waiting a little more bearable. 

Facebook, I thought we were friends

I love Facebook -- probably a little too much. But it's been such a great way for me to keep connected to my brothers and sisters, my bazillion cousins, friends I used to hang out at Mom's group with (before we got too busy being moms that we don't have time to see each other), old high school friends and 500+ other people that I've felt a need to be connected to. What can I say? I'm a social creature.

And probably like most Facebook users, I click those links to find out which Harry Potter character I am, what color my personality is, and tonight, who has deleted me as a friend. Turns out that last one was spam. I figured that out once it took me to some page that wanted me to complete a survey before it would show me my results. I didn't take the survey and clicked out of the app. But by then, I'd already given it permission to access my information, make posts to my wall and who knows what else.

Fast forward to a few hours later, after I woke up from my evening nap, and I realized that the stupid app had posted the spammy link on my personal page, on the 4th Frog page and on the page I manage for work. I clicked delete on those posts, but knew I needed to go in and remove the entire application.

This is where I started feeling icky about Facebook. Let me be clear, it's not Facebook's fault. I (half) read  those agreements about allowing access to my profile, my high school SAT scores, and my last performance review when I clicked on "how much do you know about Spongebob Squarepants" and "which Glee character would you mash up best with" and others. What I didn't realize -- or at least pay attention to -- is that fact that long after I clicked "allow" on those applications, they would live on in my Facebook account and had my permission to access my information.

When I went in to my account privacy settings to delete the "who deleted you" app, I saw the list of all those stupid quizzes I've taken. There were actually fewer than I would have expected. What was really unsettling, though, were the apps that had accessed my information and data long after I figured out that my personality is green and I'm Ron Weasley. I could also see that some of the apps, like my favorites Scrabble and "God Wants You to Know," had never accessed my data.

So I removed about 30 apps I'd previously granted access to, ignored requests for 40 more, and changed my Facebook password for good measure. I'm still a fan of Facebook. But I'm also a more cautious and more aware one as well.

A beautiful thing

There's an application on Facebook called "God wants you to know..." Each day there is a new message and often, the message is eerily applicable to my life.

A few weeks ago, this was the message I received:

On this day, God wants you to know 

... that God loves in you even that which you dislike. God doesn't partition you into pieces and loves some and not loves others. That's what people do. That's what you do. God, who created you, accepts and loves every little part of you, even those you deny and hate in yourself. So next time you try to dislike a part of you, just pause, look and remember that God loves it.

I was reminded of that message as I was looking in the mirror at the zits on my nose that seem to have mistaken me for a 13-year-old and the gray hairs on my head that have pegged me as being in my 60s.  It's a good reminder when I am being hard on myself for being disorganized or indecisive or having eaten 1/2 a package of refrigerated cookie dough. God loves in me even that which I dislike!

That's not to say that God doesn't see any room for improvement, that he wouldn't be honored by more effort on my part in some areas of my life. But believing that God loves me right where I am, right now -- that, my friends, is a beautiful thing. 


What about you do you need to look at through God's eyes?