10 Tips for Terrible Parenting

At about 4am this morning I couldn't sleep (do you sense a pattern here?) and found myself whiling away the hours until daylight perusing the internet. Over at IndyMoms.com, I found a link to an article on Ten Terrible Parenting Tips.

I read it and decided to make my own list of tips, which may either inspire you if you revel in mediocrity or may help you realize you're not such a bad parent after all.

Amy's 10 Tips for Terrible Parenting*

1. Keep the tube of Icy Hot next to the tube of Desitin and accidentally apply the wrong one to a little one's rashy bum.
   
   
2. Repeatedly dip the baby's pacifier in sugar to encourage him to be quiet.
   
   
3. Dress your toddler daughter like a mini-harlot and then scratch your head and wonder why she's pregnant at age 13.
   
   
4. Laugh when the teacher tells you "we really must discuss Junior's continuing desire to pee on the playground."
   
   
5. Address a child's fear of the water by throwing her in the deep end of the swimming pool and telling her "c'mon, you can swim."
   
   
6. Wait a bit too long to jump in and rescue above child.
   
   
7. When your child falls on the soccer field, holler at him to get up and get back in the game because the team has no subs.
   
   
8. Deny ever saying the above when you're sitting at the urgent care waiting to have the injured limb x-rayed.
   
   
9. Drop your child off at school and drive away before realizing that school is closed for Thanksgiving break.
   
   
10. Tell same child to hitch a ride home or wait until 5pm to be picked up.
    

*Disclaimer: Some of these acts have actually occurred, though the perpetrators shall remain nameless to protect the guilty. Others have been observed, while still others have been merely imagined. I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which.

Feel free to click "comments" and leave your own tips for terrible parenting.