C'mon down! You're the next contestant on The Biggest Loser!

May I have your attention please? The fall line-up of television shows is making its debut this week. Have your DVRs, Tivos and old-fashioned VCRs ready. It's "Must See TV" time!

I really don't have that many shows I watch routinely, but you can bet your couch potato patootie that one of them is "The Biggest Loser." This season the variation is "The Biggest Loser: Families." Four husband and wife teams are training with "I feel your emotional turmoil" Bob, while four parent-child duos are toiling under the dictatorship of "I will kick your butt and laugh while doing it" Jillian.

I definitely think this might be the first BL season where someone dies. Either one of the contestants will drop dead during a challenge or Jillian's team will form a mutiny and pummel her to death with medicine balls.

I'm going on record now to say that I think this year's Biggest Losers will be The Toms -- father and son Tom Sr. and Tom Jr.

And I'll be watching it all unfold because I LOVE this show -- singles, couples, families, whatever. I love it because I love to watch fat people get skinny (and healthy). I mean, if it's not happening directly to me, the next best thing is sitting on the couch eating ice cream and watching it happen to other people, right?

And who knows, maybe someday it will happen to me. Maybe someday, I'll be a contestant on The Biggest Loser, plugging sugar-free Jello and Orville Redenbacher 100-calorie packs in a not so subtle product placement.

I've already thought of what I'd put on my application form.

Why I should be on The Biggest Loser:
1. Because ringing in the New Year in maternity pants when you're not pregnant is pathetic.
2. Because the people at the McDonald's drive thru recognize my voice.
3. Because the most exercise I get on any given day is walking from my office to the printer down the hall.

I even have reasons why Mike and I could be contestants on The Biggest Loser Couples:
1. Because our pet name for ourselves is the "Pillsbury Dough Couple."
2. Because restaurant servers break out in fist fights over who gets to serve us. Fat couple = fat bill = fat tip.
3. Because when we cuddle at night, we're so big we don't "spoon," we "ladle."

So, someday it may be me baring my midriff and my weight for all of America to see. (I hope I'm on Bob's team.) Until then, pass the remote control and the mint chocolate chip.