Alive

Thank you all so much for your kind words after my mini-meltdown on Wednesday. By the time Thursday morning rolled around, I had rallied enough to get out of bed and at least go through the motions of getting on with life.

After I dropped the kids off at school, I headed to the gym. I figured after nearly 24 hours in bed, my body needed to MOVE. Still, it took a good five minutes of positive self-talk to get me out of the car. Once I opened the car door and stepped outside, I knew there was no way I could go inside that gym. The morning was cool and slightly damp, smelling like springtime -- new grass and fresh rain and bits of flowery buds.

So I decided to walk/run on the grounds outside. The gym where I work out is at a community center set in a wooded residential area. Before Thursday, I'd never walked anywhere on the grounds besides from the parking lot to the building.

I put the ear buds in my ears, fired up the Pandora Radio and took off. It felt so good to breathe in the cool air as I made my way around the curving drive. I picked out a target ahead and commanded my feet to run until I reached it. I took in the bright spring green of the new leaves, the rich browns of the wet earth on the floor of the woods. I nodded and smiled at the few people arriving to work or to work out. I felt alive!

By the time I made it back to my original starting point, I felt like I needed to stop and give my legs a good stretch. I spied some benches ahead, to the left of the path I'd gone on before, and headed over there. It turned out to be a holocaust memorial garden. It was tranquil and reverent and beautiful.

When I looked up from my stretch, I noticed the words on the memorial -- not the ones in Hebrew, I can't read that -- that said "Surviving Spirit." After my day on Wednesday (not that it in any way compares with the holocaust), it seemed like an affirmation, a reminder, a message of hope meant just for me.

That sense of "surviving spirit" stayed with me as I took off on another lap around the campus. This time I ran longer and farther. I sang out loud to the words of the songs flowing to my ears. I was completely aware of how thankful I was to be there in that moment. And when I finished that lap, I returned to the garden. I sat on a bench, listened to a morning reflection on my iPhone, and, once again, felt alive.