From grump to grateful

When I woke up this morning, it was 10 degrees outside. Windchill brought the "feels like" temp down to -8. I was crabby at the thought of getting out of my warm bed and put it off as long as possible. 

After hitting the snooze twice, I reluctantly got out of bed -- only after I checked my email and the local news websites to see if, by some grace, school was canceled or delayed on account of the cold. I sleepily walked to the bathroom and started the shower, giving the water a few minutes to warm up. I grumbled to the boys to get up and get moving. I told them they HAD to wear long pants and sweatshirts today. 

I got in the shower and dared the water to wake me up. It wasn't just my body that was awakened as the hot water streamed over me. My attitude got a wake up call as well.

I realized that I have a warm bed to crawl out of (and yes, to stay snuggled into). I have a warm house to wander in, waking sleeping people each morning. I have three wonderful children to argue with me about weather-appropriate clothing. I have a hot shower to step into. I have a job to go to that not only calls me out of bed but that pays for my heat and water and other things.  

And I have a God to thank for my many blessings, including the blessing of a new perspective to start my day.

Amen!

A good morning

Today I had a good morning. I left the house about 6:30am to take Gabby for a walk. Though I would have liked for the humidity to have been lower, I was grateful for the quiet time to start the day.

Morning walks give me a chance to think and to pray about the day ahead, the people I love and the challenges that may be in front of me. Sometimes I even sing out loud while I'm walking -- though I try to make sure no one else is around. At 6:30 on a Saturday morning, you can be pretty assured of solitude. And if the dog minds my singing, she's never let me know.

On this morning's walk, I had plenty on my mind. Most of it involved turning the numbers of our budget over and over in my head, thinking about where we could make sacrifices and where it is money well spent. I could feel my anxiety level rising, so I just prayed "God, help me to trust that it will all be ok. Give me the strength to make the hard decisions where they need to be made."

As Gabby and I continued on our walk, I decided to take a different route than normal, in part to just change up the routine and in part because I wanted to go by the strip mall that burned to the ground earlier this summer and see the progress of the demolition that is underway. Nearing the grocery store, I decided to walk behind it so as to avoid Gabby sneaking up on anyone with a bag full of groceries, as unlikely as that would be so early in the morning.

Thinking again about credits and debits in our bank account, I walked down the alley behind the store and happened upon the dumpsters sitting out back. Several noises drew my attention (and Gabby's) and I encountered a man standing in the dumpster, looking for something. He didn't appear to notice me and I, a little embarrassed to have seen him there, walked on without saying anything. But inside, I was saying plenty.

"Ok God," I said to myself. "Things could be much worse. I know."

Who knows what that guy was dumpster diving for. Maybe it was food. Maybe he accidentally threw away his watch in the store's trash? It doesn't really matter. What matters is that seeing him there, standing in the dumpster and going through bags of who knows what, gave me some perspective.

I was still thinking about that man and the message that finding him there held for me when Gabby and I reached the fencing that barricades off what is left of the strip mall. I was curious to see how far the demolition crews have gotten, how much of the strip is recognizable. But as we approached, my first view was this:

I was struck by the color of the unattended flowers against the backdrop of soot and dirt and concrete rubble. And I was reminded of God's grace, which does not assure us that our lives will be without despair and difficulty, but which does provide the promise of His presence and comfort even as we are standing in the mess.

It was a very good morning.

Not a human doing

In last week's Friday Fragments, I commented that the Facebook "God Wants You to Know" application is frequently and uncannily on target.

Today I left home at 6:45am and didn't return (except for one 20 minute period) until after 8pm tonight. And what was my message from God on Facebook today?

On this day, God wants you to know...

... that you are a human being, not a human doing. Take time to just be, to breath slowly, to feel your body that is the temple of your soul. No activities, no worries, no buzzing.

Buzzing certainly feels like my day today. In the 13 hours I was gone from home, I made 21 stops (that's not an exaggeration -- I just counted!) The message reminds me of a song I heard on a retreat once. The refrain goes like this:

Just to be is a blessing.
Just to live is holy.
Just be be, just to live
is a blessing, is holy.

It's probably been 14 years since I was on that retreat, but I've remembered that song. It helps that I had the lyrics taped to the fridge for about 8 years. Certainly, there is nothing wrong with activity, but sometimes I feel guilty if I just sit. I think that's a common thread among mothers. The reality is that my to do list (and yours) will never be completely checked off.

So, we have to start putting ourselves on our own to do lists. (I talked about this with regard to health in my latest Fit City blog entry.) We have to get in touch with our human being-ness and learn to quiet the noisy nagging of the human doing within us.

Tomorrow, however, will not be one of those quiet days. After I drop the kids off at school at 7:15am, I'm headed to have my makeup done and begin the festivities that are in store for the Go Red for Women luncheon.

But Saturday? Saturday, I fully intend to bless myself with just being. Holy rest and relaxation, Batman! That sounds fabulous.