Who me? Snore?

Allegedly, I snore.

Oh, all right. I admit it. I DO snore sometimes. I know this because I have, on occasion, woken myself up with my own snore.

My snoring seems to be tied to my weight. Once I hit a certain weight (and no, I won't tell you what it is), the snoring gets worse. It's not just snoring, but officially sleep apnea. I have a CPAP machine that I am supposed to use to help maintain my airway while I sleep.

It's been quite a long time since I've used my CPAP machine. When I lost 30 pounds, the snoring issue was gone, as was the waking with a headache and the crushing fatigue. However, in recent months, it's become apparent that I need the CPAP machine again -- or so Mike says.

Last night he took the boys sledding -- on one condition. That I would use my CPAP machine. My snoring has been keeping him awake at night, though I'm not sure why. I sleep through it just fine. I agreed to use the machine.

So when I went to bed at 1am last night, I took the time to wash out the tubing, the fighter pilot-looking mask, and the water reservoir. It took me about 10 or 15 minutes to fall asleep, getting used to continuous flow of air and the soft hum of the machine.

When I woke up this morning, I rolled over to find Mike already out of bed. He was asleep in Robbie's bed.

"What are you doing in here?," I asked.

"Your CPAP machine was making noise and I couldn't sleep," he yawned.

Some days, you just can't win.

I knew it!

For years, I have endured unsolicited commentary, criticism and even open hostility from the people who are supposed to love me most -- my husband, my mother, my sisters. And I sheepishly took that which they leveled at me, having no ground on which to fight their allegations.

But tonight I have proof! Proof that I am not nocturnally auditorily offensive. Proof that they are delusional. Tonight I have proof that I do NOT snore. Judge for yourself:


Amyasleep from Mike Magan on Vimeo.

The irony is that Mike shot this video (obviously in very low light) to prove that I do snore. But I didn't! I don't! I won't be made to feel guilty about supposedly keeping someone awake with my "chainsaw-like breathing" again!

Thanks, honey, for the vindication!

Banished!

Every night at bedtime, after stories have been read and prayers have been said, my boys ask the same question:

"Will you lay down with me?"

Almost always I lay down with Robbie because he won't fall asleep unless I am there. Bad habit, I know. But I must confess that I love snuggling up next to him -- me on the pillow and him with his head directly on the mattress because using a pillow "makes me have bad dreams, Mom."

Generally, he's asleep within a few minutes, and often I am too. It's that little power nap that fuels my night owl tendencies.

On the nights that I don't actually fall asleep with Robbie, I go downstairs to shoo Charlie up to bed next. Often when Charlie asks me if I will lay down with him, I decline citing work to catch up on or dishes and laundry to do -- or though I would never say it out loud, the Biggest Loser to watch. Besides, I tell myself, he's 9 years old and he doesn't need his Mommy in order to go to sleep.

However, lately, I've been more and more aware of how short this time is, when they are young and want their Mommy. So tonight when Charlie asked if I would lay down with him, I said yes.

I'm not sure how much time passed before I fell asleep. But, apparently, Charlie did not fall asleep at all. After some time -- about 20 minutes is my best guess, I felt him nudge me.

"Mom," Charlie said in a loud whisper. "Mom, you don't have to lay down with me anymore."

"It's all right, honey. I'll stay."

"No, Mom. It's ok," he said, trying to let me down gently. "Besides, your snoring is so loud I can't sleep."

I think his Dad paid him to say that.