Wake up, parents

Yesterday, I was scrolling through Facebook when I saw that my daughter and a friend of hers had posted about a false Instagram account someone had started to say cruel and untrue things about certain kids who go to their school.

It took me a minute to find the Instagram app on my cell phone. I have an Instagram account, but I don't really use it. The app is mainly on my phone because Charlie has an account that he posts to using my phone sometimes.

Once I found the app, it took me another minute or two to find the offensive account. I was really sickened when I did. How could someone think it's funny or even remotely okay to say terrible, malicious things about someone else? Worse, the account was falsely ID'd as being owned by another student.

I blocked the user. But that was all I knew to do. I figured there was probably a way to forward the offensive material to Instagram for further action, but I didn't know how. Why? Because I've always fallen on the excuse, "I don't do Instagram."

What a crock of crap. Please, listen up, parents. If your kids are on social media, you better be on social media too. If they are on Facebook, get an account. Have their passwords. Log in under their accounts from time to time. Randomly post comments on their stuff, just so they know you are aware.

If they are on Instagram, be there. Yes, I had an account, but not a presence. You can bet I will now. The same for Twitter. And sorry, Annie, but I'll be signing up for Tumblr, too.

It's a lot to manage, so tag team it. Let your friends know where your kids hang out on social media and ask them to keep an eye out. I hope that if someone see my kids posting inappropriate or troubling statuses, one of my friends who sees it will let me know.

I'm keeping an eye on this Instagram bullying mess going on and I keep thinking to myself, "His (or her) parents would probably be devastated if they knew this was happening." And then I wonder to myself if they have any clue? I want to tell every parent to sit down with their kids' phones, laptops and tablets and walk through the activity of the past day or two.

Maybe the person who is responsible for all of this would be found? Maybe a parent would find that his or her child has been a target of the bullying. I would want to know that as much as I'd want to know what kind of stuff my child has been posting. What if someone posted some awful untruths about my beautiful child and I didn't know. Would she come to me? Or would she suffer in silence?

Should our kids expect some measure of privacy in their social media interactions? I suppose. But sometimes, a parent has to sacrifice some privacy in the best interests of the child.

This whole series of events has made me angry. And ill. At the same time, the fact that so many students have rallied behind the people who have been singled out makes me proud. And hopeful.

But above all, this situation has made me aware. Awake. If you are a parent, I hope you wake up too.

The down side of Facebook (or where did my social life go?)

I think Facebook is one of the best inventions of my lifetime. (For the reasons why I think this, read this previous post.) But one down side of Facebook is I get to see how much more fun other people's lives are than mine.

Did you know there are people out there who go on actual vacations? Trips to interesting places that don't involve familial obligations. Heck, there are couples I know who actually get together with other couples. For fun. On a regular basis. I'm talking people my own age and even older. It's not only the young'uns out there having fun.

Back in the day, Mike and I used to have a social life -- a pretty active one. Summer evenings were spent with several neighbors in the backyard, watching the kids run around having fun while us parents enjoyed liquid fun and good conversation.

We also used to spend quite a bit of time with other couples from church. Pretty much the same M.O. Kids running, playing and after dark, watching movies on the VCR (you can tell how long ago it was). Parents sitting out on the deck, citronella candles flickering, talking and laughing until late into the evening.

I miss those social days.

Now, Friday and Saturday nights generally consist of me with my laptop, Mike at the desktop computer, half watching whatever superhero or anime movie the boys picked from the Netflix queue. Of course, Annie being the happening teenager generally is with friends. Once we get the boys to bed, we might put a grown up movie on. Fast-forward 27 minutes and I'm snoring on the couch and Mike has flipped to some dreadfully boring (to me) show on the Military Channel.

What has happened to us?  Why is it that people we know are out there having fun and being social and we're home acting like a bunch of old people?

Some of it is a function of age. Not our age so much as the kids ages. Instead of running around the backyard with friends, our kids have social or sports obligations of their own. And they're not old enough to drive, so we're the ones running the shuttle back and forth.

Some of it is a function of geography. Many of the people who we used to spend weekend evenings with have moved to other cities. Then there's the whole "we don't drink like we used to" thing. That kind of puts a damper on the party life.

I realize the remedy to this situation lies within. The old "if you want to make a friend, be a friend."  This weekend, we're hosting a block/lawn party in the backyard. Maybe Sunday morning, I'll have something interesting to share on Facebook too.

For more PYHO posts, visit Shell at Things I Can't Say.

Hey Stacy & Clinton!

We had a little "what not to wear" debate here this morning. I put on a pair of jeans that are too long by about 4-6 inches. Ordinarily, when I buy pants, I try to get them in petite (for the length, not the waist, obviously) or I buy capri pants and wear them like regular pants for me.

But I think I snagged this pair of pants from my friend Lisa at a garage sale, so I couldn't be to picky about the length. I'm sure I told myself I'd get them hemmed. And of course, I haven't. So I tried rolling the cuffs, but there was so much to roll, I looked like I was wearing denim donuts around my ankles.

I considered pegging the legs (remember that from high school?), but recalled Mike's threat of abandonment if I ever did that in public (again).

So Mike suggested going with one large, straight cuff on each leg.

"It's the style nowdays," he promised. He would know. He pays way more attention to fashion than I do. Not entirely convinced, I asked Annie her opinion.


She took one look at my ankles and was instantly mortified that I would even consider leaving the house like this:

Which pretty much sealed the deal. I was definitely going to Charlie's soccer game with uber-cuffs on my jeans. What can I say? I like to see Annie squirm. And, now that I'm 39, what do I care what other people think of how I dress?

Except I do, or I wouldn't be writing about this here. So you guys be my Stacy and Clinton. (And if the real Stacy and Clinton from TLC's "What Not Wear" what to weigh in here, even better!)

What's your vote:

Totally hip and down with the fashion, you diva dresser you!

Or

Annie is right and by leaving the house in that get-up you totally ruined her social status for at least this school year, probably next.