Fat Tuesday, indeed

I have a little confession to make. Well, a fat confession, really.

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you've probably noticed or at least guessed. I am fat. Again. 

Not that I was ever skinny, but this time two years ago, I weighed nearly 30 pounds less than I do right now. Then I was deep in the benefit of the Go Red for Women Better You challenge. I was exercising daily, eating healthfully. Now?

Now, I look like a Higglytown Hero. 

I know how it started. Summer 2010 knocked me off my exercise routine. Fall 2010 had me facing some enormous personal stresses at home. Winter 2011 brought ice storms and hours upon days on my couch. Then in Spring 2011, my mother-in-law died and the fat snowball just gained momentum. Unlike Dave Ramsey's debt snowball, this is not a good thing. 

It's not like I didn't notice. It was slow at first. Seven pounds. Then another five. And soon I was eating quarter pounders and fancy cupcakes without much guilt at all. Well, I had enough guilt to keep me eating them in the privacy of my own car. 

If only throwing money at fat would make it melt away. I don't dare count the months I shelled out hard-earned coins to Weight Watchers and the gym without so much as crossing the threshold of either place. But it's too much pressure, having those things hanging over my head. So I canceled the gym membership and scaled Weight Watchers back to online only.

It's not that I'm happy this way; I'm not. I'm uncomfortable and unhealthy and completely disappointed in myself. I get winded easily. I'm back to using the CPAP machine. I could do a stand-up comedy routine called "You're too fat when..."

You're too fat when...you keep hanging up on your friends because your fat cheek hits the "end" button on your cell phone while you're talking.

You're too fat when...you can't put your arms fully down at your sides, making you look like a rotund penguin whose flippers stick out awkwardly.

You're too fat when...your son yells "Mom, come here! You have to see this" and when you get to the family room, he's watching an infomercial about some crazy weight loss product or program.

You're too fat when...you write down the URL of that crazy weight loss product just so you can check it out later.

You're too fat when...you dream about Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels coming to your house to kick your fat ass.

You're too fat when...

Oh heck. I'm too fat NOW.  There are fat clothes in my closet again -- though not the fat dress. It found its way to Goodwill long ago. I know I can't stay like this. I have to do something. And I will. 

I think I just did. I confessed. That's a start.

Confession

Bless me, Father, for I have strayed. It's been over two weeks since I've been to the gym.

The craziness of the last week of school, coupled with too many late nights sucked in by the allure of Facebook, and I found myself content to fall into the delusion of "I need my sleep; I'll go tomorrow."

But that's not all. I indulged in the empty, but delicious, calories of white wine last weekend, in a manner that can only be described as gluttonous. I ate hummus and tabouli on garlic bagel chips with reckless abandon. I've cozied up to bowls of Frosted Mini Wheats in bed at night.

I knew I was in trouble when I found myself in the Hardee's drive-thru ordering a sausage and egg biscuit yesterday. Oh, I knew when I was doing it that it was wrong. But it felt so right!

As all transgressions do, mine are leaving their mark on me -- in the form of oily skin, puffy fingers, and low levels of energy.

I am heartily sorry. I will choose to do good, and eat food in its natural, healthy state. I will say "get behind me, chips and salsa!" and "no" to the siren song of Free Donut Day tomorrow.

For my penance, I will sell all of my fat clothes in the garage sale on Saturday, so I will have no choice to slip back into them. And I will humbly submit myself to the rigors of Denzel.

Amen.

Dear Tucson, Arizona

Saw this in my Feedjit journal traffic feed:

Tucson, Arizona arrived from www.google.com on "The Fourth Frog Blog: September 2008" by searching for "mistakenly put icy hot instead of desitin."

22:09:08 -- 1 hour 54 mins ago

Been there. Done that. The kid will survive, but can I suggest you start a psychotherapy fund for them right now?

Truth be told

The thing about blogging is that I owe it to readers -- and to myself -- to talk about the good, the bad and the ugly. So that's what I've done on the Better U and Fit City blogs this week, owning up to my weekend:

Fit City: How well do you bounce?

BetterU: Confession

Oh, it's nothing tragic. Just a bump in the road. But it's my reality and I'm owning it.