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Thursday, September 3, 2009

The fat dress

Fat Dress

Yesterday I wore my fat dress to work. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about, right?

Almost every woman has a fat dress - an easy to wear, loose-fitting dress that doesn't hug you anwhere. We gals wear our fat dresses on days we are feeling, well, fat. Fat dresses are comfortable and let us forget about the circumference of our bodies because there are no waistbands digging in at our bellies, no fabric trying to lay flat over the contours of our behinds. Fat dresses are all about comfort.

Except, yesterday my fat dress didn't do that for me. I was walking down the hall at work when I felt a strange sensation.

"What's that?!" I thought, panicked? I took a few more steps. "Aaaack! That is my butt!"

Sadly, the denim of my fat dress was tugging on my hind end with each step I took. Waaaah! I'm too fat for my fat dress!

My thoughts immediately went to the wedding reception scene from "Steel Magnolias" where someone commented that a woman on the dance floor looked like she had two pigs wrestling under her dress (her belly and her rear).

I guess I have two choices -- and buying a new fat dress is not one of them.

First -- and easiest -- I can change the name of this blog to the GAS (Gluttony and Sloth) Chronicles. Or maybe better the SAG (Sloth and Gluttony) Chronicles, since I've got plenty of SAG going on.

Or, and probably preferable from a health standpoint, I can get off my duff and do something about it. Where is Jillian Michaels when I need her? Maybe they should take a "What Not to Wear" approach to "The Biggest Loser" and just show up to save the sorry soul (me) from themselves. Or maybe A&E's "Intervention" would do a baked goods intervention for me.

(The fact that I've named one movie and three television shows in this entry probably has a direct correlation to the problem at hand.)

Maybe I could adopt a personal trainer? I can offer room and board to someone who is willing to be my own personal chef and drill sargeant.

I am an intelligent woman. I know what I need to do. So why can't I do it? The answer to that would be worth more to me than 10 fat dresses.


Johnny, Sarah, Christopher and Emmy Buckner said...

After I had Baby I hired a personal trainer. I loathed him more than any other human around! BUT... He held me accountable.

Eternal Lizdom said...

I so hear you, Amy. I have been struggling in this area for a few months. And part of my struggle is that I want to be healthier and stronger and thinner but I also love myself exactly the way I am and I have this dumb idea stuck in my head that I need self hatred to motivate me. I'm trying to get it to click that self love should be a motivator to take good care of me but it hasn't taken hold just yet.

I did make it back to the gym one day this week.

If you want to set fitness goals together and be accountability partners, I'm totally on board. And I wouldn't even have to move in to your house!

Momza said...

You can do what I'm doing...taking a walk during lunch, cutting out pop, and just don't buy junk food. If it's not in the house, I won't eat it.

Marine Wife said...

I have a friend who started making a conscious effort to only use the stairs, including parking at the top of her parking garage, forcing her to walk 4 flights of stairs twice a day. She's dropped quite a few lbs. in the past few months.

I started the Cough to 5K program last week but haven't lost yet. I think I may be rejoining WW soon. Keeping a food journal has always helped in the past for me (for some stupid reason, I just don't do the journal if I'm not on WW).

Good luck!

Marine Wife said...

*that would be couch, not cough

Anonymous said...

When are the Biggest Loser applications due - not only would it be great for your health - but you'd make great TV!

PS - no need for a new "fat dress" - but maybe a new over-the-shoulder-boulder holder would help get the girls back in the right position.

Love ya sis!

Sharon said...

You need to be published. Seriously. Awesome posts.

Sorry the fat dress isn't as comfy for you. While I'd probably just go buy a new one, myself, I say sure, try the walking or whatever exercise you had blogged about not too long ago. ;)

Joanie said...

I have a fat dress. It's a sun dress I bought years and years ago. It's jersey and I usually wear it over a swimsuit when going to the beach or if I shower early in the evening, it's like PJs. I love my fat dress.

Jessica McCoy said...

I'm in the same situation. I would rather a t-shirt and jeans to work then try to look presentable because I feel so "fat"! Ugh if only I would get on my treadmill!

Micah and Emily said...

I love the hilarious scene that you described in Steel it!

M and I have had this discussion often about our motivation to exercise and from what I have experienced it comes down to intrinsic motivation in many cases. I am driven, if not obsessed, with exercise, not necessarily to stay thin or healthy or whatever, but because it is a passion that I just love. On the other hand M see's it as time that he could put to better use.

Point: find your passion. If you hate traditional forms of exercise, running, walking, aerobic workouts...find something that hits that motivation button like rock climbing, hiking, swimming, yoga, belly dancing, country or ballroom dancing, canoeing, instead of sitting, make yourself stand, whatever....find the passion and thus your motivation.


Joanne said...

Ahhh Amy isn't that the question we need answering - we know what to do and how to do it but why won't we?

Lisa said...

Journaling Amy. (That could be a blog title too, come to think of it.)

The main way I hold myself accountable is by writing down everything I eat. That includes the 27 butterscotch chips I ate on Tuesday night. When you know you have to write it down, the chips stop tasting so good after #15 or so. I don't show the journal to anyone, but I DO leave it out and I'm pretty sure my husband looks at it from time to time. Those are normally the nights he suggests walks in the neighborhood...

Michelle said...

(Hugs) and you can do it! TBL starts soon! One thing I like to do while watching is get on the elliptical. I've also done workouts from magazines or books during it. I hope this helps. I have by no means figured this out for myself. I keep trying though!