I haven't figured out what to call it yet, but today marks the beginning of my last year before I turn 40. I've been thinking about this for a while, about how I want to make this year "count" and how I want this to be my year of great change.
There is a lot of anticipation and hopefulness and weight that I've placed on this birthday -- and on the days that will fall between it and the big 4-0. Kind of like a New Year's Eve anticipation, where you look out on the year ahead with a hopefulness of the things the year will bring, the things that you will do differently or better or not at all.
I'm aware that I could be setting myself up for huge disappointment if the things I'm envisioning don't come to fruition. But all of what I am considering is within my own control, so if there is disappointment and regret, it will be no one's fault but my own.
Some of the things that are on my list to do (or not) this year are things you could probably guess. But I'm not going to say them here, because I am accountable to myself in this journey. I don't want to get all puffed up and make some sweeping declarations, then have to be concerned with disappointing other people if, at the end of the year, I don't measure up to what I said I would do.
So far, the year of living "whatever," has gotten off to a terrific start. On Wednesday night, my friend Ellen dropped by the house with a surprise for me. She remembered my birthday rant last year and had marked it on her calendar to make sure that didn't happen again. So she came bearing Diet Coke, chocolate cake and a birthday card and balloon.
Where would we be without our girlfriends? Ellen, you are a peach. Absolutely. Thanks so much! (And thanks for signing the contract by the front door that you won't tell anyone about the state of my house when you dropped by.)
And last night, I went to bed at 8:30pm and stayed in bed the whole night. That's pretty much unheard of. Just a little birthday gift to myself.
So here it is. My 39th birthday. Celebrate with me by having some cake wherever you are.
And last night, I went to bed at 8:30pm and stayed in bed the whole night. That's pretty much unheard of. Just a little birthday gift to myself.
So here it is. My 39th birthday. Celebrate with me by having some cake wherever you are.
