The 12 blogs of Christmas: #9 - Christmas Round One

We went to the in-laws today for round one of the gift-giving-and-getting frenzy that is Christmas. Compared to years past, my in-laws were quite tame in their gift giving, which is a good thing. Of course, I did the majority of their shopping, so I had some control over the situation. 

The big hits were Madden '09 for the Nintendo DS (Charlie), books 1 & 2 of the Twilight series (Annie) and two Ben 10 guys -- Swampfire and Humongasaur (Robbie). 

Karen & Tom seemed happy with the Dan in Real Life BluRay (I could watch that movie 50 times), their GoGo & Poppo wordles, and the fresh-from-the-German bakery springerle cookies.

Mike & I were surprised by our gift of green stuff which came with the directive to "buy something to add value to your house and stimulate the economy." Mike is trying to convince me of the relative value of a BluRay player, while I am set on helping him understand the benefit of new curtains in the family room. 

Our big family gift will come in February, in the form of four days in sunny (Please, God!) Sanibel, Florida. My father-in-law had wrapped a football with a note that said, "The next time we throw this football, we will all be where the birds are. Where will we be?" 

Now, I'm not sure if that says "Florida" to you, but it didn't for my kids. "The zoo! The pet store? Kentucky? (!)" It took a little hand holding to get to Florida. By that time they were so confused, they sort of acted like, "oh, a trip to Florida," kind of like you would expect them to respond to the revealing of a new scent of laundry detergent. 

As a mother, I was embarrassed that they weren't more expressively appreciative. So I said, "Do you know how we're gonna get to Florida?" 

"We're flying?!" There's the ticket -- and suddenly my in-laws were the heroes they deserve to be.  

Commence with the shrieking and squealing and generally goofy running around-ness. Except for one small, scared sounding whimper, which came from me as I realized that I only have about six weeks to lose 50 pounds. Hmmm...wonder if Bob or Jillian have any free time right now? 

The 12 blogs of Christmas: #8 - Not genetically engineered for baking

My mom is really good at a lot of stuff. She's artistic and crafty. She can fix just about anything with a rubberband and a paperclip. But I don't really think of her as a great cook. She's a decent cook. But there's not really one dish I think of and say "Oh, Mom makes the best..."

I don't get the idea that my NaNa (my Mom's mom) was a terrific cook either. Again, like my Mom, I think she was a pretty utilitarian cook -- she cooked for basic survival. My point is not to trash the reputations of my mother and grandmother, but rather to establish a case that the girls in my family were not genetically engineered to be good cooks.

For instance, my sister Shelley once made Jell-O that sat in the refrigerator for three days and never jelled. And it seems that the story of my "Cajun tuna surprise" will never die -- at least as long as Mike is around to perpetuate it.

So I wasn't surprised when I got this e-mail from my sister Angie:

Good morning!

Let me just tell you why I suck...at least as a cookie baker....

All excited to make my Grandma's famous gum drop cookies, I drug myself and Ava to the store last night at 8:30pm after playing 'single mom of 2' all day. I was careful to buy exactly what my Grandma said - the right gum drops, flour and even the 2 pound bag of light brown sugar.

After getting home, I carefully read over the recipe then began whipping together the ingredients one by one. Just as good old Grandma advised, I thoroughly mixed one before the other. Finally it is time to put them in the over at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!

They're done!...or are they?? They look like Grandma's cookies...until I cut into them...they're soup! How could this be? I followed the directions to a "t". So back in the oven they go for another 15 minutes.

While I waited for the gumdrop cookies to finish cooking I decided I'd go ahead and make the "easy" cookies...Ritz Peanut Butter Cookies. Sounded easy - two crackers, some peanut butter dipped in chocolate. I'm sure for anyone else it IS easy..but for me, not so much!

I dumped the chocolate chips in a microwave-safe bowl, added a little olive oil to make the chocolate shiny and threw it in the microwave careful not to cook it too long, as I didn't want to burn it. Two minutes - not done. In for another 1 minute, still not done...so back in it goes for one final minute. Before I even heard the beep, I smelled the burn. Yep - leave it up to me to scorch the fricken chocolate chips!!

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

Back to the gum drop cookies now that one recipe was completely destroyed. I pulled them out of the oven for the second time. So then I think, well maybe they just need to set up.

So off to bed I go with visions of gumdrop cookies in my head. When I get up this morning, I carefully peeled back the wax paper, inserted the knife...my eyes got big and my heart sank - still not right!

So do you think anyone would mind if I brought store bought cookies to the Cookie Exchange??!

Sincerely,

Santa's Sucky Cookie Cooker

Now, no offense to Grandma, I never liked those gumdrop cookies. But her springerles? Pure black licorice heaven. But I know better than to try baking those myself. So I'll be headed to the local German bakery next week to pick up mine.

I knew it!

For years, I have endured unsolicited commentary, criticism and even open hostility from the people who are supposed to love me most -- my husband, my mother, my sisters. And I sheepishly took that which they leveled at me, having no ground on which to fight their allegations.

But tonight I have proof! Proof that I am not nocturnally auditorily offensive. Proof that they are delusional. Tonight I have proof that I do NOT snore. Judge for yourself:


Amyasleep from Mike Magan on Vimeo.

The irony is that Mike shot this video (obviously in very low light) to prove that I do snore. But I didn't! I don't! I won't be made to feel guilty about supposedly keeping someone awake with my "chainsaw-like breathing" again!

Thanks, honey, for the vindication!

Does Santa have a Lands End gift for you?

I'm really not a brand-specific clothing shopper. Heck, I'm happy if it fits regardless of what name is on the label. But one brand I am partial to is Lands' End. The clothes are well-made and hold up superbly in the wash. And they carry what I like to refer to as "teapot" clothes -- those made for the short and stout.

So when I got an invitation to enter to win a $100 Lands' End gift card, I didn't have to think twice. Want in on the deal? Just take a few minutes to complete the Lands' End Sun.Life 2008 Survey.

It's quick -- only 22 multiple choice questions. Once you finish, your name will be entered to win one of five $100 Lands' End Gift Cards. But hurry, you have to complete the survey by midnight (CST) on Friday, December 19th. That's tomorrow! So put down the Christmas card list and get clicking:

Lands' End Sun.Life 2008

New one in name calling

So Robbie was bugging Annie in the way that little brothers are born to bug big sisters. Flicking her with a string. Jumping in front of the TV she was watching. Trying to step on her foot.

"Robbie! Get out of here! You're annoying," she yelled at him.

"Oh yeah?! Well you're a stink-bra," he hollered back.

Did I show any favoritism when I laughed at that? Stink-bra...I'll have to remember that one, especially on laundry day.

The 12 blogs of Christmas: #7 - O Perfect Nite!

There hasn't been a night in several weeks that has been as perfect as tonight...

...no one has to go to a practice (except Christmas choir, which we are skipping b/c of the weather)

...there is no homework to be done (except Annie's extra credit report, but she's a 6th grader, she can handle that)

...the teacher gifts are wrapped (no exceptions there), as are most of the other Christmas gifts

This is THE perfect night for playing "Mommy's legs are broken and she can't get off the couch."

Yes, there is laundry to be folded (about 3 loads). There are dishes to be done. There are Christmas cards to be addressed. But not tonight. The only effort I intend to exert tonight is scrolling, clicking and typing. Oh, and breathing. This is my Christmas season gift to myself.

And so here I am. Favorite red-checked fleece blanket tucked around my legs, pillow behind me, laptop resting on my, well duh...lap. We're watching a Muppet Christmas movie and I am NOT going to move.

I just sent the boys upstairs to get their jammies on -- by themselves. Without me. And if they come back downstairs wearing dinosaur bottoms and penguin tops, so be it. Because I am not getting off the couch.

In fact, since school's only in session until about 11am tomorrow, I'm going to let Robbie watch the movie until he falls asleep in the chair. And when Mike returns home, I'll have him carry the boy up to bed. Because I am not getting of the couch.

Maybe I'll even sleep here tonight, cuddled up in my cocoon safe away from snoring husbands (ok, he might argue that I'm the real auditory offender) and wandering children.

O Perfect Nite for being a snuggled in, warmed up, logged on Mommy who is not getting off the couch.

Wordless Wednesday: Hail to the Victor!

Go here for the Biggest Loser finale recap. Click here for more Wordless Wednesday fun!