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Friday, August 1, 2008

Sleep eludes me (or vice versa)

I have a sleep disorder. Well, a few. I do have sleep apnea and have the wretched machine that goes along with it.

But that's not what I want to talk about here. The sleep disorder I have is that I don't go to sleep. Not that I can't, but I don't. It's almost 1:30am and I'm still awake. This happens probably 3-4 times a week.

I'm not afraid to go to sleep. No nightmare issues. I think it has to do with my sense that once my kids are in bed, I'm off the clock. It's all about ME time. And I get sucked in by the internet (no?!) or television or whatever. Generally not chores though...

And the next thing I know it's after midnight and I'm still awake. Then, like now, I look around and see all the things I should have been doing -- yes, chores, and then feel like I need to stay awake to finish the dishes or laundry. So that I can justify having stayed up so late.

Why don't I sleep? What is my problem? Will good sleep always elude me? Will I learn to be as disciplined about my own bedtime as am I my children's?

Think I'll have to sleep on that...

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