I like to shop. I might even go so far as to say I love to shop. But not for swimsuits. Shopping for a swimsuit is the essence of evilness. Shopping for a swimsuit under a deadline is like dancing with the devil himself.
It's Memorial Day weekend, so all the pools were open. And of course the kids were just dying to go. I did not have a suit to wear, however. So on Sunday, I left the kids with Mike at the pool and dashed off to the store to find a suit.
Actually, I had bought two suits at Costco earlier in the day. Unfortunately, when I got them home to try them on, the first one made me look like a decorative sausage. The second one spilled my "girls" more than a toddler spills apple juice when learning to drink out of a big kid cup.
So, I headed to JC Penney. I've had luck there finding sensible, reasonably priced, relatively non-ugly fashions before. But once I found the swimsuits, I had a hard time figuring out which ones were meant for someone of my age and, let's politely say, composition. After a few minutes, I keyed into the racks that said "Misses" and "Women's" on them and felt pretty confident I could find something there.
I took about six suits into the dressing room with me. Suits 1, 2 and 3 were quickly rejected for reasons of fit, pattern, support (or not) in the chestal region, and the degree of nether region shaving that would be required to wear them.
Suits 4, 5, and 6 were all possibilities. I had to try them each on several times. Kind of like when you go to the eye doctor and he says "Which is better 4 or 5? 5 or 6? 4 or 6?" Of course it was so blasted hot, that putting the suits on my sweaty body (all essential areas covered, thankyouverymuch) was not an easy task.
The suit (#5) I settled on was a "this will do in a pinch" choice. The pattern might be a little matronly -- though I'd love to have it in a bedspread. And there is a part of me that associates swim dress with grandmother, but I like that the skirt provides more coverage of my rear and thighs.
You didn't think I was actually going to post a picture of me WEARING the suit, did you? I've bared myself in the fat dress, but I draw the line at swimsuits.
When I called to tell Mike I was on my way back to the pool, he asked if I'd found a sexy suit. Now, I do have clothes that make me feel curvy and attractive, and yes, even sexy. However, this swimsuit -- likely, ANY swimsuit -- does not do that.
But it keeps me from having to go skinny dipping at a public pool, so I'll take it.