The heart of the matter

I got so caught up in all that Biggest Loser excitement, that I forgot to tell you about the Go Red for Women luncheon I attended on Friday. Of course it wasn't all the big to-do that the luncheon was for me last year. This year, I went as a volunteer.

I worked at a table to encourage women to get an idea of whether or not they are at risk for heart disease. There were three of us working the table, so we took turns walking around to visit the information booths. I had my cholesterol tested -- mine was very good! I tried whole wheatberries and a mustardy beet salad, both of which were way yummier than they sound. I had make-up airbrushed onto my face. I had my blood pressure taken -- it was high, so I need to check up on that. Oh, and I spoke to a crowd of 1,000. Maybe that's why my blood pressure was high.

The American Heart Association in Indianapolis is holding another Better U challenge, with a bit of a twist this year. Instead of starting it in January, as the program I participated in last year, this one is kicking off on March 7 and much of the focus of the luncheon (besides raising money), was on encouraging women to participate in the free, online program. (You can too!) Before this year's challengers were introduced, the AHA had asked me to address the audience and tell them what I got out of the program last year.

I wasn't really nervous to talk to all those people. I was more nervous about being up there and not looking like a supermodel. Most of what I had to say was about the things I learned from the experience. But I did 'fess up to the struggles I've had over the past several months with weight and exercise. I just tried to be real and encouraging. I ended my 5 minutes of limelight with this:

The program is called Better YOU for a reason. YOU can change your life. Start with just one thing. Switch from regular soda to diet. Go for a walk after dinner instead of heading for the couch. Make an appointment with your doctor if it’s been a while since you’ve had a check-up. Stop smoking. The BetterU Challenge made a difference in my life and in my family’s life. And it can make a difference in your life, too.

I thought that speaking to a ballroom full of people was going to be the highlight of my day. Far from it. About 30 minutes before the crowd was seated for lunch, those of us speaking were supposed to gather in the ballroom for a run-through. I arrived a little early, so I scouted out my table to put my swag bag and purse down. One of the catering staff, Lisa,  was setting the table with glasses of water. I asked if I would be in her way if I stayed there. She assured me I would not.

Then she looked at me and she said, "You know, it's weird that I'm working this event today. My mom is having heart-pacer [pacemaker] put in next week in Texas."

Lisa got a bit teary-eyed, so I stepped over to her, introduced myself, and gave her a sideways hug. I told her I imagined how hard it must be to be so far away at a time like that. I asked what her mom's name is -- Maria -- and told her that I would keep Maria in my prayers. And now I'm asking you to do the same. Maria's surgery is scheduled (or at least it was on Friday) for tomorrow.

After the luncheon was over and I was packing up my things, Lisa came over to me and said, "Thank you, Amy. You've inspired me to try to make some better choices and do something about my weight. And thank you for being a shoulder for me."

As I gave her another hug -- full on this time -- I thought, it didn't really matter that I had just spoken to 1,000 women. I was just grateful that I'd had the opportunity to talk to this one.

The rest of the story

I uploaded my last post at 4:30am yesterday from my room in the cardiac observation unit. I never did get back to sleep. I tried, but all I could do was toss and turn and go from being too hot to being too cold.

I turned on the television and found that there was a "relaxation" channel available. You could choose from relaxing music, calming scenes or guided imagery. I decided guided imagery might be a good option, thinking it would give me a chance to settle down and maybe do a little praying. Unfortunately, the program wouldn't load. So I opted to check out the movie channel instead.

"Up in the Air" with George Clooney was one of the choices. I hadn't seen it yet and decided that watching George for a few hours might be just as relaxing as guided imagery. Good plan, if the movie had not been the most depressing movie in the history of forever.

Shortly after the movie was over, the morning shift tech came in to take my temperature, blood pressure, etc. Then the doc arrived to let me know that the stress echo was scheduled first thing and by about 8am, I was in the treadmill room. In case you've never had the privilege, let me just share that the prep for a stress echo allows for about as much modesty as childbirth, except it's not your hooha that's on display. I just looked straight ahead and tried not to think about the fact that my girls were just hanging out there. The nurse and the echo ultrasound tech were both friendly and very professional. Once all the leads and wires were set, I could cover up again.

If you have personal space issues, you should take care of yourself so you're never lying on your left side on a table with an ultrasound tech literally draped over you. After the initial pictures of my heart were captured, the cardiologist came in, reviewed them and said we were a go for the treadmill. I walked on the treadmill at a slight incline for 6 minutes. Starting out, I was all chatty. After about two minutes, there was no more chatting because I was trying to conserve my oxygen for simply breathing. The cardiologist stood there during the test and said the EKG was looking good.

He also offered that I look much better in person than I do on paper. I guess that's a good thing, right? After 6 minutes, when I was breathless and sweaty, they quick stopped the treadmill. I dropped right onto the table and the ultrasound of my heart was repeated. Then it was back to my room to wait for the results.

As I anticipated, the results came back and everything was good. Of course I was happy about that, but a little frustrated that I'd spent 24 hours and who knows how much money to figure that out.

So what happened? It's likely that I was dehydrated, which caused the low potassium. My blood pressure was low and that started the blacking out that kicked off the whole episode. In hindsight, I feel kind of stupid for all the drama. But if the outcome of the test had been different, I would have felt justified. Since I don't have a crystal ball, I'll stick with the better safe than sorry line of thinking.

And hopefully, that's where the drama ends.

A not so funny thing happened on the way to the office yesterday

Yesterday started out to be a pretty good day. The kids were ready for school early. Mike and I met at the gym and brisk-walked laps for about 45 minutes. I exchanged friendly chatter with the older ladies in the locker room. Took my shower. Got dressed for work. And then...

I was blow drying my hair when everything started to go black. I was able to jerk myself awake and sat down on a chair. Pretty woozy, I looked at the phone to call the front desk, but decided against it. After a few minutes, I got home and walked to the lobby of the gym. Feeling a little "starry" and not real steady, I sat down in the lobby for a few minutes waiting for the feeling to pass.

I got up and made it to the car, where I weighed my options. a.) Call Mike. b.) Call 911. c.) Go back inside and ask for help. d.) Or drive to the kids' school (about 5 minutes away) to see if the school nurse could take my blood pressure.

Gold star for you if you guessed that I chose option D.

About 1 block after I left the gym, I started feeling some chest pressure. I'm an expert heartburn-haver and this was not heartburn. But I was determined not to panic. I took a few deep breaths and was glad to see that I still could. No pain in my arms -- good. No jaw pain -- good. But the further I drove, the more the pressure settled on my chest. About two blocks away from the school, I started feeling woozier and blackish again. Then I couldn't breathe.

I'm pretty sure an angel drove me safely into the parking lot because I don't remember much of it. I grabbed my cell phone, hit the school # on speed dial, punched in 7 for the nurse's extension and barely got out, "This is Amy Magan. I'm in the parking lot and I can't breathe."

I left everything in the car and started to walk toward the building. The nurse and someone else helped me inside. My friend Lisa called 911. It seems there were quite a few people around. What I remember most is looking down at my shoes -- I was wearing pink and white tennis shoes with my black corduroy pants because I forgot my black shoes at home -- and thinking, "I must look so dorky wearing these shoes."

The paramedics arrived. My blood pressure was a little low. They gave me the option of going with them or going to the hospital on my own. I decided to go on my own, though my plan was really to just go home and call my family doctor. That is, until I started feeling like I was going to pass out again. I accepted a lift from the paramedics.

A few thoughts came to mind as I was in the ambulance in they were starting an IV, taking my blood sugar, and doing who knows what else. First, I hoped this was not a repeat pulmonary embolism. Second, I was glad that I'd shaved my legs. Third, how much is all this gonna cost?

We arrived at the ER, where I decided that they should really paint the ambulance bay some bright and cheery colors. It's concrete gray. If I were dying, that is not the last thing I would have wanted to see.

Anyway, fast forward to the part where I wasn't dying. I didn't have a blood clot in my lung, and the cardiologist said I'd earned the privilege of staying for observation overnight with a stress test to be done in the morning. Ironically, my overnight stay caused me to miss a Go Red for Women luncheon committee meeting at the American Heart Association.


Now for the public service announcement: February is heart month. Heart disease kills more women than all cancers combined. If you haven't had your blood pressure and cholesterol checked in a long time, call today to schedule an appointment. If you're supposed to be following a restricted diet and taking medication, do it. And for God's sake, if you feel chest pain/pressure, shortness of breath or any other symptom that seems it might impede your ability to keep on living, call 911. Do not get in the car and drive.

I'm sure that everything will turn out ok for me. My potassium was a bit low. Some mild concern about one of my cardiac enzymes, though that seems to have resolved itself. I'm scheduled for a stress echo this morning and will hopefully be on my way home shortly after.

Waking up from a dream

Yesterday was the Go Red for Women luncheon and truthfully, I'm trying to reach back into the day and embrace all that happened. It was a fabulous day, but I really feel like I was walking around in a dream.

It started bright and early with the gals at Dr. Turkle's office doing our make-up. I really only wear makeup a few times a month. It's not that I don't like it, but despite numerous lessons, I don't feel like I really know how to wear it and it seems like an extra fuss I don't want to spend the time on. But I was more than happy to let Elissa work her magic:

Here's me, up close and personal. It's kind of an awkward self-portrait via cell phone camera, but I felt so pretty. I honestly got teary looking at myself and actually thinking the word "pretty" about me!

Of course I didn't miss the opportunity to get a pic taken with Elissa, my miracle worker:

The atmosphere was kind of like a wedding day -- all the bridesmaids sitting around together getting ready for the big event. Once all the girls had their makeup finished, we were off in style. The Heart Association sent a limo to transport us all to the hotel.

That's Kimila, Jessica, Dee, Ruth and our Go Red Ambassador/Coach Sandy.

If the morning went by quickly, once we arrived at the hotel, everything kicked into whirlwind pace. We didn't have much time to enjoy the atmosphere -- 1,000 women (and a few men) in red, toting fabulous red swag bags, health screenings, freebies, etc. I was able to do a few things but then it was time for the run through for the fashion show.

That's when I started getting nervous. I walked into the ballroom and saw it set for 1,000 guests and I saw this big long runway and I could feel the butterflies. But mostly, I just had fun.

Nancy from Macy's brought out a darling pair of red slingback wedges for me to wear and I just LOVED them! Then the firefighters who were going to escort us on the stage arrived. With them was one of their female firefighters who, it turns out, is friends with my friend Lynn, who told Joy to look for me. She was so sweet; meeting her was honestly one of the best parts of the day.

Soon after I met Joy, Mike arrived -- on crutches because he hurt his knee playing racquetball with the kids last week -- and Joy snapped this pic of us. I love the pic more than I love the red shoes!

Don'tcha just love the hearts in the background of the pic?!

After the runway practice, I ran into my boss and two co-workers in the hallway, all of whom were nice enough to say how great I looked. (I'm totally a sucker for flattery!) Then lunch - the food was amazing -- not your typical boring banquet stuff -- crispy flatbread, a squash and spinach lasagna, broiled tomatoes, apple cranberry tarts. I mean really delicious and heart healthy too.

We had to scarf the food down because then we had to run to get dressed. I loved the dress, but I was obsessing about whether or not my bra (new since I'd tried on the dress at Macy's) was showing and trying to get the ribbon belt untied because it felt a bit snug. In retrospect, I wish I'd been able to untie it and tie it looser because looking at the pictures, the dress wasn't nearly as flattering as I'd remembered it. And looking at the pictures, I'm not as skinny as I felt. (I must have one of those reverse body image problems. Ha!)

I'm glad I didn't feel it in the moment though. Because in the moment, I felt fabulous. So many of the girls told me I looked "adorable!" We waited backstage while they showed a video about us -- here's me in the video, larger than life on the big screen (the lines are shadows of balloon ribbons hanging in front of the screen):

Then it was show time!

My firefighter was Brandon. He's 36 and in his first year on the fire department. He said he tried for six years to get selected -- and he made the age cut off by 4 days. What a great story! Brandon, and all the firefighters, were so complimentary of all us. Having them there was a nice addition to the day.

It was such a great day, definitely a day on which I felt very loved. I got so many compliments from people at the luncheon and so much love from my Facebook friends who left numerous messages of encouragement at good luck. Everyone should get to have a day like that.

And now that it's over, I need to remember that it's really not over. That there is still is one month left in the Better U challenge and that I still have a long way to go (55 pounds to be exact) to be where I want to be.

Runway countdown

Today is Monday. In just four more days, I'll walk out in front of hundreds of women (and presumably at least a handful of men) as part of the fashion show for the Go Red for Women luncheon.

So this afternoon, I met Nancy at Macy's to select my outfit, which will be on loan to me for the event. When Nancy suggested a suit, I winced a little. I am definitely not a suit kind of gal. But keeping in mind that beggars can't be choosers and that it's really nice of Macy's to do this for us, I agreed to at least try on one.

The first try was red jacket with a very fashion forward belt and a pair of black pants. Ugh! I vowed to NOT wear black pants. But I really did like the outfit. Unfortunately, despite my weight loss, it was too snug.

On to the next option, which was what I'm calling a garden party dress. It's a black and white sundress with big red flowers at the bottom and a black cardigan to wear over. I really liked this dress. Fun and flirty, but pretty similar in style to the dress Annie wore to the junior high dance at school.

Nancy and I both liked "fun and flirty," but I wanted to see what else Macy's might have for me. On the way out of the dressing room, I saw a very classic red suit and amazingly, it was available in my size. Now, this suit was definitely nothing I would normally wear. But that whole "opposites attract" thing was at work, I think, because I really liked it. I couldn't believe that I was considering a suit.

Still, I'd seen an outfit on a mannequin upstairs that I wanted to look out. Nancy, bless her very patient heart, agreed to go have a look. But when we got upstairs and I got a closer look, the shirt seemed a little chintzy. Well, not really like chintz, but cheapy. And there was not a whole lot of red in the plus-size department (sadly, it's still my fashion home...). Lots of pink, but "go pink for women" is a whole different cause.

As I was still mulling "power suit" vs. "fun 'n flirty" -- and trying to get the Facebook vote to help me decide -- Nancy and I hit the shoe department. Now, I'm not very adventurous when it comes to shoes. I'm all about hip footwear, as long as the heel is not skinny, pointy or higher than about one and a half inches. I was feeling a little discouraged, but it was Nancy to the rescue with a pair that was perfect -- for the suit. I couldn't believe I was actually considering the suit.

If you know me, you probably know that I do not make decisions lightly. Especially decisions about what I will wear in front of hundreds of people who will, at some point in the day, all be looking at me. So, I sent Nancy off to work with another Go Red challenger and I went back to try on the two outfits again.

This time, I called for reinforcements. I snapped pictures of myself in front of the mirror and e-mailed them to my sister Angie and to Annie:

(Like the big flower pin? I picked that out all by myself! So if you don't like it, I don't want to know.)

Both Annie and Angie voted for the dress, as did the sales lady who was gracious enough to weigh in with her opinion. That, plus the fact that I could picture myself having fun in the dress, was enough to convince me. The suit, while flattering, made me feel a little stiff.

So I went off to find Nancy and told her that I'd changed my mind. She was gracious and didn't say (at least out loud) "Oh for the love of Pete, be finished already!" Instead, she smiled and offered to locate a pair of slingback shoes to go with the dress (which of course will necessitate a pedicure before Friday!).

There's a place in heaven for Nancy. And I'm sure when she arrives, she'll be impeccably dressed!

Friday Fragments: Better Late than Never

So it's 9:32pm on Friday and I'm just deciding to play the Friday Fragments game with Mrs. 4444s. I'm sure she won't mind I'm so late to the party. She's cool like that.

*******

Darn you, Girl Scouts, and your too-hard-to-pass-up-especially-when-frozen Thin Mints. Really, curses to you.

*******

I gave up internet Scrabble and Diet Coke for Lent. No wonder I'm in bed at 9:30pm. What the heck else am I supposed to do?

*******

I need to find something to wear for the Go Red for Women luncheon on Friday. I think I want something v-necked and curvy. Definitely not a red cardigan and white turtleneck, which is my default. And absolutely not black pants. Gaaaahhhh! I am sick to death of black pants. Though, that does beg the question, what the heck else is there to wear?

*******

I'm totally skewing the "average time on site" stats for the Homemade Serenity blog. That's because I LOVE her playlist. So I go to her site and keep it open in the background just so I can hear the songs. It feeds my inner granola girl.

*******

Do you ever know you should be doing something, but you don't want to because the fact that you should be just irritates you? So you don't do it, and then when you feel all crappy because you aren't doing what you should be doing, you get more irritated? Yeah. Me, too.

*******

That "God Wants You to Know" application on Facebook is freakishly on target. So much so that I'm beginning to think that God really is behind it. I bet He never has to call tech support.

*******

Think that's all I've got for now. Hope it's a great weekend in your neck of the woods.

Wordless Wednesday: Go Drag, I mean, Red for Women

To learn why these Jiffy Lube mechanics are decked out in red dresses, click here.

For more Wordless Wednesday fun, click here.

Going red

Well, now didn't this new color scheme just up and grab ya?! I should have uploaded it yesterday, since it was February 1, but better late than never. I know it's a bit garish with the purple and green, but I've got limited skillz, people. Of course, the change is in honor of February being "Go Red for Women" month!

Go Red for Women is, in my own estimation, about two things. First, it's about raising awareness that heart disease is the #1 killer of women in the United States (Joanne in Canada - I'm sure it's bad, too, so don't turn me off!). Second, it's about stepping up and making a pledge to keep your own heart healthy.

To those ends, here are some ideas for you:

Awareness

1. Become a fan of Go Red for Women on Facebook.
2. Get a free red dress pin, then tell others why you're wearing it.
3. Read the inspirational stories of others who are living with and fighting against heart disease.
4. Participate in national Wear Red Day, this Friday, February 5.
5. Make your cell phone Go Red, too, with wallpaper and a Go Red ringtone!
6. Answer the casting call to become a Go Red for Women national spokesperson.

Stepping Up

1. Take the Go Red Heart CheckUp. A few minutes of time could mean years on your life.
2. Sign up to work toward a BetterU.
3. Check out some new -- and delicious -- heart healthy recipes.
4. If it's been a while, go to your doctor for a check up. Vow to know your numbers.
5. Attend a Go Red luncheon in your area. If you attend the Indianapolis luncheon (February 26), please look for me and introduce yourself (if I don't already know you). This is no ordinary lunch, but a 1/2 day filled with workshops aimed at getting and keeping your heart healthy.

I've been really, really lucky to have been able to participate in this heart healthy challenge with my local chapter of the American Heart Association. Having access to the cardiologist, the trainers, the gym, the dietitian and the rest of our great support team has been fabulous. But don't wait for all the stars to align to set out on your path to heart health.

I was really inspired by my friend Sharon who reached her goal weight without the assistance of a team of specialists and a fabulous gym. Let Sharon inspire you, too.

Heart health is not necessarily about losing weight. It's also about good nutrition, getting enough rest and not smoking. Whatever you need to do to love your heart, I hope you do it -- today!

And if you wear red on Friday, February 5, e-mail me a pic at 4thfrog70 at gmail dot com and I'll post it here.

Oh, and I'll just leave you with a celebratory pic from the gym today:

Heartfelt inspiration

It's not a holiday story. Well, it is a Holladay story.

It's a real life story - one that starts in tragedy and ends in hope. And it was written by my Better U co-challenger Ruth Holladay. Check it out here (article titled "Straight from the Heart).

If you are here from Ruth's blog and want to read my thoughts on the Better U opportunity, check out these entries:

• Be Still My Heart
• Going Red
  

Be still my heart

I have a big mouth. Wanna know what's going on in my life? Just ask and I'll pretty much tell you -- would I be a blogger if I were tight-lipped? (Well, there are a few things that I keep close to the vest.) But, I've been sitting on a secret for a few weeks now.

No, I'm not pregnant.

In mid-October, I ran into a fellow school mom, Hether, at after school pick-up. Hether said, "Hey! I tore this out of the paper for you."

It was an announcement that the local American Heart Association was looking for five women to participate in their Better U 12-week Heart Healthy Makeover. Anyone can go online and follow the program for themselves. But the AHA here wanted to find five women to put through the program with the help of cardiologists, dieticians, and personal trainers. The chosen women would be asked to blog about their experience and will be featured at the Go Red for Women luncheon in February.

The blogging component is what made Hether think of me. And serendipitously, we ran into each other at school, which doesn't happen often.

So I took the article home, sat down to write my 100-word statement about why I should be chosen (I think I fudged and used 107 words) and e-mailed it off. About 10 days later, I got a call saying I was a finalist! And I didn't utter a word here because I didn't want to jinx it.

I thought the interview went well. They asked me to tell them a little bit about myself, what I wanted out of the program, if I would be comfortable doing media interviews. And I had a good answer for every question, I thought. I left there feeling pretty good about my chances. They had received 120 applications and were interviewing 12 women to select the final five. So I didn't even have to be the best -- just better than seven others!

They said it would be a week or so before they announced the winners. But because I'm an impatient sort, I went to the local AHA website yesterday and saw this:

Go Red BetterU Heart Healthy Makeover
The American Heart Association selected five women who are ready to improve their health to participate in the Go Red BetterU Heart Healthy Makeover Challenge. As part of the Challenge, the women will receive free wellness screenings, consultations with a medical professional and ongoing coaching from a personal trainer and dietician.

Selected. As in already chosen. As in I didn't get a phone call. I was absolutely crushed. I'd really be counting on this opportunity to give me the shove toward better health that I need. Minorly hopeful, and a little irritated that I didn't at least get a "thanks but no thanks " e-mail, I sent a note to Kelly, one of the Heart Association women I'd interviewed with.

"I noticed on your website that the 5 women for the BetterU program have already been selected. Does that mean I should uncross my fingers?"

Then about 20 minutes later, after I had checked my e-mail about 47 times, I got a response from Kelly saying "We haven't made any public announcements. Can you send me the link where you saw that?"

So I sent her the link and one desperate, shameless plug for myself reminding her that I'm practically a cardiac catastrophe waiting to happen.

NOTHING. No response at all yesterday afternoon. None at 9pm. None at midnight. None at 7am this morning.

I was just sick and immediately transported back to my junior year in high school when I was so sure that I was a shoe-in for yearbook and I didn't get picked, which threw me headlong into a genuine depression. I just felt deflated and sick to my stomach and began second guessing my interview.

"Maybe I shouldn't have been so cheerful? Maybe I should have gone in teary and begging for rescue from my sorry self? No. I had been myself and did my best," I thought. "When they do make a public announcement about the five women, I won't be catty and petty and think how they should have picked me. I'll be a grown up about this. A grown up who is going to drown her sorrows in Maggie Moos ice cream."

And then the phone rang. It was Kelly from the American Heart Association. "You jumped the gun on me yesterday," she said. "I told you we hadn't made a public announcement, but I didn't tell you it was because we hadn't notified the five women yet."

Well, at least she was nice enough to call and tell me in person that I hadn't made the cut. Except she went on to say, "So I'm notifying you. We are really excited to have you as part of our Go Red for Women Better U Heart Healthy Makeover!"

WHAT?! WOOHOO!!! They picked me! They picked me! I thanked her and quickly assured her that I am not some kind of crazy, desperate, cardiac stalker.

So, over the next few weeks, I'll be setting up appointments with the cardiologists and whomever else they want me to meet with. Then in the first week of December, I'll get to meet the four other women at a kick-off breakfast. Then in January, my 12-week BetterU program gets underway. In February, the five of us will participate in the Go Red for Women luncheon and -- get this -- fashion show!

I really feel like this is my time to make a change in my life. If I were any good at singing, I'd belt out "This is My Now!" But since I'm not, I'll let Jordin Sparks do it for me: