O. EMMM. Geeee...

Like ohmigosh, I'm sitting at a bagel place soaking up some free wifi and trying to get some work done, but there are these two, like, girls who must think they are on a talk show because they are talking loud enough for everyone in this place to hear.

And they must be, like, totally popular because they rully, rully miss lacrosse and they should totally have a reunion -- with just the people they like.Oh and the boyfriends, they have boyfriends. But maybe one not for long because she and her boyfriend, like, get in these fights, but "omigawd, our fights are SOOO lame."

Then there is the whole pity for the friends who have jobs. I mean that must be like, soooo awkward, having to work to get your money. Oh well, we should totally do lunch next week, rully.

They better hurry because "I totally can't believe you're leaving soon" and we'll fer sure text each other all the time. But they can't go tonight because like she finally said yes because he kept wanting to take her to this party, even though the last time they went to a party, she got like TOTALLY wasted and he held her hair back while she was totally puking.

And O EMMMM Geee isn't that just soooo cute?

Of course not everything is so cute because "I told her that she is gonna be soooo hideous when she grows up because I saw this one lady who looks kind of like her and she was so ugly, I almost had to barf."

I'm sure there's more, but I rully have to go ask these restaurant people if they have a spoon I could totally gag myself with.

Mean girl

I have a confession to make. I'm kind of a mean girl. Yes, really. Me. I know you're all probably shocked. But I am.

Now, if you were to meet me at a dinner party, I'd be very nice to you. I'm only mean to you if I already know you and love you. And I'm not mean in a horrible, witchy, backstabbing kind of way. But in a "wouldn't it be funny if..." sort of way.

I already told you about the joke I played on a co-worker, which sort of falls into the "mean" (but funny) category.

This is not really a new trait. When I was about seven years old or so, we lived in a house that had a laundry chute from my parents' closet down to a closet on the first floor. I told my sister Shelley to stand under the chute and wait for a surprise. Being only four years old, she did. Which is when I squirted shaving cream down the laundry chute and on to her head.

A few years later -- different house, different sister, I told my sister Angie that there was a puppy stuck in the shower drain. She, too, was probably about four years old, which would have made me 12ish. I took her in my parents bathroom and begged her to help me get the puppy out of the drain.

"I don't see a puppy," she said.

"Oh no! It's way down there," I explained. "You have to get down and look really close."

So she got in the shower, fully clothed, down on her hands and knees, and put her eye right up against the drain. That's when I turned the shower on.

Horrible, isn't it? But I was young then.

Not sure what my excuse was tonight.

Annie was in the shower, singing away. I told her to wrap it up -- the girl takes showers long enough to fillibuster the Senate for a week. She insisted she'd just gotten in.

Oh, I just couldn't resist. I knew she'd be mad, but I decided it was worth it.

I went to my bathroom and filled up a 32-ounce cup with cold water. Then I tiptoed back to the kids' bathroom (well, Annie's bathroom, since she's taken it over), climbed up on the toilet and dumped the cold water over the shower curtain and onto my unsuspecting daughter!

Awful aren't I? (tee hee hee!)