Put your party planning hat on

In just less than three weeks, Mike will turn 40 years old. He wants a party. And truthfully, given the year we've had so far, he NEEDS a party. But I'm at a bit of a loss at what to do.

I thought about taking a group of people out to the baseball game. I considered renting out a theater for a showing of Star Wars or some equally nerdy movie, although I'm not sure you can actually do that.

Oh, and there's that little detail where he currently is unemployed and money is kind of tight. (Although he does have some hopeful prospects out there, so that could change...)

He had the oh-so-helpful suggestion of renting a replica of the Dukes of Hazzard's General Lee and nemesis sheriff's car and parking them in my front yard. Yes, he is turning 40, not 14.

Anyway, a home party would probably be the most cost-effective, but perhaps a little more work to pull it off than I'm hoping to do. I still have the stable from the Christmas nativity sitting in the family room if that gives you an idea of what it would take to get this house party-ready.

So...no idea is a bad idea. What's been the most fun 40th birthday party you've attended? What kind of party would you want to be invited to? (That's no guarantee of an invitation.) How would you want to celebrate a milestone birthday?

Secret keeper

I've been keeping a little secret. No. I am not pregnant. The last one almost killed me, so I'm not going there again. Anyway, this is not exactly a huge secret. I've actually talked about it several times in the past, but now I've got more to show than just talk about.

The INShape Indiana video segments I've been shooting since last fall have been arriving in people's e-mail boxes and on the INShape website. The first two of six episodes have been released. That's my big secret. Sorry if you were expecting something more fun.

When INShape Indiana approached me, they said they were looking for an "everywoman" type person. From the very beginning, I've been putting myself out there as honestly as possible. I'm not a fitness or nutrition expert (obviously). I'm just one person trying, not always successfully,  to build healthy habits for myself and my family.  For the record, I am not getting rich doing these. In fact, I didn't get paid for my participation at all. Of course, being asked to participate was quite ego-stroking which, as any attention-loving Leo will tell you, is priceless.

The first episode was e-mailed out a couple of weeks ago. I didn't rush right over here to tell you because I'm a little uneasy about it. I agreed to do the shoots last fall when I much thinner. I didn't know at the time that the process would go on for as long as it has and that I would gain 20+ pounds from fall to spring. So I feel a little hypocritical. There are plenty of people (like my friend Liz) who are making some great strides in the health and fitness arena. But I hope people are able to relate to my experiences -- and to the piles of folded laundry stacked on my couch that can be seen in the background of some episodes!

Although only two episodes have been released, I've seen four of them. I really like what I hear. I just don't like what I see. Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds grossly underestimated. And why didn't Jason, the camera guy tell me that my necklace did not match my sweater in episode 2?! (Because he's a man, that's why.)

The process has been really fun. Jason and the rest of the crew from Cantaloupe TV have been great to work with. The style of the videos is like me -- casual and approachable. I've met some great people along the way. Maybe this will be my big break and I'll be discovered. 4thFrog TV? Who knows?

So...enough talk.

Meet Amy...Episode 1



and Episode 2



If you want to be among the first to see the new episodes as they are released, head over to the INShape Indiana website and sign up for their newsletter (bottom right of the homepage).

So...That's the big secret. Hope it was worth your time.

This post made possible by Target

I've had the pics for this post for several weeks. I just needed to find the right time to use them. Today, the Queen of Free gave me that nudge when I read her Grocery Store Commandments. I am a frequent violator of #6: Thou Shalt Not Shop for Leisure.  Trips to Target or Walmart should not be a hobby. 

Are you kidding me? Tell me that a trip to Target by yourself isn't almost as good as a mini-vacation? Especially if I go by myself at night, Target is the perfect place to aimlessly wander the aisles just to see what's there and to avoid having to pull bedtime duty at home.

Which is exactly what I did a few weeks ago. As if that wasn't fun enough, I pulled out my trusty cell phone camera and snapped pics of things that I thought were noteworthy:

I guess the silly band craze is over. A bazillion silly bands on clearance. 

Boy, don't those people who paid $4.99 a package feel dumb now?

Proof that my husband is not the only nerd out there. What says "Happy Father's Day" better than a verbal duel between Captains Kirk and Picard?

I wonder if my grandma knows Target pulled a Julie Andrews 

and cut up her curtains to make dresses?

New nail polish intended to keep you awake if you've stayed up blogging to late. Hello bright colors!

The package says "real construction." Except it's not real wood. Plastic "wood-like product" to be cut with a plastic saw. Time to let the boy out of the plastic bubble, people.

Wrong-way stripes, why do you tempt me so? I love you, but you don't love me back.

What's the best/worst/strangest thing you've seen a Target (or a similar store) lately?

A Friend In Need and the Wisdom of Pooh Bear

Today's guest post is from my long-time bloggy turned real-life friend, Liz, who you can find at her blog, Eternal Lizdom. Thanks Liz for helping out while I'm spending time with my family, celebrating the life of Mike's mom.

Sometimes, it is so hard to know what to do or say when someone you know is going through something difficult. My first response is always that I am praying for them. And I mean it- they aren’t words I use lightly and I will lift them up in prayer immediately and anytime they enter my mind after that.

For some situations, prayer and kind words are all I have to offer.

But what about the other things that friends do for us? What are the things that you are particularly good at doing when someone is facing hard times? And what holds you back from reaching out and asking to help?

Maybe you make an awesome casserole that is insanely easy to reheat and serve. Maybe you also make delicious cookies. What stops you from throwing together that meal and dropping it off to a friend going through a hard time?

Maybe you knit or are otherwise crafty. Why not knit a scarf for a friend who is hurting and give it to them with a note that says “wear this and feel my arms embracing you as you go through this difficulty?” Or maybe a blanket they can snuggle up with- those fleece knot blanket or a simple pieced together quilt?

You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.

Maybe you are great at entertaining kids. Why not call up your mom friend who has a husband who is out of town on business and she’s been frazzled with work stress and health issues and money problems and offer to pick up the kids and give her a few hours to herself?

Maybe you are an artist. Why not paint or draw a calm and serene picture full of calm and warm colors to give to someone who is hurting?

"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?"

"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

Maybe you just know the things that leave you feeling loved and you can give that to someone. Schedule (and pay for) a massage appointment for a friend who has helped you through some fitness hurdles and is suffering some muscle and tension pain. Make a comfort basket of their favorite treats- wine, chocolate, Diet Coke, fuzzy socks, a cozy scented candle.

Maybe you like to work outside. What stops you from going next door to your widowed neighbor’s yard and mowing or raking or shoveling snow?

And maybe you can write and reach people with your words. What stops you from writing a guest post for a friend’s blog or writing a post that asks others to help someone? Why not start typing and use your words and network to uplift and support?

A friend in need is a friend indeed. I hope that my friends know they can call on me when they have a need- just like my friend Amy did. I also hope that I can be in tune with the people around me and that I can see a need and not be afraid to reach out and fulfill it. That I can let down my guard and not be afraid to step out of my comfort zone to make a positive impact in someone’s life, to show them that they are thought of and cared about and loved.

"Friendship," said Christopher Robin, "is a very comforting thing to have."

Why do they gain it back?

I'm going to be scheduling some guest posts over the next few days while I spend time with our family to celebrate the life of my mother-in-law. Thanks so much to Beth for pitching in to help me out. 

When Amy asked me to guest post I knew that my topic would be The Biggest Loser. It's how I first met Amy and is one of the subjects for which she is known. Then as I sat down to write I knew that, hard as it might be, I would write on "Why Do They Gain It Back?"

Monday morning I had an 8:15 appointment with my Pain Management Doctor. In the reception area I had to sit in an armchair and hope that the arms wouldn't decide to give way thanks to my substantial hip width. They didn't. The nurse came to get me and led me to a scale not unlike the platform scale on Biggest Loser. It's a square silver platform. I took off my shoes and stood nose to nose with blinking red numbers on a black LCD screen. Where will they stop? This time they stopped at 402!

Four years ago I stepped on a different scale and gazed with pride on the 248 revealed there. I had lost, through discipline, diet, and sheer hard work, 200 pounds! And I believed that I had at least another 50 in me. I looked good. I felt good. I could sit in booths. I could stand up from sitting on the ground. My joints didn't hurt. I was friends with my scale and my mirror.

What happened? I've spent a lot of time considering the answer to that question. There are some simple answers and some for which I am still digging. I need to keep looking though because I really don't wish to see 450 again! Here are a few of MY answers:

Routine not as easy at home as it is on the ranch! Okay ... I never went to the ranch! But I was blessed to be able to spend 20+ years as a stay at home mom. And during the 2 year period that I worked on losing 200 pounds I was spending 5 or 6 hours a day at the gym. When I went back to work (clerical) in 2007, long days in the gym were replaced by long days in the office! My schedule was suddenly FILLED with a work day, my family's needs, and housework that I didn't think I would ever catch up on! I promised myself that I would find a way to get back to a disciplined gym routine but something else always came first so I never did.

Support at home is not as supportive! Don't misunderstand me here. My family and friends were overjoyed with my weight loss and my ability to fully participate in life because of it. And they have despaired with me as the weight came back on. And their words are almost always supportive. But when we go out to eat they choose pasta (actually I choose pasta a lot too ... they don't talk me out of it). My family has not stepped up to take over the housework, meal prep, etc. so that I can take time for the gym and make me a priority! I have an awesome husband and in the last couple of years he HAS taken over doing the dishes, grocery shopping, and some meal prep. But I always see the things that still need to be done! Beyond that ... the only support they give me is the positive kind. And some days ... I need a kick in the seat of the pants!

Bob and Jillian aren't there! Most of us don't have, and can't afford, a trainer! During my two years of dedicated gym attendance I watched a lot of people work with trainers. I never hired one. It just wasn't it the budget! But I know that those of us who need to lose a lot of weight NEED someone yelling at us to go further, push harder, reach beyond what we believe to be our endurance limits. Because we will NOT push ourselves that far!

It hurts! Another aspect of not having a trainer, and not knowing our own limits, is that we can, and sometimes do, hurt ourselves and that throws a major wrench in the weight loss or maintenance works! Have you noticed the times on the show when they have all been in a training room with wraps on their joints, ice packs on their sore places, and medics standing by in case of an emergency? I don't have that. So if something hurts ... I stop using it to allow it time to heal. And some times that break in the routine is the straw that breaks the camels back!

Real life happens! 2 1/2 years ago I totaled my car when I ran it into a phone pole. I walked away "uninjured" and blessed to be alive. The next day I woke up in horrendous pain. I've lived in pain since then. Whiplash and neuropathy. No real answers. Too many pills. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with depression and put on more pills. (Most of those pills come with a weight gain side effect.) A year ago we were coping with some serious legal and financial stresses. 6 months ago we took guardianship of a 5 year old grandchild. Every physical issue, every personal, financial, familial stress makes it harder to find the energy to get up and move! And it makes it harder to insist on the need to invest time, money and energy in MY needs!

And finally ... because Amy asked me for a post ... not a book ...

The emotional stuff is hard and not all of us are willing to do it! There is a reason beyond the food we eat and the time we spend exercising for why people become morbidly obese. We, at least in my experience, have self-image issues that need to be confronted before we will ever make peace with our bodies! Some of us have histories that we have been stuffing down with the calories for decades and that is a hard habit to stop. Some of us have never know thin and healthy and have no idea what to do with it! At least fat we know how to live with. And there is a very real fear that comes into play when the person we look at in the mirror does not match who we believe ourselves to be. We long for thin and healthy but we aren't sure what that entails and not knowing is scary!

It is not easy to wake up and face a mirror, or a scale, when you have gained back the weight that you worked so hard to lose. Knowing that you need to do it again, and have no guarantee that you won't gain it back, is scary and painful. Some of them will rise up and face that challenge. I'm trying to join them!

Beth is a prolific blogger who is trying to keep up with 4 blogs in addition to a family, friends, job, and gym schedule. You can find her at Beth: A Work In Progress, Testify!, Journey to a Healthier Me, and Faith Walk.

Digital comfort

Thank you all so much for your kind words regarding the loss of my mother-in-law, Karen. Some of you are people I know in real life, people who will be quick to offer a hug or help the next we see each other. Many of you, however, are people I'll likely never see face-to-face. We've been brought together by the magical workings of the internet.

I've spent quite a bit of time over the past 24 hours reading posts on Facebook, e-mails sent directly to me, comments on the funeral home's condolence page and on the newspaper's article about Karen's legacy and I have to say I am so thankful for the "digital comfort" that has been shared.

It's been enlightening to read the words of people who knew Karen in different ways than I did. She was my mother-in-law and I saw her through the lens of "family." So many others knew her as a friend, a mentor, a teacher, a guide.

I wanted to share some of the things that have been written in various places online about Karen since her passing:

Karen loved fiercely, gave generously, and encouraged others in a way that empowered them to do more.

I worked for Leadership Evansville many years ago....I never met her but remember she was the one who made sure I had a paycheck once...what a generous soul. 

She was a bright light in this world ~ bless her.

She always impressed me as one gutsy dame ... 

Her work with children, especially cMoe, and all of her unsung, known-only-to-her kindnesses will live on. She will be missed, but the love she has spread will live on. Everyone who knew her is a better person because of her.

SHE SHOWED ME HOW MUCH ONE WOMAN CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN A COMMUNITY AND TO A PERSON. EVEN WITHOUT MANY WORDS AT THE END, SHE WAS ABLE TO SPEAK TO MY HEART. 


I'm going to be away from this blog for the next couple of days. Don't fear, though, I've got a couple of terrific guest posts lined up for you. And I'll likely check in on Facebook from time to time, because I can do that from my phone.

Thank you again for the comfort you have shared with me and with my family. It really has meant more than I would have expected to receive via a computer screen.

What the obituary will not say

My mother-in-law, Karen, passed away this morning.

I was home asleep on the couch (thank you tooth extraction) and Mike came downstairs to tell me his dad had just called. "My mom died."

We both sat there, almost in disbelief, taking in the words as they still hung in the air between us. The windows were open and I was aware of how beautiful the day outside was. I took small comfort in knowing that the day of Karen's death was one of sun and loveliness.

My tears were the first to come. They were a mix of relief that she is no longer suffering and sadness that she is gone. I called my parents, who loved Karen too, and Mike went to call his brother and a few friends. And then I turned here.

I've been contemplating how I would handle Karen's death in this space. It occurs to me that there is so much more to Karen than what her obituary will say.

The notice of her death might mention her multiple degrees. But it won't tell you that the greatest measure of Karen's brain was her emotional intelligence. She loved people and she loved making connections between people. I often joked that it would take 20 minutes to leave a restaurant because Karen would invariably stop at several tables to talk with people she knew -- and she knew EVERYONE.  Karen was the physical embodiment of Facebook before Facebook even existed.

Her obituary will most certainly include mention of her civic accomplishments, most notably her role as the founder of the Children's Museum of Evansville. It was her second greatest passion. Her first was her family. She was quick to rise up and defend her children from the time they were small and she knew no greater role than that of grandmother -- GoGo as she chose to be called.

She was not overly religious, but she was unflinchingly supportive of the fact that we choose to raise our own children in faith. And every time she pulled out of the driveway, she would toot the horn twice in front of an elderly neighbor's house and instruct her passengers to "Pray for Alma Baker."

I will be listed among her survivors, but no amount of column inches in the newspaper can begin to express how much I loved her. She has been part of my life for more than half of my years (that's what you get when you marry young). And she was my champion in my roles as wife and mother. She leaped to my defense on the Blue River when Mike was hollering at me to "look for the V" from the front of our canoe. She paid to have nearly 100 pounds of unfinished laundry carted out of my house to be washed, dried and folded by the dry cleaner. More importantly, in the recent years when our marriage has been tried, Karen stood by my side and reassured me that I was doing the right thing.

There is no way that the newsprint will be able to convey her laughter. It's one of the things I will miss the most. She'll no doubt be laughing from heaven when I say that her first question at the pearly gates is probably "What's for lunch?"

And no paper in the world would print that her favorite curse word was "F*ck," generally used in triplicate when something went wrong.

The obituary for my mother-in-law will not begin to describe who she really was. And I've probably done a miserable job trying to capture it here.

So I'll just leave it at this: Her name was Karen. And she was loved.

Linking this up with this week's Pour Your Heart Out.