10 ways to call in fat to work

Sorry boss, I can't come to work today because...

1. The button popped off my pants, ricocheted off the counter and hit me in the eye, leaving me temporarily blinded.
2. Only my shirts with the wrong-way stripes are clean.
3. My teenage daughter said leaving the house in these hip-hugging pants would be a felony.
4. My fat dress is at the dry cleaner.
5. Dunkin' Donuts was out of maple glazed and I simply can't deal.
6. Everyone left the house early and no one is left to help hoist me off the couch.
7. When I sit down, my blouse gaps between the buttons and the employee handbook clearly frowns on the showing of too much skin.
8. The Food Network is running a marathon of Cupcake Wars today.
9. I have to work on my video for the Biggest Loser auditions.
10. I'm just too fat to leave the house.