My gastronomical paradox

I'm not a great cook. (If you recall my attempt at potato soup, this statement will not surprise you.) Often I can't think of what to cook. If I do have any idea of something to cook, it's not unusual for me to be without the time or ingredients to get the dish made successfully. And if I have an idea, the time and all the food necessary, then I put dinner on the table to hear my boys groan and declare, "I'm not eating that."

So of course, what is my favorite thing to watch on TV? The Food Network. It started years ago when I got hooked on Ready, Set, Cook. Who remembers that show? That's old school Food Network. Then it was Emeril and Mario Batali. Now my list of Food Network faves includes:

Worst Cooks in America
Chef Wanted with Anne Burrell
Chopped
Food Network Challenge
Diners, Drive-ins & Dives
Next Food Network Star
Iron Chef America
Unwrapped

In a pinch, I'll watch Cupcake Wars, though it's not one that I would DVR.

I could watch food TV all day. Chopped is probably my all-time favorite. At this point, I can start to predict what flavor combinations the chefs will go for and which dishes the judges will like.

With the exception of Diners, Drive-ins & Dives and Unwrapped, all the Food Network shows I like to watch are competition shows. So maybe I like the competition more than I like the cooking? And although she hosts two of my favorite shows, I don't care for Anne Burrell. The wacky hair, the clunky shoes with the short skirts. The attitude. Not my taste (pun intended).

I LOVE Alex Guarnaschelli, especially as a judge on Chopped. I think she might have a straight-up cooking show of her own, but I don't watch it. 

And I can't watch Restaurant Impossible. Chef Robert Irvine usually finds too much gross stuff going on in the kitchens of those restaurants. It makes me not want to eat out. Not eating out means more cooking and I've already established that as something I'm not too keen on.

Are you a food TV foodie? What do you like to watch? Does that translate into good cooking?

10 ways to call in fat to work

Sorry boss, I can't come to work today because...

1. The button popped off my pants, ricocheted off the counter and hit me in the eye, leaving me temporarily blinded.
2. Only my shirts with the wrong-way stripes are clean.
3. My teenage daughter said leaving the house in these hip-hugging pants would be a felony.
4. My fat dress is at the dry cleaner.
5. Dunkin' Donuts was out of maple glazed and I simply can't deal.
6. Everyone left the house early and no one is left to help hoist me off the couch.
7. When I sit down, my blouse gaps between the buttons and the employee handbook clearly frowns on the showing of too much skin.
8. The Food Network is running a marathon of Cupcake Wars today.
9. I have to work on my video for the Biggest Loser auditions.
10. I'm just too fat to leave the house.

Peeves not pooches

Last week I was drawing a blogging blank, so I asked for suggestions on the 4th Frog Facebook page. A friend suggested I blog about my pet peeves. So Theresa, this post is for you.

Honestly, I had to think a minute about my pet peeves. I'm not even sure if these qualify. What differentiates a pet peeve from something that just bugs you? Are they one and the same? Either way, here is what stands on my last nerve with size 13 work boots:

1. Intelligent, educated people using ghetto language. For instance, a bright 15-year-old girl I know will write on her Facebook page: Qurl, which I think translates to "Girl." So why not just write the obvious?
2. Arrogant chefs on Food Network's Chopped. Why are they always young and male?
3. A chalkboard or dry erase board that is almost, but not totally, erased. One little half-inch stray mark left on the board somewhere drives me bananas -- so much so that I've been known to get up and erase it.
4. Compulsive channel flippers. Pick a show and watch it. Even during the commercials. 
5. Serial interrupters. Let people finish a sentence or two, will you? 

That's not too bad is it? How about you? What are your pet peeves?

Just me, the dog and Chopped

Dateline 4th Frog House -- 4:29am -- I'm awake. So is the dog. We're watching Chopped on DVR. I love this show, though I've seen this episode before. They can only use grills. Not my favorite episode, but good enough for insomnia.

Actually, I'm not sure this counts as insomnia. This is more child-induced sleeplessness, as in Robbie is in my bed, taking up 3/4 of the king size mattress. So I came downstairs to sleep on the couch only to find Charlie sleeping in my spot there. Arrrgh!

Looking on the bright side, it gives me a chance to catch up on a little blogging.

The boys have 1.5 days of school left, though truthfully, I think everyone has pretty much checked out already. We usually go to school past Memorial Day, but for some reason this year it seems that we should have ended before then. Maybe because most of the public schools did.

Annie starts summer school on Wednesday. She's taking gym this session. In July, she'll be taking a math class. I'm hoping it's a good introduction to the school and she'll make some friends before school starts in August.

Speaking of Annie, now she's awake and down here, too. I might sneak up and lay down in her bed. Unlike Charlie's, which is rock hard, Annie's bed is enticingly soft and comfy.

I'm thinking we're going to have to set up some rules/guidelines for summer. I can already see chaos ruling. Kids thinking they can stay up until whenever. Kids sleeping all over the house. Kids thinking they can sleepovers every night. I'll have to enlist Mike's help in making the rules since he'll be the one enforcing them.

Speaking of Mike, he had a job interview on Friday. Please say a little prayer that he makes it to the next round. Please say a big prayer that ultimately he is offered the job.

Oh! Commercial for The Next Food Network Star. It starts tonight. I love that show! For someone who is culinarily challenged, I sure like to watch other people  cook on TV.

Ugh. The search function on this blog is not working. I just tried to find a previous post to demonstrate how bad of a cook I am and the search didn't work. I also need to work on the links at the top of the page. NOW, DON'T GO CLICKING THERE. There's nothing there yet. Add it to the to-do list.

The problem with watching Food Network in the middle of the night? Now I'm hungry! But I will not eat. Well, maybe some watermelon. That wouldn't be too bad, right?

Speaking of food, you should see our garden. It's big and leafy. I should have snapped a few pics when I was there. I'm going to have to transplant the zucchini. It's giant and overshadowing some of the peppers and something else I can't remember what it is. Maybe snow peas? My spices are doing well. So are the tomato plants. I need to get some tomato cages to support those. I can't wait until we have fresh veggies from the garden. Next year, I'll be smarter about planting some early harvest things so we don't have to wait so long for some bounty

My MIL's birthday was Friday. She would have be 69. We're doing pretty well. I found myself wishing she could have been with us to celebrate Annie's graduation. Mike's dad seems to be doing ok, too. His grandmother, however, is having a hard time with Karen being gone. She just turned 92 last week. And on Friday night, her best friend, who was 95, died. My heart just aches for her.

Chopped is just about over, so I'll wrap this up. I'm going to have a giveaway coming up soon. Chex Mix Muddy Buddies. Trust me, this is one delicious giveaway. More on that later today. For now, I'm off to find somewhere to sleep.

Do you know this man?

 

My kids think he is the next best thing to Santa Claus. He's the AT&T service guy who came to hook up cable to our two TVs this afternoon.

The great cable-free experiment lasted almost five months. If it were up to me, we would have continued on with only local channels, Netflix and Hulu. But I was outnumbered and after 17 years of marriage I know which battles to spend my energy on.

To be fair, it seemed that every time there was a football game on we wanted to watch, the signal would blink and freeze and blur. What's worse, the local channels we could receive did not include the one channel that shows most of the Butler Bulldog games. And not having cable made me realize just how few good shows there are for the post-PBS Kids set. Regular TV offers either shows meant for very young viewers or shows for grownups. Not a lot in between -- though I don't intend to give up our Wheel of Fortune habit.

So, we are once again a cable-watching family. We have the basic package which includes The Food Network (oh, how I've missed Chopped!), but oddly does not include TLC, so if the Duggars have any more kids I won't be able to keep up. 

Probably the best part about the return of the cable -- aside from the whining of the kids stopping -- is that I have my DVR back. I've already set it to record Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, The Middle, Modern Family, Chopped and Iron Chef America. 

We gave it the good ol' college try, but I guess it just goes to show you can take the family out of the cable habit, but you just can't take the cable out of the family.