CPAP, seriously

In my last post, I shared some comical truths about using a CPAP machine to treat sleep apnea. I also shared a ridiculously unflattering photo of myself (though, I do admit the jammies were cute), which should prove clearly that sleep apnea can cause a person to lose some brain cells.

But, I do want to circle back and talk briefly about why treatment for sleep apnea is so important. Make no mistake -- I hate using a CPAP machine. There are some times when I put off going to bed just because I don't want to put that $#*@&# mask on. However, I'm caught in a hate-love quandry: I hate the machine but I love breathing. So, for that, I go to bed looking like Mrs. Snufalufagus.

Besides keeping me breathing -- here are the other things CPAP therapy can do for a person:

1. Reduce the strain of oxygen deprivation on your heart. Those momentary pauses without oxygen cause your blood pressure to go up, which is hard on your heart.
2. Make you more feel more rested...because you are. That's what happens when you're not waking up 79 times (+/-) an hour.
3. Make you more alert in your waking hours. Even on the nights I don't get as many hours of sleep as I should, I feel so much more alert, more mentally with it than I did when I would "sleep" more hours without the CPAP machine.
4. Possibly (hopefully) help fight the battle of the bulge. Maybe it's just me, but when I'm tired, I eat more during the day, especially sugary stuff that might give me a surge of energy. And losing weight, if you are overweight, almost always improves sleep apnea. So said the doc.
5. Reduce acid reflux. The pulmonologist explained to me that when you inhale hard several times, gasping for air (which is what happens those 79 times an hour), it loosens the grip of the sphincter muscle at the bottom of the esophagus. That allows stomach acids to make their way back up which is no fun and over the long-term can lead to a pre-cancerous condition called Barrett's esophagus. 
6. Improve your marriage because your spouse won't be so crabby at you for snoring all night long. And you won't be so crabby at everyone around you because you won't be so flipping tired. Seriously, the doctor said they see symptoms of depression improve in people who start CPAP therapy for sleep apnea.

I wear contact lenses that you can sleep in. One thing I've noticed since starting to use the CPAP machine is that my eyes seem much more "gummy" in the morning. I have to wonder if that's because I'm spending more time in deeper REM-stage sleep. I may have to start taking my contact lenses out when I go to bed, but at least I'll be awake enough in the morning to put them back in.

So, my public service announcement of the night is this: If you think you might have sleep apnea -- if you never feel rested, if you snore so much that you bother others or even wake yourself up (guilty), if you wake up with a sore throat or a swollen uvula (that hanging thing at the back of your throat) -- talk to your doctor about having a sleep study done. If nothing else, consider it a chance to get a night to yourself. You can read about my sleep study, complete with crazy wired up pictures, here.

The truth about using a CPAP machine

You might remember that shortly before the New Year, I had a sleep study done. The results came back and declared that I have severe sleep apnea. Well, let me clarify, "severe" sleep apnea is defined as more than 30 awakenings, or "arousals" as they are called, in one hour. On the night of my test, I averaged 79 arousals..in one hour. That's "how-am-I-not-dead-yet-severe sleep apnea."

So, I've been using a CPAP machine. CPAP stands for continuous positive airway pressure -- or in other words, "let's force air down your throat all night long so you keep breathing." This is not my first experience with CPAP. I used a machine several years ago and then got out of the habit. But it is my first time blogging about it. And there are a few things I'd like to share.

This is me, wearing my favorite polka dot jammies, with my CPAP mask on (I think all these years of oxygen deprivation have caused me to lose any sense of dignity.):



And here are some truths about using a CPAP machine:

1. The use of a CPAP machine may stop nocturnal arousals of the oxygen-depriving kind, but it very likely will stop any other kind of arousals that take place in the bedroom. Seriously, I don't think this is going to be a look you'll see at Frederick's of Hollywood anytime soon. 
2. While the crazy-looking mask might be a turn-off to your spouse, it also helps keep the kids from climbing in your bed at night because the look of you with the mask on in a dark room is way worse than any bad dreams they might have had.
3. If those same children decide they want to dress up as an elephant, fighter pilot or vacuum cleaner for Halloween, you're all set. 
4. The first time you try to get up to pee and are so sleepy that you forget you've got the mask attached to your face and also attached to the unit on your nightstand is not something you'll be interested in repeating.
5. If your spouse complained about your snoring before you got the CPAP machine and then complains about the minor noise the machine itself makes, I'm pretty sure the judge will go easy on you at the sentencing hearing. 
6. If you wore a headgear to bed when you were younger and hated it, you might feel the same way about the CPAP mask.
7. The days of jumping up, throwing on some clothes and heading out the door without a shower are pretty much gone because the straps for the mask create some wicked bedhead. Unless of course you long ago lost your sense of dignity (see above) and you don't really care about leaving home with your hair all jacked up.
8. You will still feel like crap in the morning if you don't go to bed until 2am, even if those 4 hours of sleep you're getting is oxygen rich. This thing is a machine, not a miracle worker. 

Biggest Loser: Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down

 

Tonight was Week 2 on The Biggest Loser. I thought there were some highs and some lows. Let's call them Thumbs Up and Thumbs Down. 

Thumbs Up:

• Dolvett. Just because he is.
• "The girls may have Bob and Dolvett. But I've got a hot nutritionist. I'll listen to whatever you tell me." - Jeremy upon being introduced to the nutritionist
• The outdoor patio area being called "the prison yard." Did I hear that right? That's awesome.
• Roy and Christine. Just seeing Santa and Mrs. Claus makes me smile. 
• No one threw up on camera today.
• Mafia Mike went home. I think had he stayed there would just be continuous friction.
• Mafia Mike does look a lot like Alec Baldwin.
• Minimal (any?) product placements
• The fast-forwarding of some of the weigh in

Thumbs Down:

• Kimmy and Kim's wild assumption that their team could lose 94 pounds in week 2.
• Dr. H. said Joe has an "advanced case of sleep apnea," waking more than 70 times an hour. In my recent sleep study, I was waking 79 times per hour. Doesn't exactly make me feel like I'm in good company.
• Bob getting mad at Dolvett in the gym. This is not about you, Bob. Keep your focus on the people you're trying to help.
• A small tray of sushi has as many carbs as 5 slices of white bread and 300 calories? Waaaaahhh!
• Conda is still on the ranch. She conjures up memories of Vicki. (I wonder if there's a Heba hiding in the ranks.) 
• Facial hair. Seriously? It's only week 2 and it's already getting out of control. 
• Alison stirring the pot to encourage the arguing in the elimination room. 
• Bob's leggings under the shorts look. Show off the legs, Bob. 

Do you have anything to add?

More numbers

Yesterday I wrote about 2012 just being a number. And I'm sticking by that.

But today, there are more numbers. Numbers that are more significant to me than a simple change on the calendar.

The first number I encountered was my waking blood sugar level. It's been a long time since I've tested my blood sugar. But lately, I've been noticing some small signs that have let me know that my blood sugar is not well-controlled. That's no big surprise given all the pre-holiday, holiday, and post-holiday eating I've been doing.

This morning when I woke up, I went with the whole knowledge is power idea and pricked my finger for a little diagnostic medicine before breakfast. 165. Not terrible. My doctor likes to see it below 100 first thing in the morning. But not great either. Good to know either way. I tested it a few other times during the day and got similar not bad/not great results.

Then tonight, I got a call from the doctor at the sleep clinic. I have sleep apnea. Well, yes. I knew that based on the fact that they put me on CPAP two hours into my sleep study last week. He explained to me that people with mild sleep apnea wake, momentarily, 5 to 15 times per hour. Those with moderate sleep apnea have the same wakings 15 to 30 times per hour. Anything above that is considered severe.

Being the chronic overachiever that I am, I scored an impressive 79 arousals per hour. Quite frankly, I'm pretty darn impressed I've been able to get done anything during the day considering I'm probably actually only getting a fraction of the sleep I thought I was getting. All kidding aside, there are plenty of reasons beyond fatigue to treat sleep apnea.

And so, I'll be making some health and lifestyle changes. I'm not setting big goal. I'm just committed to taking a more active role in my own health. To check my blood sugar daily. To use a CPAP machine nightly. Not because the calendar now reads 2012. But because I'd like to live to see the calendar read 2013, 2014, 2015 and beyond.

Adventures in sleep

On Wednesday night I had a sleep study. I've done plenty of studying in near states of sleep, but sleep was actually the point of this endeavor.

I'm not a stranger to the world of sleep study. I had one about 5 years ago, which resulted in me becoming the owner of a space-age looking CPAP machine. But I'd gotten away from using the machine after I lost a good amount of weight. Since I've found all that weight again, I found myself doing the wakefulness and near-choking that comes with sleep apnea. My fatigue had gotten so bad that I actually pulled the machine out to use again.

That would have been a great idea, except now the machine makes a really loud and annoying noise. Mike actually said he'd rather hear my snoring. So I called the sleep clinic to find out how to fix it or get a new one. Of course, they couldn't talk to me without a referral from my doctor. So I called my doc who said that since my study was so long ago, she wanted me to have another one. It was like one of those books -- "If You Give a Girl a CPAP Machine..."

So, all that resulted in me checking in to the sleep clinic at 8pm on Wednesday night. I packed light -- jammies, toothbrush and two books to read. I used the jammies and the toothbrush, but the books stayed in the bag once I found The Holiday (Jack Black's best role ever!) on the Lifetime Channel. My mother would have been appalled, though, that my pajama shirt had two small holes in it. I think wearing jammies with holes in them to a sleep study is somewhat akin to having dirty underwear on when you get into a car accident.

For you mommies or wives or women in general who need a little getaway, may I recommend a sleep study. I mean check out this room built for relaxation:


Ok. So there is no jacuzzi tub or in-room massage (both of which I'm going to recommend on my satisfaction survey). But there is a clean room with no dirty laundry on the floor, a television that only turns to Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network if you want it to, and absolutely no way for an 8-year-old to climb into your bed during the night.

And there is a Sleep Number bed. Is that brilliant marketing or what? Here you have a captive audience of people who are clamoring for a good night's sleep, so why not give them a bed that's custom comfort? The most firm setting is 100. One of my FB friends suggested that I try a level 5 just for kicks. As she said, it's like trying to climb out of a deflated raft. It turns out that my sleep number is somewhere around 55.


 About an hour after I got settled in, Sheila came in to get me hooked up. Talk about being wired for sleep! I think I had a dozen or so wires pasted to various parts of my body.

Then there were the chest straps to measure my breaths, the microphone on my throat to record my snoring (as if I snore!), and the wires going up my nose. I snapped a few pics of myself pre-nasal wires. It's a lovely look, I know.





Once my movie was over, I was ready to sleep. After a few tests of the equipment -- Sheila called them in over the intercom -- it was snoozeville. I fell asleep pretty easily (I always do), but woke and tossed and turned several times over the next two hours.

At about 1:30am, Sheila came in to hook me up to the CPAP machine, which they do for people with "severe apnea episodes." No big surprise there. She set me up with a this mask that just plugged right into my nostrils. Not too bad. But then she asked if I was a mouth-breather. Well, duh, aren't all people who snore? So that earned me a chin strap to keep my mouth closed and another back of the head velcro something or other. I was really sleepy, but I distinctly remember thinking "Being fat is so not worth all of this."

Once the CPAP was set up, I fell back to sleep within a few minutes. And then I SLEPT. No waking. No coughing. No tossing. No turning.

When Kevin, the night supervisor, came in to wake me, I felt good! I would have felt better if it was 8am instead of 6:30am -- seriously, for what that night's sleep probably cost me (or at least my insurance company), I should have gotten to stay 'til 11am with a room service breakfast). But still, I felt remarkably rested. As he was removing all my electrodes, he stepped back and said "Oh! I forgot you have blue hair." We both got a chuckle out of that and I told him how the blue hair came about. He said "When I saw your blue hair when you came in, I thought to myself 'I bet that lady's fun.'" Love it!

I asked how often I was waking per hour. I got the coy "You had several wakeful arousals, but your doctor will get the specific results in the next week." I hate that. It's my information for crying out loud. I know for sure that cozying up with a CPAP machine is in my future.

Who me? Snore?

Allegedly, I snore.

Oh, all right. I admit it. I DO snore sometimes. I know this because I have, on occasion, woken myself up with my own snore.

My snoring seems to be tied to my weight. Once I hit a certain weight (and no, I won't tell you what it is), the snoring gets worse. It's not just snoring, but officially sleep apnea. I have a CPAP machine that I am supposed to use to help maintain my airway while I sleep.

It's been quite a long time since I've used my CPAP machine. When I lost 30 pounds, the snoring issue was gone, as was the waking with a headache and the crushing fatigue. However, in recent months, it's become apparent that I need the CPAP machine again -- or so Mike says.

Last night he took the boys sledding -- on one condition. That I would use my CPAP machine. My snoring has been keeping him awake at night, though I'm not sure why. I sleep through it just fine. I agreed to use the machine.

So when I went to bed at 1am last night, I took the time to wash out the tubing, the fighter pilot-looking mask, and the water reservoir. It took me about 10 or 15 minutes to fall asleep, getting used to continuous flow of air and the soft hum of the machine.

When I woke up this morning, I rolled over to find Mike already out of bed. He was asleep in Robbie's bed.

"What are you doing in here?," I asked.

"Your CPAP machine was making noise and I couldn't sleep," he yawned.

Some days, you just can't win.

I am awake and fat.

It's 12:18am and I am awake. Wanna know why I'm awake? Because the machine that's supposed to help me get better quality sleep was choking me with the air it was forcing into my nose and down my throat. And because every time I turned over to try to get into a more comfortable position, the vacuum hose that connects my face to the machine would pull taut and yank me back like a dog on a leash. Think those old Tom and Jerry cartoons where Spike would try to chase Tom when he was still chained to his dog house.

This is the second mask I've tried. The first one made me look like a rebel fighter from Star Wars. While that may have piqued my husband's interest in me, it didn't do much for my sleep habits. So I switched to a smaller, nose-only mask that, if I open my mouth, makes me sound like Darth Vader breathing. Again with the Star Wars similarities. I wonder if George Lucas has money in these things?

Wanna know why I torture myself with this crazy machine? Because I'm fat, so fat that I stop breathing momentarily during the night. It's really just for a nanosecond or so, but long enough that my brain wakes me up and says, "Hey chubby, breathe." After all that waking and falling asleep and not breathing and waking again, I can emerge from a "full" night's sleep feeling like I haven't gotten any sleep at all. I understand the argument behind the concept of sleep apnea. But part of me can't help but think it's just the latest socially acceptable ailment to have. Like everyone whose anyone has sleep apnea and a cpap machine to go with it.

My doctor told me that once I got my cpap machine, I'd probably begin to lose weight because I (theoretically) would be sleeping better, which would mean more energy for exercise and less desire for caffeine and sugar to pull myself out of exhaustion every few hours of the day. Nice theory, but so far, the only thing I've lost is the ability to sleep in a comfortable position. So here I am -- awake and fat.

I've been fat for nearly 30 years, if memory serves me correctly. And I don't mind saying it because what's the point of denying it when it's right there in front of -- and behind -- me. It's not that I haven't tried to lose weight. Like many people of ample size, I've tried a million diets:

* The one-bowl diet. Eat whatever you want, but you can only use one bowl. Guess they should have specified the size of the bowl.

* The cabbage soup diet. It's not my fault that my great-grandmother's cabbage soup recipe calls for potatoes, butter and sausage.

* Nutri-system. They actually pay me not to tell anyone I was ever associated with them (Oops. There goes this month's check.)

* The grapfruit diet. Virtually impossible for anyone with severe acid reflux, which is aggravated by citrus fruits, and which is often a side effect of -- c'mon, say it with me -- being fat.

* Weight Watchers. Anyone who tells you "nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" has never tried a double scoop of Maggie Moo's dark chocolate and cinnamoo ice cream mixed with almonds on a waffle cone.

* South Beach Diet. This one might have worked, except it wasn't in my budget to buy a side of beef every two weeks.

I've considered weight loss surgery. But I like food and hate expulsive bodily functions too much.

I even spent four months getting up insanely early to go to a fitness bootcamp. I thought for sure that would be the key to shedding a few pounds. I enjoyed it, though I did notice after I started coming to class regularly, the instructor started toting one of those portable defibrillators along with her. At the end of four months, my big transformation? I gained 3 pounds -- I guess must be true that muscle weighs more than fat.

So here I am. Still fat -- and still awake. Think I'll go see if there's a Richard Simmons infommercial on.