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Thursday, March 19, 2009

Madness

Today's topic, Class, is madness. Not as in mental instability, but as in the state of being mad -- ANGER. Though, I suppose it's true that anger can lead to mental instability. I could have called this post "Anger," but the term "Madness" seemed more enticing.

Anger is so consuming. It needles its way into my thoughts when I should be thinking of something else. It raises my blood pressure and makes me wish I hadn't forgotten to take my medicine today. It squinches up my mouth into a sour pucker. It makes me tired.

Anger is physical. It is tightness in the chest and clenched fists and feeling the need to hit or kick or tear something.

Anger is sometimes quick and then over. Someone cutting me off in traffic. A parent from the opposing soccer team saying something not very sportsmanlike. And sometimes anger is lingering, layered on over time, fusing itself into my very existence.

Anger is manipulative. It gets my heart into a shouting match with my head. My heart says "let it go, forgive." My head says "you deserve to be angry; you deserve to make that other person pay for what they did."

Anger is in some ways protective. It constructs a solid wall around the heart, saying "no one can hurt you if they can't get in." Except what anger doesn't tell you is that by not letting people in, the heart withers.

And so there is a choice. Rise above the hurt and forgive. Or give in to the anger, enjoy the temporary satisfaction it brings, and add another brick to the wall.

Sometimes I hate choosing.

4 comments:

Marci said...

I love all your posts on whatever you are experiencing..Alot of times I feel exactly what you are writing and I feel overwhelmed that someone feels the same way....I am praying for you...Love, Marci

Momza said...

Ahhhh Your post helped me to remember that Anger is a waste of time...don't do it! Better ways to sort thru life's junk than to let myself get angry over it...thanks for the reminder!

Liz said...

I hear you loud and clear!!

I think that emotional reactions happen. I think that how we respond to them is our choice. The volume and depth of the impact may make that decision hard to make, of course. But somewhere within me is the ability to control that much of the situation. And sometimes knowing I have that control brings me a little peace, too.

And I try really hard to remember to turn to God in prayer when I'm angry, too. And try to choose love in my actions.

{{{hugs}}}

Micah and Emily said...

More often than not I add the brick to to wall...even though I know it will be a complete unproductive waste of time and positive energy...keeping space for what is truly important in my mind and heart helps me to keep life and its sometimes less than desirable encounters or situations, in perspective.

E