Dear Indiana Department of Transportation:
I just traveled halfway across the state via Interstate 70. For about 1/3 of the trip, I had to pee. It didn't help that road construction meant that it would take me one whole hour to go 8 miles. I seriously considered getting out of the car and relieving myself on the side of the road, but I was worried about headlights shining on my large, white posterior. So, I have a few suggestions to share with you.
- It would be great if you could let travelers know when they buy a large Diet Coke at McDonald's that there will be road construction in about 30 miles, so they can decide to a.) get out of the car and go potty right then, b.) order a smaller size or c.) hit the gas station across the street to pick up a pair of Pampers in case a bladder emergency arises.
- Put a sign in big blinking lights that says "last exit before you will be stuck in traffic for an hour," so that drivers have the option of getting off the highway at that point to follow a different route and find a bathroom, if necessary.
- Set up his and hers port-a-potties every 1/2 mile or so in the construction zone for the comfort of those who just sucked down a large Diet Coke to keep themselves awake during the nighttime drive.
- Offer entertainment. Road construction creates jobs, I know. Think of how many starving musicians could be employed if you hired them to play on the side of the highway in crawling construction zones. Besides, music takes people's minds off their troubles, like having an urgent need to go to the bathroom.
- Give away bags of popcorn. Again, job creation. Plus, how can people stopped in traffic be crabby when someone is handing them a free bag of popcorn. And the salt in the popcorn might buy some very critical minutes for people who might have had too much Diet Coke to drink before hitting the construction zone.
- Actually have people working in the construction sites. Nothing is more infuriating than sitting, sitting, sitting in traffic; doing the slow, painful lane merge; and driving past the construction site to see nothing (or even very little) construction happening. Especially when you have to pee.
The 4th Frog