You may have noticed there is a new refrigerator in the kitchen. You can tell it's new because it's clean. Really clean. Straight from the factory and passed over with soapy water clean.
Much like the rules that are declared, though not always successfully followed, when a new car is in the driveway, there are some rules that you should take note of for this new fridge.
- There are 3 doors on this fridge, as opposed to 2 on the old one. Unless you are actively selecting something to eat or drink, these doors must remain closed. All the way.
- Condiments belong in those handy shelves in the doors. Not haphazardly shoved in the first spot your eyes land on.
- There will be no sticky, drippy bottles of ketchup, jelly, salad dressing or anything else allowed in the fridge. If it's sticky or drippy, wipe it off -- with a wet paper towel, not on your shirt.
- Almost as bad as sticky bottles of ketchup and jelly are empty ones. If it's empty, throw it away. The same goes for milk. If there's not enough for at least a small bowl of cereal, drink the rest and throw the jug away.
- Speaking of milk, there will be no drinking straight from the gallon. (I realize this is not exactly a refrigerator rule, but thought I would take the opportunity to sneak in the reminder.)
- All leftovers will be covered. No one wants to open the refrigerator and see your pizza sitting on a plate out in the open. God invented foil and Saran wrap for a reason.
- If you spill it, clean it up.
- Those orange and red and green things that are in the bottom drawers? They're called vegetables. Eat some from time to time. (Again, not a fridge rule, but related enough.)
- This fridge has an ice maker and water dispenser in the door. Yes, the control panel with it's glowing blue lights looks something like you might have seen in a Star Trek movie. No, you may not push the buttons just to hear the sounds. (Mike, I'm talking to you here.)
- It is my hope that this refrigerator will be a beacon of health. It will not be tainted by slice and bake cookie dough, tubs of cake frosting, real mayonnaise, bacon, full-fat cheese or premium ice cream. That's what the garage refrigerator is for.