I'm having one of those days. You know the kind where everyone else has it better/easier/more fun than you. I know I should be grateful for my blessings. I know I am a lot better off than a lot of people. I KNOW, ok?! But I'm still greenish.I'm jealous of those moms whose "only" job is to be a wife and mother. Who aren't the one always turning in the permission slip 3 days past the deadline because I couldn't figure out what I did with it. Who actually have time to go grocery shopping AND cook all that food before it spoils. (And who know how to cook.)
I'm resentful of those women who eat PopTarts for breakfast, Cheetos for lunch and whatever they want for dinner, but still can fit into clothes from the juniors department. I wish I didn't know what it felt like to want to call in "fat" to work.
I'm envious of those people who leave work at the end of the day, pick up their kiddos and go home. And STAY HOME, instead of leaving work only to plant their butt in a chair at home two to six hours later.
I'm solicitous of people who get mani/pedis on a regular basis. I'm jealous of people who walk into the store, buy whatever they want without giving a thought to sales or coupons or what's left to pay that month.
I'm covetous of ladies who lunch and couples who go away on vacations together and people who journal with multi-colored Sharpies, filling the pages with gorgeous doodles.
Yes, yes. I AM blessed. I have wonderful kids who make me laugh. A husband who asks how my day is going. I have a flexible job with co-workers I honestly like. I have a house and a car and no worries about where my next meal will come from.
But some days, the green-eyed monster just oozes out and I can't help myself. Which reminds me. I'm jealous of people who are content.
Note: I found the green-eyed monster pic on a blog called The Ladle Is Half Full. Her post on this same topic is worth a read. Same idea, less whine.
7 comments:
you are human
you are loved
.
I think most of us struggle with that on some level. I know I do.
"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Write that down.
Say it in your head a few times,
then say it outloud too.
You are Enough.
You have Enough.
You do Enough to Be Enough.
Enough said!
I have those moments too.
However, I'll pat myself on the back and say I never misplaced a permission slip because I'd always sign them and turn them right back in...
Oh, and can I tell you, as a teacher I know this, my SAHMs do NOT always get things turned in on time...
Amy--Believe it or not, you have just published the exact description of how I've felt lately. Some days I don't know which is worse... fielding all the "I wish..." thoughts that float through my head or the overwhelming guilt I have over even thinking those things and appearing ungrateful for the blessings I have.
We, my DG sister, are sitting in the same sailboat right now. :)
Believe me, the grass is just as GREEN on the other side. I still misplace permission slips, have spoiled food in my fridge, and still get incredulous looks when I say I am going in for my semi-annual pedi. I don't even try to do the finger nails. I wish, even though I am a Stay At Home Mom, I was able to stay at home more. I think between the farm and my tendency to volunteer myself at school, I am gone far more than I thought I would be. If I was still teaching, I would be typing this from Wabash Valley Institute, Heavy on the INSTITUTE! I miss the check and the independence, but I know I couldn't help on the farm, be a good mom, and be a good teacher all in one day. It's such a hard choice no matter which slice of bread you land on. Hang in there! Green is one of my favorite colors! :-)
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