10 things I have to say about "Moms Night Out" (the movie)

Last night I had the opportunity to attend a preview screening of "Moms Night Out." I didn't know much about it, but free movie? I'm in!

It turns out the movie stars Patricia Heaton and Trace Adkins (who I couldn't have picked out of a lineup, but was at least a name I'd heard of), among others who I vaguely recognized but couldn't name. The premise is stressed out Mommy invites two other moms -- a BFF and their pastor's wife (Heaton) -- out for a much needed night on the town. Chaos and hilarity ensue.

What do you need to know about this movie?

1. I puffy heart Patricia Heaton. I know I'm not really the kind of person who goes around saying "puffy heart," but she is the Hollywood everymom isn't she? Everybody Loves Raymond, The Middle, now this movie. I just love her. She is definitely going on my Pinterest "People I would invite to dinner" board.

2. This movie made me definitely glad to be past the sippy cup and markers on the wall stage.

3. I thought the fathers in the movie were a little too incompetent. Yes, when Annie was a baby I couldn't leave her with Mike without him calling me 17 times while I was gone, but even he wasn't as bad as the dads in the movie were made out to be. I chalk it up to exaggeration for comedy's sake.

4. The baby is OK. There was one point in the movie where I was getting stressed out about the welfare of baby who had gone temporarily missing. But just at the point where I was about to stand up and scream at the screen, they let the audience know the baby was safe. The mom didn't find out until quite a while later.

5. My minivan is cool enough to have made it into this movie. #trendsetter


6. Unbeknownst to me, I'm kind of hot for Trace Adkins. He plays a biker-dude-tattoo-artist named Bones, but I think it was his voice (no singing, just talking) that turned my knees a little jello-ish. Pretty sure I'd let him sing me to sleep any time.

7. The movie is produced by Provident Films, which is a Christian film-making company. So there are a couple of (I'm thinking exactly 2) God-heavy parts. That didn't bother me; I love me some Jesus, but some of it seemed a little forced.

8. I was confused by the draw of the eagle video, until Allyson explained it to Bones and then I was all "Oh, yes! Yes." I even teared up. You'll have to see the movie to know what I'm talking about.

9. When I go for Moms Night Out (the thing moms do, not the movie), I wear jeans and head with friends to the nearest Mexican restaurant for chips & salsa and margaritas. I do not, and have not once, dressed up in sparkly shoes and a fantastic dress for a 4-star dinner. Also, if my husband saw me dressed like that to go out, he totally would have hit on me and made some reference to a little "Mom's (and Dad's) Night In" action. I was waiting for Allyson's husband to go there and thought it was odd he didn't.

10. One thing I wish the movie had represented was the experience and challenges of the working mom. It was the one voice I thought was missing.

11. (Bonus) Go. "Moms Night Out" opens Mother's Day weekend. It's family-friendly, rated PG. No bad language. No sex. I think kids could appreciate the humor, but I'd be more inclined to make it a true MNO or a date night.

If you go, let me know what you think.

Note: I received a free ticket to attend this movie screening, but was not required to write this post. All opinions -- including my thoughts about Trace Adkins and his deep, music-to-my-ears voice -- are my own.

Oh the pressure of the New Year

The beginning of a new year…oh, the possibility of a blank slate, the potential of dreams yet unfulfilled, the pressure to do it right. When Mike left for college, his very well-meaning grandfather stood in the driveway, waved goodbye and called out, "DO EVERYTHING RIGHT!" That's what the New Year feels like to me.

The New Year kind of stresses me out. Not in the way it stressed out my mother-in-law, who wouldn't go anywhere after 5pm on December 31 because "everyone out there is drunk driving." What stresses me out is the pressure to perform. 

Lose weight.

Spend less.

Save more. 

Have a cleaner house. 

Eat like a caveman. 

Reduce your carbon footprint. 

Pray more. 

None of those things are bad. No one would argue that any of them would lead to bad things. But the bandwagons that are circling for those things make me more nervous than a kid whose needle-wielding doctor just said "this won't hurt...much."

It's not that I don't see areas of my life which could use improvement. It's that I see too many areas that are begging for attention. Lose weight. Spend less. Save more. Be more organized. Be present more. Pray more. Covet less. 

Maybe I need to get more comfortable with the idea of goal-setting. Maybe I need to be better about creating a plan by which to reach a goal. Maybe I need to print signs -- "encouragements" for you Fault in Our Stars fans  -- to hang around the house. Would any of that make me embrace the possibility of the New Year any more than I do?

Last year, I decided that in the New Year I wanted to simply be kind, spread joy. I think I succeeded for the most part, extending kindness outward. 

This year, I'm feeling a pull to turning inward, focusing on our family, our interactions with one another, our stewardship of those things which we've been given. Maybe its the realization that we really only have Annie at home for another 18 months. Maybe its a natural tendency to gather my people in when they are, quite naturally, moving into circles further from our home base. 

I don't have any real resolutions to offer, just an awareness of a direction in which I want to move. No pressure. 

I don't need a press release to tell me about stress relief

A few days ago, I received this PR pitch in my e-mail:

I thought to myself, "I don't need an expert to tell me how to release my stress. I have up-close-and-personal experience with that all by myself." So today, I'm going to tell you how to release stress in less than 5 minutes without buying someone's book.

Eat something. Today is National Donut Day, but a donut -- or 3 -- can make stress disappear right quick. Another good choice is a chocolate frosted brownie. Ice cream is always helpful, too. You can try to harness the stress-relieving power of carrots if you'd like, but I can't promise results.

Throw a hissy fit. Stomp your feet. Bang your hands. Scream. Cry. Blurt out whatever words make you feel better.  If "Oh pickles!" is the phrase that pays in your stress relief, holler it with gusto.

Color. Grab some crayons and paper and color. I don't know if it's the rhythm of moving the crayon  back and forth across the paper or if it's the satisfaction of smashing wax against something, but I find coloring helps when I am stressed.

Swing. Quick! Find the nearest playground and hop on a swing. Pump your legs, breathe in the air as you lean back, exhale as you swing forward. Works every time. Unless it's raining. Then it might just add to your stress. Also, if you have a violent streak and might be tempted to kick over some little kid running in front of your swing, head to the bakery instead. (See above: Eat something.)

Pray: My priest will be happy that I included this option in my list. Praying that God will come and annihilate whomever it is that is causing you stress probably won't be very fruitful. But praying for peace, calm, understanding, or strength is a good idea.

Fart. Let's be honest. Sometimes stress gets you right in the gut. Let a big, stinky one rip and chances are you'll feel much better.

What are your favorite ways to relieve stress?

Could Sarah Jessica Parker play me in a movie?

Ok, so maybe I'm not your typical "Sex & the City" type. But SJP's latest movie is "I Don't Know How She Does It," a comedy about a working mother.  That could be me. Well, the much skinnier, longer haired version of me. Or you, if you find yourself with a to-do list longer than the line at the ladies room at the movie theater.

Let me just say right now that this post will probably make someone angry. Men for one. My husband probably. I know. They work hard, they take care of kids, blah blah blah. But in most situations, we wives do more. More laundry. More cooking. More grocery shopping. More calendar finessing. I know it. You know it. The American people know it. (That's a quote from a movie I don't have time to Google right now.)

The other people who might get mad at this post are stay-at-home-moms, affectionately known on message boards across the internet as SAHMs. I've been a SAHM and I've been (am now) a working mom. And I'm here to tell you that working moms have the harder job. For realz.

I'll spare you the details on my to-do list; you probably have a similar one. But suffice it to say I've entered one of those periods of time where when my body gives out at night, my brain keeps on churning.

Where the heck is life's PAUSE button? All moms (all women!) need one from time to time.

When Annie was a baby and I was a SAHM, my PAUSE button came in the form of donating platelets at the local blood center. At the time, the process took about two hours and you could pick a movie to watch while laying there. Now they've sped up the process, so you can't count on as much relaxation time. Besides, some people don't consider being stuck with a needle relaxing.

So now what? Now, enter Eversave and its "Back to Beauty" promotion. Eversave surveyed over 700 moms and 35% said they find time for themselves once a month and their preferred way to spend that time is pampering themselves with manicures, pedicures, facials and other spa treatments.

In cities all over the United States, Eversave is offering great "me time" deals. The deal in my area is $29 for a mani-pedi from The Spa at Salon D’Va in Avon ($76 value). Eversave was nice enough to give me one for myself and one to give away to a blog reader. Plus, the lucky reader who wins this Save will also get $20 in Save Rewards added to her Eversave account.

If you don't live in Indianapolis, check out the blog carnival hosted at Mom Generations for other participating cities. Trust me. Winning this Save will be more fun than donating blood. (Though that's a totally worthwhile activity and one you should definitely put on your to-do list.)

Geesh...I suppose you want to know how you can win. Because we're all too busy for our own good, I'll make this simple. Paypal me $25 Leave a comment below and tell me what is your own personal PAUSE button?

TGI-S?

I had intended for this to be a fragmentous post, but it's already Saturday where I live. Maybe because it is still Friday for two more hours in some parts of the U.S., Mrs. 4444s will let me sneak this one in. In fact, that could be her random act of kindness.

Speaking of which...I've extended the deadline for 4th Frog's Fab 40 Fest until Sunday. If you want to participate, please feel free. Let me know either via a comment here or on the Facebook page or e-mail me at 4thfrog70 (at) gmail (dot) com. I've got some great random acts to share with you. For those of you who are a bit shy about sharing what you've done, please know that on Sunday when I wrap up the Fab 40 Fest, I'll just list the acts, not the people who did them.

In other bits of randomness:

• I am happy to report that it's been a great start to the school year. Robbie, especially, is doing particularly well. I've had several staff members at the school comment to me about how much he's matured. That feels good!
  
• I think I broke my foot. Or I have gout. Or maybe a touch of hypochondria. But whatever it is, my foot hurts from the bottom of my big toe to about midway on the top of my foot. Not in an excruciating way, more in an annoying way.
  
• Our cat Dungy is missing. We last saw him on Saturday morning. We've left food out for him, but he's not come back for it. Seeing as I always assume the worst, I think he might have become coyote food. But we haven't hung any "missing cat" signs yet, so maybe there's still hope? Or maybe he just decided the house wasn't big enough for both him and the dog?
  
• Let's talk about stress and food. Do you feed your stress with Dunkin' Donuts, McD's french fries, Chipotle burritos, brownies, honey nut Cheerios, baked Cheetos and other junk? Or are you one of those "I can't eat b/c I'm stressed out" kind of people? Guess which one I am. I think I need to go on a carrot and ice water cleanse.
• You know you have to click a link that promises to tell The Secret Life of Boobies. Go ahead, click it. It's safe.The worst that thing that could happen is that you might wet yourself laughing at Nancy C's description of a breastfeeding support group.

For my last TGI-S fragment, I'll leave you with this: Sometimes when I blow my nose, air leaks out my right eye. Is that weird? Does it happen to anyone else?

Have a terrific weekend, people!

Urrrrrgh!

I wish I was one of those people who responds to stress by not eating. Unfortunately, I am exactly the opposite. There is something instantly soothing about a Hershey's with almonds, something physically therapeutic about McDonald's french fries.

Over the past two months, I had made some good strides in cleaning up my diet and detoxing my body of all the junk I'd been feeding it. I guess old habits die hard because in the last 10 days, I've been self-medicating with prescriptions written by Burger King, Wendy and the Dairy Queen.

I've even been hitting the hard stuff -- Diet Coke -- despite the fact that I've given it up for Lent (and had quit drinking it all together about a month before Ash Wednesday).

And you know what? I feel like crap.

I'm not sleeping well. The eczema on my hands has returned. For the past six hours, my stomach has been sour and I've been burping up the ghost of rotten eggs.

Guess that's what I get for a dinner of Frosted Mini Wheats with a moose tracks ice cream chaser. The only reason I don't have searing heartburn on top of it is that little miracle called Nexium. (Thank you, God, for the inventors of Nexium. Seriously.)

Ok, body, I get it. You don't like the junk I've been feeding you. I promise, tomorrow (guess that's today already) you're getting water and lots of veggies. And, truth be told, a couple of margaritas out with the girls in the evening. I'll even take you for a walk, or a spin on the Wii Fit if it's raining.

Just knock off the egg burps, please.

The dream

Life around here has been a little stressful lately. Ok -- more than a little stressful. I knew it had gotten really bad when I had THE DREAM.

I have this recurring dream that shows up whenever I feel like my life is spinning out of control. As if I don't know it in my waking hours, my sleeping psyche has to remind me of all the craziness I'm living in.

In this dream, I am back in college. It's the end of the semester and I have to take a final for a class that I haven't been to all term. So I'm running around campus, trying to cram for this impossible test. Then I realize that I've missed so many classes that the prof is going to automatically fail me, which will sink my GPA and ruin my scholarship. So I head to the registrar's office to try to convince them that I dropped the class but that someone in their office didn't process my drop request. Which of course is a total lie.

And then I wake up, usually with my heart racing and my head all sweaty.

It's really not a nice way to start the day. I'm off to bed soon again. Let's hope it's a dream-less night.