Epiphany from a stranger's funeral

The idea of New Year's resolutions has been nagging at me lately. I really hate resolutions because in order to make them, I first have to make a list of all the things that are wrong with my life or at least a list of things I could be doing better. The time it would take me to make that list would take me half way to 2014. I can't think of a more depressing way to start the New Year.

However, I had an epiphany about resolutions while I was at a funeral of a man I did not know today. Charlie was an altar server for the funeral Mass. Because this was the first funeral he'd served, I decided to stay as a show of moral support. Besides, burying the dead is a corporal work of mercy.

Anyway, at the beginning of the Mass, they read a letter from the young father who had died of cancer (34 years old, preschool age kids, so sad). The gist of his message was "be kind." Individual acts of kindness have the power to change the world, he'd written.

This wasn't news to me. I've heard it before. You probably have, too. But in the context of a brain focused on New Year's resolutions, the sentiment had a lot of meaning. Suddenly, I realized perhaps why I hate New Year's resolutions so much (aside from the inevitable failure and subsequent guilt).

I thought maybe if I weren't so busy making resolutions all about me (lose 50 pounds, curse less, read more, be more organized), I would find them easier to make and keep. I'm not talking about creating resolutions for other people to keep -- I tried that once. I'm talking about using my resolutions to bring about good in my small corner of the world.

So that's my resolution -- to be a joy-spreader, a do-gooder, a kindness-sharer. I could list ways in which to make that happen (I have a few ideas already), but I'm just going to be open the opportunity to do good in some small way each day.

You know what? I'm not dreading it at all.

Happy 2013, everyone. And thanks for the new perspective, Shawn.

Rocking the RAKs

A little over a week ago, I invited you all to help me celebrate my 40th birthday by doing a random act of kindness for someone else. Let me just say that you did not disappoint! More than a dozen people wrote to tell me what they had done in honor of my birthday.

Now, let me say that I'm sure that some (probably most) of you would have done these nice things anyway. But if my "invitation" encouraged you a little bit, then I am happy. As I promised, I won't tell who did what -- this celebration was not about recognition. But I do want to let you know all the wonderful ways you helped me recognize this milestone birthday:

• Made cupcakes with her daughter and delivered them, along with a balloon, to single women who live in their building
• Made several phone calls/e-mails to connect someone caring for her father with assisted living resources when the caregiver indicated she was struggling to find the right situation
• Anonymously delivered a cold drink to a loved one who was getting her hair done at a salon
• Allowed 2 people to go in front of her at the store because she had a return and didn't want them to have to wait
• Donated $40 to the Missionary Sisters of the Immaculate Mary in honor of my 40th birthday
• Fixed an extra serving of the family dinner and took it to the single guy living next door
• Gave an extra $1 to the shuttle attendant so someone could ride the State Fair shuttle for free
• Helped the maintenance/cleaning woman clean out the apartment building's garbage chute
• Sent a birthday card to a soldier
• Donated $40 worth of food and supplies to the local humane society (she even got a thank you note for me. Check it out below.)
• Sent a necklace with a message of hope to a friend's young niece who is battling leukemia
• Invited two people to dinner at the last minute when their previous dinner invitation was canceled
• Gave someone a free coffee at Dunkin Donuts

How wonderful is that?! Thanks to everyone who joined in to make this a fabulous birthday celebration. And thanks to Joy for Your Journey for the inspiration.

TGI-S?

I had intended for this to be a fragmentous post, but it's already Saturday where I live. Maybe because it is still Friday for two more hours in some parts of the U.S., Mrs. 4444s will let me sneak this one in. In fact, that could be her random act of kindness.

Speaking of which...I've extended the deadline for 4th Frog's Fab 40 Fest until Sunday. If you want to participate, please feel free. Let me know either via a comment here or on the Facebook page or e-mail me at 4thfrog70 (at) gmail (dot) com. I've got some great random acts to share with you. For those of you who are a bit shy about sharing what you've done, please know that on Sunday when I wrap up the Fab 40 Fest, I'll just list the acts, not the people who did them.

In other bits of randomness:

• I am happy to report that it's been a great start to the school year. Robbie, especially, is doing particularly well. I've had several staff members at the school comment to me about how much he's matured. That feels good!
  
• I think I broke my foot. Or I have gout. Or maybe a touch of hypochondria. But whatever it is, my foot hurts from the bottom of my big toe to about midway on the top of my foot. Not in an excruciating way, more in an annoying way.
  
• Our cat Dungy is missing. We last saw him on Saturday morning. We've left food out for him, but he's not come back for it. Seeing as I always assume the worst, I think he might have become coyote food. But we haven't hung any "missing cat" signs yet, so maybe there's still hope? Or maybe he just decided the house wasn't big enough for both him and the dog?
  
• Let's talk about stress and food. Do you feed your stress with Dunkin' Donuts, McD's french fries, Chipotle burritos, brownies, honey nut Cheerios, baked Cheetos and other junk? Or are you one of those "I can't eat b/c I'm stressed out" kind of people? Guess which one I am. I think I need to go on a carrot and ice water cleanse.
• You know you have to click a link that promises to tell The Secret Life of Boobies. Go ahead, click it. It's safe.The worst that thing that could happen is that you might wet yourself laughing at Nancy C's description of a breastfeeding support group.

For my last TGI-S fragment, I'll leave you with this: Sometimes when I blow my nose, air leaks out my right eye. Is that weird? Does it happen to anyone else?

Have a terrific weekend, people!

RAK anyone?

Last Saturday, which happened to be the 40th anniversary of the day I was born, I invited you all to help me celebrate by performing a random act of kindness in honor of the occasion and reporting back to me. I'm calling it 4th Frog's Fab 40 Fest.

I've heard from a few people who did things that ranged from small to big. One of them made a bit teary. One was absolutely heart-felt. And another was so simple, yet I know so appreciated. I heard from a lot of other people who said they loved the idea and definitely wanted to participate. So how's it coming on your end? (In case you're shy, when I share the RAKs that were done, I won't share names of who did it.)

As for me, I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I want to do. And I have to admit that I'm not finding it so easy to commit a random act of kindness. It's not that I'm not nice to people, because I think that I am. But one thing I'm learning about myself through this is that maybe I'm not as other-centered as I should be. It seems that it's after I've pulled away from the drive-thru, after I've made it to my desk at work, after other opportunities have passed me by, that I think "Oh! I could have done that."

This eye toward myself has been something that I've kind of been feeling has been out of whack in my life for a while. I used to be the one who was constantly volunteering, always busy at church or with social groups, doing, doing, doing. But in the past several years, that's not been the case. I've become absorbed in my own life and haven't really sought out opportunities to look beyond myself.

Some of that is an occupational hazard for a mom of three kids who are busy with their own activities. Some of that is the result of having a job, where I didn't when the kids were younger. And some of it is the lack of effort on my part to see past my own family and my own circumstances.

The result of this focus on myself, my life, my trials and even my successes is that I think I'm not as patient, joyful, grateful, giving, happy as I could be.

So, I will do something to contribute to the Fab 40 Fest. But more importantly, I think this exercise has been a gift to myself -- the gift of realizing how internally focused I've been and much richer life can be if I just look past my own nose.

4th Frog's Fab 40 Fest

I've been thinking about how to celebrate my 40th birthday for quite some time now. If you read my earlier post today, you've seen that I tried the blue hair thing. But that didn't feel quite right. I've contemplated getting a tattoo, but I'm not convinced that's the way to go either.

I think part of the reason I've had trouble deciding how to mark this occasion is that I'm not lamenting the loss of my youth. I don't mind being 40. Mostly, I'm in a mild state of disbelief that I could have reached this milestone already.

It wasn't until Momza directed me to the best 40th birthday party ever, that I figured out how I wanted to celebrate. And I need your help!

You are hereby officially invited to attend 4th Frog's Fab 40 Fest. Participating is easy...

Step 1: Wherever you are, wherever you live, work or play, I invite you to perform at least one random act of kindness in honor of my birthday. Involve your family if you wish. You can tell the recipient why you're doing it. Or you can just think a good thought for me while you're doing it anonymously. Complete your task between now and Friday Sunday, August 29.

For some ideas, read the best 40th birthday party link above or consider one of these:

1. Pick up the tab for someone's lunch or parking garage ticket.
2. Go to the local cemetery and tend to a grave that looks like it doesn't get much attention.
3. Thank a soldier in uniform for his or her service.
4. Write a letter to a soldier or a prison inmate.
5. Smile and offer some help to a mom who looks like she's frazzled by her kids at the mall.
6. Donate boxed or canned goods to the local food pantry.
7. Leave bowls of wrapped candy or fresh fruit in the waiting room of the ICU at a nearby hospital.
8. Stop by a nursing home and visit with someone who doesn't often get visitors.
9. Drop a bag of groceries to someone standing on the street corner begging for food or money.
10. Set aside some time to specifically pray for someone who is struggling or sick or in trouble, maybe someone you see on the news. 

Step 2: Come back to this post or go to the 4th Frog Fan Page on Facebook and tell us what you did. What was the reaction of the recipient? How did you feel? If you feel ok about it, take some photos of your RAK. Post them on the 4th Frog Facebook page or e-mail them to me at 4thfrog70 (at) gmail (dot) com.

Step 3: On Friday, August 27, I'll conclude the 4th Frog's Fab 40 Fest by sharing some of the wonderful stories and pictures you share with me.

Optional Step 4: Share this on your blog, FB page or Twitter account. Link back to this post. This is one party where there can't be too many guests!

I've gotten birthday greetings from more than 50 people on Facebook alone (and its only noon), plus multiple phone calls and IRL well wishes. Think about all the good that could be done if even 1/2 of those people were to join in 4th Frog's Fab 40 Fest! I hope you'll be one of them.

Random Acts of Kindness

February 15 - 21 is Random Acts of Kindness Week. On my work blog, we're encouraging folks to bestow some kindness on a senior citizen. (Check it out here.)

I am so lucky, however, to have very punctual friends who have heaped kindness on me today. Perhaps that makes them pre-punctual? At any rate, I wanted to share the two very sweet things these ladies did for me because both things really made me feel loved.

First, my neighbor Cathy came by with her daughter to deliver my Girl Scout cookies (for my conversation with my trainer about THAT, click here). While she was visiting -- ok, waiting for me to find where I'd put my purse! -- Cathy told me that she's been reading my blog. Woohoo! While that would have been kindness enough, there's more.

Cathy mentioned that in reading some of the things I've written about our struggles with Robbie, it reminded her of her own sister who raised a son with autism at a time when autism was not as well-known or understood as it is know. Cathy's sister Julie wrote a book about her experience. And while Robbie's diagnosis is not autism, Cathy thought I would be able to relate to some of her sister's experiences and might get something out of the book, so she brought me my own copy. It's that sweet? (The book is Just Be His Mommy by Julie Conner.)

The second kindness that was shown to me today was by my friend Ellen, who also lives in my neighborhood. If you think I'm becoming a gym rat, you should talk to Ellen who has lost 40 pounds since October and who takes a spin class almost every day. I dropped by Ellen's house to pick up a circle punch to make Lego birthday party invitations for Robbie. She'd asked me previously if I would be interested in some of the clothes that she can no longer wear. When I said yes, I assumed we were talking a couple pairs of pants and tops. Ellen greeted me with two very large, very full bags of clothes! "Keep what you like, give the rest to Goodwill," she said.

To paraphrase Blanch DuBois from A Streetcar Named Desire, "I have always relied on the kindness of neighbors."

Thanks Cathy and Ellen. You ladies are awesome. I definitely plan to pay your kindness forward next week during Random Acts of Kindness Week!