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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Dear Santa...

Santa letter

Tomorrow morning I'm heading to the shopping mecca of Cleveland, Ohio for my annual shopping trip with my mom, sister, aunts, uncle and grandfather. I'm sure I'll have plenty of blog fodder when I return. In the meantime, I'm leaving you with a letter I wrote to Santa three years ago. Enjoy!


Dear Santa,

Please bring me a new cell phone. Now, before you dismiss my request as just another Northside prima donna with a penchant for the latest technology, let me tell you how my cell phone was lost in an act of maternal heroics...

We were driving home from Ohio last night (of course you know that because I assured my children numerous times that you were indeed on the watch for naughty—or nice—behavior). Somewhere just inside of 465, Robbie started crying that his tummy hurt. So I leaned back to calm him down and strategically place a plastic bag under his chin. A few minutes went by and he blessedly returned to sleep without tossing his cookies.

So I snaked my way back to the front seat, glad to have dodged the vomit bullet, when what to my wondering ears should hear, a sudden cry then retch. I sprang from my seat, plastic bag in hand, to catch the upchuck wherever it should land.

Unfortunately, my young boy has not perfected his upchucking aim and instead of the bag, hit me square across the arm and chest. (And since Santa, I know you've been watching, you know this was the THIRD time I've been thrown up on in a week!)

Santa, I'm hoping you left to go check out some other naughty or nice kids at that moment and didn't witness the 20 minutes that Robbie and I rode the rest of the way home virtually naked, except for our underwear. (Let me tell you that leather seats are cold on bare skin!)

And I hope you weren't flying too closely behind us because Mike took our pukey clothes and tied them to the luggage rack; they smelled way too bad to leave them in the car with us for the rest of the ride.

So Santa, I know that you are wondering why all this leads to my request for a new cell phone...

Well, when I sprang from my seat to tend to my son, my cell phone flew off my lap and into my husband's open Big Gulp of Diet Coke, only to be discovered this morning...

I realize, Santa, that this request comes late in the season. If by chance you don't have any cell phones left in your sack, reservations for one at a remote island resort would do just fine.

Your friend,
Amy

8 comments:

Mel said...

I love it! As someone who is chronicly injuring my cell phone I totally get it! In fact, I will be asking Santa for a cell phone this year as mine first went through the washing machine (and survived although it had a very difficult recovery) and then sat in a mud puddle for 5 hours in the rain because it fell out of my pocket (and did NOT survive).

BTW, what are my chances of getting a new one?? How did you do?

LOL

Love your blog, BTW! So glad I found you :)

Sharon said...

So did Santa deliver?

You know, the word "upchuck" alone makes me gag. Bla.

Lynette said...

Your writing is hilarious and I love your blog design (frogs are awesome). I've been lurking a few days now and have really been enjoying your blog. I'm originally from Indiana, but we relocated to the east side of Cleveland this summer. Enjoy your shopping trip here!

Lynette said...

I meant west side of Cleveland - I'm directionally challenged.

~ April ~ said...

Oh no!!! I hoe he feels better very soon... and you get a new phone (although a solo-trip to the tropics doesnt' sound too bad of a consolation prize)

Liz said...

(just a comment to let you know I tagged you on my blog)

Amy said...

@ Mel -- I think it looks good. Mrs. Claus has had similar trouble with a few elves.

@ Lynette -- Glad you found me. We were in Strongsville, shopping at Westfield/South Park Mall.

Eileen Hyvonen said...

OMG. I was literally laughing out loud at this! It's like I was there and watching it happen! Nobody tells a story like you!