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Monday, January 16, 2012

Dudes

I was feeling a little (self-imposed) pressure to blog tonight since it's been a few days, but came up empty in the idea department. So I turned to that never-ending font of ideas -- Facebook -- and asked for some. The first (and only) response I got came from my friend BgKahuna who suggested that I blog about "dudes."

BK is under the almost true, yet still false assumption that he is the only man who reads my blog. But my husband and my dad read it. And a few others who shall remain nameless in case being associated with the 4th Frog Blog jeopardizes their man cards.

Anyway, for some reason, I decided to take the suggestion and go with it, even though BK's suggestion was made while he was hopped up on morphine in the ER.

Which brings me to the first point I'd like to make about dudes. For all the thousands of pounds they can bench press and all the hits they can take in football, what is it about a little nasal congestion and a cough that renders them useless to society for a period of 2-4 days?

Of course, my main frame of reference here is Mike. As soon as he starts to whimper that he thinks he's getting a cold, I cut that crap off at the pass. "You're fine" and I move out of the room. That's not to say he's never been really sick. He has. But when he's really sick, he doesn't whine and complain. He just lays there, which is so much easier to deal with.

Also, I think someone needs to research the selective gender-based dementia that is so common among the male species. Doesn't anyone out there in the academic world wonder how it is that men (and even boys) can remember how many yards Eli Manning threw four games ago and what Jose Conseco's batting average is, but they can't remember to take out the trash or get milk on their way home from work?

And do the words "put it down" or "wipe it off" not have any meaning to those who stand to go pee?

Now, in all fairness, the world needs dudes. And not just the world, but I need them.

Who else would fix the printer and figure out why the internet is not working? Who would unclog the toilets (especially when it's clogged with man poop) and get the heavy boxes of Christmas decorations off the top shelf?

Dudes are handy to have around for boys who want to talk to someone who knows something -- and actually cares -- about video games and for grilling stuff.  And, as I'm sure we'll find out soon, they are much more intimidating to young men who come to court our daughters. Then there's that whole proliferation of the species business, too.

So there you go, BgKahuna. The 4th Frog Treatise on Dudes. Thanks for the idea. (Of course, the man has the idea, but it's the woman who does all the work to make it happen...)

5 comments:

Jessica, The Debt Princess said...

I'd like to point out that I did indeed reply, just an hour after you posted. you didn't wait long enough.

Now, I do not need a many to unclog crap (literally), or fix anything really. I am a woman with a drill and I know how to use it. AND I answer every question ever asked of me thanks to Wiki and Google. Like today when I was asked how fast the space shuttle traveled and how long it took to orbit the earth (17,000ish mph and 88minutes). Luckily I was blogging at the time so I had the answer quick enough for the kiddo.

Men shmen pfft.

kimybeee said...

lol - i wouldn't trade my main dude for anything!!! my almost 16 year old man child dude, now that is another story lol lol lol

varangianguard said...

Oh, and whatcha gonna do on this Wednesday, Wikipedia Princess? Try answering those self-same kind of questions then. lol

Here is the easy version of how to get a "dude" (to go with your theme, Amy) to remember to bring home the milk or take out the trash. Use comparative statisitics. Make side comments to other female denizens of your household about how in 2009, the "dude" managed to hit .525 for taking out the trash - without being told six times, yet after that banner year his stats have been falling off steadily. Mention the "trade" word. As in, "If his stats don't improve this year, I might think about trading him to Edmonton for draft picks, or maybe two relievers."

As far as bathroom etiquette goes, can't help you. Some "dudes" are trainable, some aren't. Maybe mentioning "a trade" might come in handy there too? If your little dudes aren't getting it, that is YOUR fault, Mrs. "Trainer". Need I say more?

Ellen Stewart (aka Ellie/El/e/Mrs. Seaman) said...

Um, I'm a chick, and I can tell you Jose hasn't played baseball in years, and therefore has no batting average.

My husband doesn't fit the stereotype, I think I like him for that very reason. Sitting in a meeting, I just emailed him to see what he's making for dinner, and he does have a plan. Yay!

He meets me with a drink at the door--he works from home, and I work long hours away from home.

Amy said...

Jessica -- I can hear your roar now!

Varangianguard -- Great strategy.

Ellen -- I wondered that about Jose when I was writing it, but I couldn't think of any other baseball players.