Listen to your mother (in-law) #LTYM

Drumroll please...I am incredibly excited to announce that I will be part of the first cast of Listen to Your Mother Evansville and I have my mother-in-law to thank for it.

Karen was the inspiration for my submission. This piece is very different from the piece I read at Listen to Your Mother Indianapolis two years ago. There will be laughs (I hope). There might be a tear or two. What there will not be is me teetering on wedge sandals that I will wear for that event only and never put on my feet again. Lesson learned.

I am excited and nervous for this show. I'm coming in as one of two outsiders -- everyone else in the cast is from the Evansville area. Other than Hilary Melchiors, one of the directors and a castmate of mine from Indianapolis, I don't know any of the other women. 

I'm excited for the energy that I know will surround this show. I'm nervous to read a piece about my mother-in-law with my father-in-law in the audience. I'm excited to "introduce" my mother-in-law to so many people who probably don't even know that she had an impact on their own lives. I'm nervous that she won't approve of something I say and will come back to haunt me from the grave.

Mostly, I hope that though this piece is about my own mother-in-law experience, people will be able to relate in some way and will leave feeling like my 4 minutes was worth their time. 

LTYM Evansville will take place on May 9 at 7pm in the AIS Diamond Auditorium. If you're within driving distance to the 'ville, get your girlfriends together and make a night of it. You can buy tickets ($15) here. 

Can magic happen twice? #LTYM

Nearly two years ago, I was part of something magical. It was the first Listen to Your Mother show in Indianapolis. A group of women from different parts of Indiana, the Midwest really, with different jobs and experiences came together to discuss what tied us all together -- motherhood. Being in the show was fabulous. Getting to know these women was even better. And now, the call is out for submissions to this year's Listen to Your Mother show and I wonder if I have it in me to make the magic happen again.

The deadline for submissions to the Indianapolis show is January 31. I've been mulling over some ideas in my head, but nothing seems to stick. My entry for the inaugural Indianapolis show was a humorous piece (see the video here). Should I go that route again? Maybe I should dig in to something more emotional? Or something with a spiritual bent? I guess I need to just sit down and start writing and see where it takes me.

I've also given some thought to auditioning for the show in my husband's hometown of Evansville, Indiana. This is Evansville's first year for LTYM. One of the producers is Hillary Melchiors who was a member of "my" cast in Indianapolis. It would be so great to be a part of growing LTYM to a new city. Auditions there take place next month, on a day it just so happens we will be in town for a college visit.

And if I were even to get selected for the Indy or Evansville show, would the magic still exist? It would be different magic for sure. I'm a different person and the cast would be different. But I choose to believe that the camaraderie of the cast and the electricity of sharing my own words on stage would be magical in its own, new way.

What about you? Is there a LTYM show near you? Probably -- there are nearly 40 shows this year! Do you have something to say about being (or not being), having (or not having) a mother?

If telling your story on a stage is not your style, I really encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and give it a try. Or just write your story for yourself. There is real power in that, too. At the very least, find a LTYM show near you and be in the audience. You won't be disappointed. I swear on my mother's grave (except she is happily alive, but you get the idea).

At long last! #LTYM videos are up!

On May 2 of this year, I had the great honor of being part of the inaugural "Listen to Your Mother" cast in Indianapolis. On May 3, I was more than ready for the videos of the show to be uploaded to You Tube. Imagine my disappointment when I found out the videos wouldn't be posted until sometime this summer. Well, folks, SOMETIME is NOW!

You can watch the entire "Listen to Your Mother -- Indianapolis" on You Tube. Do it tonight. Pop some popcorn, pour yourself a favorite beverage, grab some tissues, get ready to laugh and have a grand old time watching the show. Seriously, this group of women is smart, honest, talented, funny.

If you just can't wait, maybe you could watch this video, you know, kind of like a trailer.

Of course, that was me. Hey, it IS my blog. I didn't actually hate watching myself, although I have definitely decided to cut my hair short again now that I see it in front of me. And that blouse? The one that my mother said before the show that she didn't like? Yeah, it's going in the Goodwill pile. Hello, saggy boobs!

But on the whole, I'm proud of that moment in my life. Thanks for sharing it with me.

This Mommy's favorite game - #LTYM 2013

As promised in yesterday's post, here is the text of the essay I read at Listen to Your Mother Indianapolis earlier this month:

Photo by Mike Washington Photography

This Mommy’s Favorite Game
I’m not sure what happens at your house, but in our house, we spend a lot of time playing games. They mostly fall into two categories -- those that involve suicidal birds or digital versions of famous sports stars (I’m talking video games, people) and those that require hours of practice, driving to fields and gyms all over creation and result in foul-smelling laundry.

A typical weekend for our family looks like this:  basketball, soccer, play practice -- drama is a game all unto itself -- on Saturday, followed by more drama and soccer on Sunday. I’m sure you’re familiar with that.

But games are not just for kids. I have a favorite game that I like to play, too. It's called "Mommy's Legs Are Broken and She Can't Get Off the Couch."

My favorite game has just two basic rules:

1. It can only be played when there is nowhere anyone has to be, because Mommy's legs are pretty much required for driving to soccer practice. Which means getting to play this game is a darn near-miracle.

2. It can only be played when Daddy is not home. Otherwise Daddy will try to play too and, well, that just ruins everything.

Other than that, “Mommy’s Legs Are Broken” has no rules. There are no uniforms to be washed, although jammies are recommended.  No equipment necessary, but I will say that having the phone, iPad and TV remote within reach makes it  more enjoyable.

The game generally starts when one or more children ask for something that he or she is perfectly capable of getting for themselves.

Kid: "Mommy, can you get me a glass of milk?"

Me: "Nope. Sorry."

Kid: "Why not?"

Me: "Because Mommy's legs are broken and she can't get off the couch."

Kid: "Arrgghh! Not again! I hate this game."

Which is how you know this is a real game, because there are members of the "opposing" team saying not so nice things to your team.

From there, the game is totally up to the Mommy.

"Can you please bring me a Diet Coke?" -- Pleases and thank yous and other common courtesies are still expected. Mommy's legs may be broken, but her sense of social etiquette is not.

"Can you pick up all the shoes and take them to the right rooms upstairs?"

Generally, this game is a good way to get things accomplished, like having the family room picked up, without Mommy having to be the one to do all the work.

Warning: once the children get the hang of the game, they will try to play too. This is NEVER allowed. Kids’ legs are never broken. Only Mommy's.

The game can end in a variety of ways:

1.   Mommy's had enough rest that she feels ready to take on the family again. Please note: this has never, in the history of “Mommy’s legs are broken,” ever happened.

2.   The doorbell rings and a stranger is at the door. At this point,  Mommy must get off the couch because children are not allowed to open the door for strangers. (You can keep the game going by telling all the kids to be quiet and act like no one is home, hoping the stranger leaves soon.)

3.   A fight breaks out among the children resulting in blood or bones sticking out. Any other level of fighting can be dealt with from the couch, generally by leveling threats such as “no video games for a week” or “I will make tuna noodle casserole for dinner if you don’t knock it off.”

4.   The house catches fire and Mommy must evacuate.

There you have it. The basics of my favorite game, "Mommy's Legs Are Broken and She Can't Get Off the Couch." Coming in a boxed set with bonus margarita mix to a store near you this Mother’s Day.

They laughed at me

They laughed at me and that was a very good thing. It's been 13 days since Listen to Your Mother -- Indianapolis. Almost two weeks since 14 of us stormed the stage at the Indiana History Center to share our tales of motherhood in all its glory...and other forms that motherhood takes.

The experience left me feeling like there are not enough words in the English language to describe the emotions, the mood and the connections. Amazing. Magical. Fantastical. Those are a few good ones to start.

Many of my fellow cast members shared stories that were poignant and heart-tugging. Not me. I have motherhood stories like that, sure. But I wanted to share laughter. When I read my piece at the first LTYM rehearsal, I was a little worried how it would be received. They laughed at me. Those 13 other women sat around the table and laughed at the words I'd written -- exactly as I'd hoped they would.

So on the night of Listen to Your Mother, I prayed that the nearly-sold out audience would find my words just as ticklish to their senses of humor.

I launched into my piece, titled "This Mommy's Favorite Game." In the first few sentences, there were a few chuckles. But when I hit my first big punch line, close to 300 people looked at me, tossed back their heads and roared with laughter.

I loved it.

I stopped for a minute, looked around and soaked up all the laughter. It was like fuel for my soul. I kept moving through my story, more talking to my 300 closest friends for the moment than reading, pausing to listen to the chuckles, the guffaws, the chortles, the giggles.


And just like that, it ended. My piece was over and the laughter settled. But I can still hear it, still feel it's warmth. It's addicting. I crave it.

And I wonder just where it is that I will get my next fix. 

------
If you have just a minute, you can read the text of my humorous essay. And if you wait until later in the summer, I'll post the link to the video of whole dang show!

(PS -- Thanks to Mike Washington Photography for all the terrific photos.)

Almost showtime!

Listen to Your Mother - Indianapolis is just about 3 hours away and I'm trying to take my mind off the fact that Listen to Your Mother is just about 3 hours away.

I'm not really nervous. I love an audience! But I am excited in a "maybe I need a pre-show glass of wine" sort of way. I spent the morning getting things ready:

Clothes for Robbie's school program tonight...(his clothes, not mine)...CHECK.

E-mail directions to the theatre to my dad...(because apparently he doesn't have Google)...CHECK.

Steal Annie's makeup...(because I don't really own any)...CHECK.

Curling iron...CHECK

New shoes that might add a hint of unwelcome realism to my piece if I'm not careful...CHECK.

Two versions of my outfit...(because I still don't know what to wear)...CHECK.

Jewelry...CHECK.

Deodorant...CHECK.

Extra underwear...(Hey! You never know...)...CHECK.

I want to text Mike and tell him not to bring me flowers or anything. But I'm afraid he'll say he wasn't planning to bring me flowers or anything and then I might be disappointed.

I'm a little embarrassed that the pre-show slideshow will display me in varying degrees of fatness. "Oh look, there's skinny (skinnier) Amy." "Oh, there you are...what happened to you?!" But so proud that my beautiful kids and my wonderful mom will also grace the screen with me.

I'm humbled by the friends who purchased tickets and are coming to the show to hear me read my piece.

Mostly, I'm just so honored to be part of this cast. These women have stories to tell -- amazing stories and ordinary stories told in amazing ways.  

Yes Mom, I was listening.

Tonight is the first rehearsal for the event that will give me my 4-1/2 minutes of fame, "Listen to Your Mother." To prove that I can walk the talk, and that I did indeed listen to my mother, here are 10 things I learned from my own mom:

1. If there is a business that never seems to have any customers, yet has been in business for a really long time, it's probably a front for drugs.


2. When I don't want to go to church, I just have to ask myself "Do you think Jesus wanted to climb up on that cross and die for you?"


3. Almost anything can be fixed with a paper clip and a rubber band.


4. When beginning a test, say a quick prayer to St. John Chrysostom. Apparently he is the patron saint of smart people.


5. I'm not going to be happy until somebody ends up crying.


6. When I can make a free throw while holding a bag of groceries in one hand, I will belong to the "cool mom" group.


7. Real moms buy sandwich bags that fold over, not zip; orange juice concentrate; and Nestle Quik.


8. If you see some cute home decor at the store, don't bother buying it because you can just make it yourself. You probably won't get around to making it, but you could.


9. Should the need arise, Serenity brand protection is the best for a leaky bladder.


10. If your kid says his arm is broken, it probably is. However, you can wait a day or two to have it checked out just to be sure.

Confession: I must not have listened that closely because I could only come up with 8 things and I had to call my sister to help me recall the last two.


Listen to Your Mother Indianapolis is Thursday, May 2.
Get your tickets today! (Really -- prices go up on April 15.)

You can read what some of my fellow cast members have learned from their mothers too:


Hillary at Midwest Berliners 
Robyn at Hollow Tree Ventures

Listen to your mother. Yes, you.

Sometime after Christmas break ended and before Valentine's Day -- it all runs together in my head these days -- I submitted a piece of writing to "Listen to Your Mother Indianapolis." LTYM is a national event taking place in almost two dozen cities. At each location, people -- mostly women, some men, mostly mothers, some sons and daughters -- will present live readings related to the topic of motherhood. As the LTYM people say, "giving Mother's Day a microphone."

Feeling the need to get back in touch with my funny bone, I submitted a variation on a previous blog post. It's amazing what you can do with something given a little time, distance, perspective, editing and minimum length of 4 spoken minutes.

Anyway, I got an audition. I expected the waiting area to be filled with the usual (and wonderful) fare of Indiana women bloggers, people I am quite familiar with. Surprisingly, I didn't know any of the women sitting there with me, though I did recognize the names of some people who'd been there earlier when I glanced at the sign-in list. Even more surprisingly, not every woman in the waiting room had a blog. You mean there are people out there, living their lives blogless? Shocking. But I digress.

The audition was pretty simple. Stand in front of the two directors and read my piece. One of them laughed. The other kind of smiled. And that was it. It took longer to drive to the audition than it did to actually audition.

Several days later, I received an e-mail welcoming me to the inaugural cast of "Listen to Your Mother Indianapolis."

I was happy. I am happy. But I am also panicked. I have a little more than two months to lose 700 pounds, get my hair (now in that awkward growing out phase) to behave itself, and find something to wear that does not look too matronly (ironically), too off-the-clearance-rack, too tight or too-oh-my-Gawd-mom-you-can't-possibly-wear-that. Too bad I gave away my fat dress; I'm probably too fat for it anyway.

Regardless of what I wear, it's going to be a great event. If you're local, treat yourself to a ticket and join us:

Listen to Your Mother Indianapolis
Thursday, May 2, 2013 at 7:00pm

at the Indiana Historical Society

Buy your tickets online. 10% of the proceeds will go to Partners in Housing.

If you're not in or near Indy, see if there is a LTYM show near you.