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Saturday, May 15, 2010


Thank you all so much for your kind words after my mini-meltdown on Wednesday. By the time Thursday morning rolled around, I had rallied enough to get out of bed and at least go through the motions of getting on with life.

After I dropped the kids off at school, I headed to the gym. I figured after nearly 24 hours in bed, my body needed to MOVE. Still, it took a good five minutes of positive self-talk to get me out of the car. Once I opened the car door and stepped outside, I knew there was no way I could go inside that gym. The morning was cool and slightly damp, smelling like springtime -- new grass and fresh rain and bits of flowery buds.

So I decided to walk/run on the grounds outside. The gym where I work out is at a community center set in a wooded residential area. Before Thursday, I'd never walked anywhere on the grounds besides from the parking lot to the building.

I put the ear buds in my ears, fired up the Pandora Radio and took off. It felt so good to breathe in the cool air as I made my way around the curving drive. I picked out a target ahead and commanded my feet to run until I reached it. I took in the bright spring green of the new leaves, the rich browns of the wet earth on the floor of the woods. I nodded and smiled at the few people arriving to work or to work out. I felt alive!

By the time I made it back to my original starting point, I felt like I needed to stop and give my legs a good stretch. I spied some benches ahead, to the left of the path I'd gone on before, and headed over there. It turned out to be a holocaust memorial garden. It was tranquil and reverent and beautiful.


When I looked up from my stretch, I noticed the words on the memorial -- not the ones in Hebrew, I can't read that -- that said "Surviving Spirit." After my day on Wednesday (not that it in any way compares with the holocaust), it seemed like an affirmation, a reminder, a message of hope meant just for me.

That sense of "surviving spirit" stayed with me as I took off on another lap around the campus. This time I ran longer and farther. I sang out loud to the words of the songs flowing to my ears. I was completely aware of how thankful I was to be there in that moment. And when I finished that lap, I returned to the garden. I sat on a bench, listened to a morning reflection on my iPhone, and, once again, felt alive.


Joanie said...

Good to see you have your "big girl panties" on and are making the most of what life is handing you. And if you need another day in bed, then do it! I think they cal that a "mental health day"

Survivormama said...

So glad you are feeling better today, I have had those days myself...especially this last year, as I am a recent cancer can just get you down, so glad you are rallying today! God bless sweetie~!

Beth Zimmerman said...

Good to see you feeling better, Amy! I'd say *surviving spirit* is a good description for you! :)

Momza said...

I hope this confirmed to you that you are not alone, that your Heavenly Father is aware of you and loves you.

Eternal Lizdom said...

What a beautiful morning, a beautiful run, a beautiful message. You got exactly what you needed!!

Shelley said...

(((((((big hug))))))))

Cat said...

Sounds like just what you needed