I am not very good at NO. I'm a first born, which means that generally I'm a people pleaser. I want people to like me. And people like other people who do things for them. So I find myself saying "yes" sometimes even when I am thinking -- when my insides are shouting -- "NO!"
Sometimes I do manage to muster a negative response to a question or request. But even then, I'm often wishy washy about it, feeling guilty for not being agreeable. My kids have figured this out about me and very seldom take the first no as the final answer.
My inability to say no is quite often linked to my horoscopic Leo tendencies. You know, we Leos love to be the center of attention. Which is quite possibly why I'm drawn to blogging and which is definitely how I got myself into my latest predicament.
Someone at work asked me to be the emcee for the "friend-raiser" of a non-profit organization she works with. There was a part of me that was inclined to decline. But you know what happened. The part of me that can't say no teamed up with the part that loves the spotlight and darn it all if, "Sure I'd love to," didn't flow out of my fingertips and hit send before I could come to my senses.
So last night, I was tossing and turning, going over witty and appropriate things to say into the microphone. I'm still not sure I've come up with anything, but today but my thoughts are focused on what the heck I'm going to wear. And of course, there's the haircut I need to look presentable. I haven't even started stressing about how much I hate the sound of my own voice. I'll leave that until just before the dinner.
If I'd only said no, I would be better rested, unconcerned with my wardrobe and $45 richer. But I would still hate the sound of my voice.