How to talk to old pregnant women

We had a surprise baby shower today for my friend Julie. This is her 5th baby. Her 4th child is 5-1/2 and Julie is probably in her early 40s. (Julie -- if you're younger than that, sorry!) A few months before Julie found out she was pregnant, she decided to stop coloring her hair and go with her natural all-over silver gray.

As you might imagine, the combo of silver hair with a pregnant belly gets some notice. According to Julie, most people have been pretty polite about it. However, a few who have obviously not graduated from charm school could stand some training in things you should -- and should not -- say to old pregnant women.

So, in honor of Julie, Sarah Palin, my own mom who had her last baby at 43 and all older mothers --

Things you should NOT say to pregnant women of advanced maternal age:

• Do you know how old you will be when this kid graduates from high school? (As if Mom-to-be hasn't done the math herself!)
  
• Wow, it's so cool of you to offer to carry your daughter's baby!
• Guess you hadn't hit menopause yet after all.
• So which is worse? Arthritis or morning sickness?
• Boy, you're never gonna be an empty nester, are you?
• At least your stretch marks will be hidden by your wrinkles.
• Oh my gawd! Weren't your older kids totally grossed out that you still have sex?
• Obviously your husband is hot for older women!

Things you SHOULD say to pregnant women of advanced maternal age:

• Congratulations!
  
• The silver in your hair reflects beautifully off your belly.
• Older and wiser is a great combo for motherhood.
• I'd be happy to babysit.
• I just read a study that said babies of older mothers are smarter/calmer/cuter (insert something positive) here.
• Glad to see you guys still have some passion in your marriage.
• Lucky you! You get to play with toys again!

Got any other ones? Go ahead and leave a comment to share them with the class.