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Saturday, April 18, 2009

My mind's eye needs glasses

I've been contemplating this post for about 10 days or so. Ever since someone tagged me in a picture on Facebook. But I never got around to writing it. Then last night, I read a post by Annie at Fairies 'n' Firecrackers that said pretty much exactly what I feel. So, Annie, I'm not copying your post, just acknowledging the feelings.

There are some truths in my life that have been there since I was young. I've always been the smart girl. I've always been the helpful girl. And I've always been the "big" (read: fat) girl. I know it and throughout my life I've gone back in forth between trying to ignore it, trying to fix it, and owning it.

So, I've got some pounds to lose. Yup. That's me. Except in my mind's eye, my body looks like this (and no, I'm not pregnant in this picture):


But a picture taken of me at my sister Shelley's baby shower a few weeks ago tells a different, and unfortunately true, story:


In case you're not sure, I'm the fat one on the left. Oh yes, my mind's eye definitely needs glasses! I'm pretty sure it was my myopic internal vision that told me I could climb that stinkin' mountain in Georgia.

Over at Fairies 'n' Firecrackers, Annie is recommitting herself to do something about her weight. I wish I could say the same. But truthfully, I'm not sure I'm there yet. Oh, I know I NEED to do something. I take more daily meds than I have children. Walking from the car to my office often leaves me breathless, even if I do take the elevator (which I do about 1/2 the time). I've chosen to ignore the fact that the last pair of pants I bought was a size bigger ("Probably cut smaller in some cheap Chinese factory," I reasoned with myself.).

But, it is springtime and the weather outside is inviting. So, while I'm not ready to do something about my weight specifically, I am willing to commit to going for a walk 3 days a week. Small steps. But maybe in time, my mind's eye will refocus for a more clear picture -- or my body will change to fit the view that's in there now.


Deby said...

Hi Amy,

I'd love to join along. Maybe we could start a blog support group of some kind.

There is a walk path at my job location that is 1/2 mile around; I walked that path last Thurs & Fri. I could make a committment to walking it at least 3 days of the week.

No pressure, but feel free to use me for support if you'd like.

Annie said...

Great post, Amy! It is an awful feeling to see yourself in a photo and realize how big you actually are and it is so much bigger than you thought. Ugh. Been there, done that!!

Walking three times a week is a fantastic start! You can do that!!!

Annie said...

I just started a challenge, I would love for you to join me!

Mike Magan said...

Its painful to see myself in the mirror. I always look bigger than I think I will. No matter the diets, the surgery the counseling, I eat because I enjoy it, to fill a spiritual void. The problem is I feel terrible oftentimes when I am done.

They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result each time. How many times have I/we said "on Monday. . ." only to rationalize eating whatever we want on Sat or Sun. I don't know exactly how to get healthier, but I know we have a better chance of succeeding if we help each other.

Sharon said...

You can do it!!!

I feel ya. Once upon a time I made goal & lifetime w/ Weight Watchers, only to blow it all and gain back 20 pounds.

Do you have an i-pod?
If you like walking, I suggest finding a podcast that really keeps your interest. It's made my goal of walking a straight hour attainable.

kimybeee said...

In my head I still weigh the 125lbs my drivers liscense says. That is why I bump into stuff all the time, I don't know where all that extra chunk came from, because I weigh 125 and should be able to "shimmy" anywhere I want.

I have weighed 2 times at doctors offices, guess what - I weigh 125 - in kilos!!!!!!!

My husband has always tried to talk me into dieting with him and I just tell him I am fat and happy. I don't have any medical conditions that are a result of being heavy, so I am blessed there. But family history tells me they are coming down the road.

Jeff is complaining a lot lately about my sleep habits, and lack of breathing during sleep. I probably need a cpap, but who could go sleep in front of strangers. I have trouble here! Maybe they will just take spouse testimony.


Eternal Lizdom said...

The best thing I did was to join my gym last summer. I've not lost weight. But I've gained muscle. And energy. And endurance. And wiggle room in my clothes. And those feelings are the best. I don't look skinnier in pics. But I feel better when playing with my kids.

You can do it, Amy!! Walking is great exercise and with the weather warming up... it can be really relaxing, too.

Lynette3boys said...

Now that the warmer weather is here (sort of) it will help us all get out of the house and start moving more. There is so much work to be done outside with spring clean up. That's a great way to start.

Shannon @ Gabi's World said...

Oh Amy! I totally know the feeling! And while in my mind I think I am closer to being ready, I am not there yet either. Something has to click. Also, with my many attempts lately that were not such gung ho attempts. I feel that when I do actually do something about it, then I shouldn't announce it on the blog. You know I am sure people are sick of hearing me say that I am yet again starting a diet. There could be some people out there betting on when I fall off of the wagon again.

So anyway, I feel ya! And also just out of curiosity... Do you not see yourself (and I am really meaning me) as that big until you see the pictures of you? I see the mirror... I know I am big, but damn it! I didn't think I looked that big until I see those awful pics!