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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Puke makes me want to barf

I planned on coming here today to tell you that I did such a great job at yesterday's mammogram that they've invited me to come back tomorrow to do it again. I was going to tell you that 98% of me is totally cool and unaffected and only 2% of me is trying to envision myself with one boob and no hair. Yep, that was going to be today's post...until the puke hit the fan, or more accurately, the street.

I was driving to work from Kyle Lacy's SMASH course on social media when I started to get that irritating tickle in the back of my throat. I coughed a few times, hard, and thought it was over. But it came back worse, feeling like I had a popcorn kernel stuck in my swallower. I coughed again and started to gag. So instead of coughing, I just kept making that ccchmmm...ccchmmm... clearing my throat sound, hoping it would work.

No luck. Soon I was really coughing and gagging and coughing and driving down the highway all at the same time. Just as I was pulling getting off at the exit, I threw up a little bit in my mouth and forced myself to swallow it back down. Disgusting, I know, but true.

Only about 4 blocks from work, I was putting my best Lamaze breathing to work, trying to make it to the parking lot where I could get one of the bottles of water that I knew was in my trunk. But my gut had other plans. Before I knew it, I could feel the chuck coming up again and this time it was too much to force back down.

So I did the only thing I could -- I rolled down the window, hung my head out like a dog and threw up all the way down Shelby Street, driving left of center in the process (you try driving with your barfing head hanging out the window!), hoping I wasn't going to hit any pedestrians or bike riders.

Now, let me tell you. I do NOT handle barf very well. When one of the kids gets sick, I deal with the kid; Mike deals with the puke. But here I was in the parking lot at work, the regurgitated remnants of bagel with a shmear all over my shirt, running down the inside of the driver's side door and heavily streaked across the side of the car. There was no one there to handle it, except me -- although I did think for a minute whether this task might fall into the job duties of a graduate assistant.

So, I peeled off the denim shirt that I had on over a long-sleeved t-shirt and began to use it to wipe up the inside of the car. When I was finished, I put it in the back seat of the car. I contemplated throwing the shirt away, but I really like that shirt!

I called our administrative assistant to tell her I was in the parking lot cleaning up myself and the car and I'd be in in just a few minutes. At this point, I planned to go on into the office still. That's until I started throwing up again with Stephanie still on the phone. Sorry, Stephanie. I did have the courtesy to hang up. When I called her back, I said on second thought I'm going home.

I had to drive the 30 minutes home with the windows cracked to air out the car, which made for a cold ride considering it was only 43 degrees. It's a good thing I wasn't driving topless! And before I went home I stopped at the car wash. Ordinarily, I hate spending money on car washes. But seeing as I had bile and vomitus clinging to the side of my car, it seemed like money well spent.

So now I am home, tired from my adventure, a bit queasy in the stomach still and telling my tale here. Aren't you glad I don't have pictures to include?!


Jessica McCoy said...

I'm not a vomit person either. My hubby has to do it all. Not sure what will happen when we have kids.

Hope you get to feeling better soon. Do you think it's a stomach virus or something you ate?

Momza said...

Your life is so much more exciting than mine. What's your secret?
How does ONE PERSON get ALL the FUN?!
word verification: muces

Eternal Lizdom said...

Wow. That was really, really gross. The only thing worse than reading it would be living it. But I totally admire your bravery in sharing it!

Anonymous said...

And what's worse than puke? Poop! From a 4 year old! Yep, took my daughter to the school's playground so I could walk around the track today and she yells to me as I'm rounding my 5th lap...."MOM, I DID #2 AND #3!" I'm not sure what #3 was and after getting home to clean it up, I NEVER WANT TO DO #3!

See, and you thought this post couldn't get worse!

Annie said...

EEEwwwww!!! That's disgusting. I'm so glad it isn't any where near meal time right now. Oh you poor thing! I hope you're feeling better now!

Sharon said...

Oh boy. I am the same. I yell for my dh every time someone (kids) puke. No way!!

Is everything ok w/ you? I hope so & that it's nothing serious w/ the mammogram results. Hugs!

Micah and Emily said...

A job for the GA would have been perfect and fitting...I love cleaning up barf.....who do you think got to always clean up the barf growing up...I had to clean up my own when I was a kid because my mom had the gag reflex as did my sister and brothers......

I would have payed good money to see you hanging out the window of your car window spewing!

Hope your feeling better!


Shannon @ Gabi's World said...

Gosh I hope you feel better soon! I used to not handle vomit well until I had Jeremy. That child puked all the time. Then I went to Nursing school and now I am so over it!

Nate's Mom said...

That is just gross. Thanks, um, for sharing, lol.

As a Graduate Assistant, who adores her prof, I can say that would be outside my job requirements. you know, bio-hazard and all.

I hope you are feeling better. (hugs) froma distance :-)

Sheri in CA

kimybeee said...

My daughter did that one night at Walmart, without the car moving. But the wind was blowing really hard. She blew chunks everywhere.

I have one of the nastiest kid puke stories ever, since you asked for it you know. I was laying in the floor in front of the couch. My son was asleep on the couch, then he rolled over and puked VERY HOT REMNANTS OF HIS HOT DOG DINNER - ALL OVER ME. Thank God it didn't get my face, but hot dog's!!! My daughter also ruined me from broccoli casserole once - but I won't share those details.

Hope you feel better soon and that the kids don't catch the barf bug!!


kimybeee said...

P.S. I could stand up to my neck in poop (hopefully not human) way easier than I handle barf! I did no barf clean up at all before I had kids, and then you have to do what you have to do!


Joanie said...

When I had bronchitis so bad a few weeks ago, I coughed so hard I threw up. Two feet from the toilet I lost it all. Damn! So close!

~ April ~ EnchantedDandelions said...

Oh no!!! I hope you are feeling much better by now! And I hope the inside of the car comes clean.

I get to handle all the puke around here. I'm so lucky, uh? Actually, I realized just how UNlucky I was when I was pregnant with my first, puking my guts up with morning sickness. I asked my husband to bring me a glass of water, and he claimed he "just couldn't, his stomach is too weak". o.O